Guys I like are always so BUSY.
Current Mood: 
impatient
Current Music: Fearless- Taylor swift
"I'll probably call you this weekend." -Jake
"Okay." -Me
"If I don't... then I'm busy."
Sweet!
So, you know how Mike and Jeremy were always so busy all the time? And every time I wanted to hang out with either one of them, it turned out they were just not that into me busy?
Today I was wishing, hoping, praying and all that other stuff that Jake would bring the movie up. If he didn't, I was going to--IF there was a good opportunity to do so that fit the requirements, since I've been trying to listen to Fate on this.
Well, my hopes were relatively low when I got there this morning, because this guy has had my number for a week and has yet to use it.
Me = not impressed.
Then, as I'm fully "content" and stuff by myself, Jake walks up to get a drink of water, and he smiles at me and does the smile--with his eyes, too-- and nod combo like Mike used to do all the time :(
Instantly, I am a grinning puddle of goo. It's ridiculous. Completely, utterly ridiculous how a pair of blue eyes and a smile that makes me feel treasured can just knock me on my ass.
Anyway.
So, for the next minute and a half I just grin like an idiot. Like a lovestruck, smitten, stupid idiot.
And then it hits me, the weight of it, and I realize i'm totally into him. And I am not completely in love with the idea due to the fact that I'm less confident of his attraction to me now that I've actually given him his number and his dog ran away. (Also, maybe "my dog ran away" is the Jake equivalent of Mike's "I have to help someone move a couch.")
Anyway.
But since he smiled and nodded at me like that--I really do hate how every time Jake does something I relate it back to Mike and Sam: The Early Years--I was slightly encouraged, and I thought maybe he's just been having a bad week. It can happen, right? He seemed totally into me before. He even seemed into me the day I asked him to the movie, and he came right in the office to see when I was available that weekend and stuff.
Anyway.
So I go about the rest of my day, stressing a little about whether or not the stars will align and allow me an opportunity to ask him about the movie. I had already decided, if I could, I was going to ask, "Did you still think MacGruber was a good idea?" because I don't want to know if he's available for the movie, or if he's doing anything Friday night, I want to know--straight up, now instead of later--if he still wants to go to the movie with me, or if he's having second thoughts now.
The day floats away and there's no good chance. As I'm leaving for lunch, he is back there waxing a car, and I realize that I COULD make this the opportunity, but he doesn't look at me, and I was waiting for the smile to be the signal to come ask him about it. So I don't, I just keep walking, even though I am thoroughly frustrated over this. I get in my car, I go to lunch, and I bitch inwardly the whole time that my stupid hesitation might have just screwed up the only chance I had to ask him about the movie today, but then my "NO, we are staying sane this time, dammit!!" side says, "Hey, he's got your number. If he wants to make it happen, he will. Stop trying to force this thing to work. If it's supposed to, it will, and no amount of forcing on your part is going to change that for the better."
I know this makes sense. Logically, I know this. But my semester clock is ticking loudly, and I'm aware that before long he will be in New York and I will be here, in school all the time.... and so I get a little impatient. I should really let him keep the pace slow, because I am almost definitely going to fall for him if we start dating this summer, and that will probably end badly for me, because I don't know if I see him wanting to maintain a long-distance relationship with someone he's only been dating for month. And in order for us to be "dating" for a month by the time he leaves, we need to start "dating" like... soon. It just isn't long for me to completely enchant him and convince him to be my boyfriend. :(
Anyway, so I come back from lunch and the timing is terrible. He's moving a car when i'm walking in, and I look back at him--I'm looking at him too much lately. i'm trying to control it, I really am, but I can't help it, the more I can't tell if he likes me, the more I try to look at him--but I just go to the office, a little pissed at life. And then I'm kind of bitchy for the next 45 minutes.
But then Tiffany asks me to go to the back and help her with something, and I think, "Maybe I'll get to see Jake and ask him, maybe the universe DOES condone this" and so I go happily.
However, the universe does not seem to be suggesting any such thing at this point, and I end up back in the office without having seen him.
Fantastic.
BUT WAIT!
Five minutes later--maybe--Jake comes walking into the office to see me. (He's leaving in ten minutes.)
PHEW.
This is a relief. He's still coming in to see me before he leaves. Standing by my desk.
THANK YOU, LORD!
And so we talk for less than a minute about how he's having a better day today than yesterday, and how it's not as hot today, and how it was dreary but now the sun is coming out, and he doesn't have to be here much longer.
Then Tiffany--OOH, I forgot this part, DUH!--starts to walk in the office so I quickly--because I hadn't wanted witnesses, and Libby was on the phone--ask, "Did you still think MacGruber was a good idea?"
BIG, SCARY PAUSE, then he says--with not as much enthusiasm as I had hoped for--"Yeah, I've just been busy."
Ugh, that word again.
If I had a dollar for every time a guy was "too busy" to hang out with me, I could just take the next ten years off work.
But anyway, so I nod submissively and then apparently wait without saying anything--because I can't for the life of me remember replying to this, which means I really must have only nodded-- until he goes on to ask if I have any plans for the weekend.
Characteristically forgetting every other plan I had this weekend--like working for Tiffany tomorrow and Jen's house-warming party after work on Saturday--I more or less say no, which isn't even true, but I'm that much of a dipshit when I like guys. I then go on to tell him that I don't work at the restaurant tomorrow so I'll only work until one, which is WRONG, because I'm working for Tiffany tomorrow until six. Fuck.
Anyway.
So that's when he nods, thinks for a second, and then tells me, looking so damn adorable that I want to put a frowney face here, the "I'll probably call you this weekend" bit from the above quote.
It was not a definitive anything, he was just getting the upper hand again, and I've realized he always does this. He always asks the question to ascertain whether I'm doing anything and if I'm doing what i'm doing with anyone, and if so, who--BUT he never gives any info back! He'll ask me what I'm doing on any given evening, and if i'm going to a movie, who am I taking, but if HE'S going to the movie and he asks me what i'm doing that night, he will just nod when I say nothing. He doesn't invite me. He doesn't tell me who he's going to the movie with--nothing. He just puts me at a disadvantage by finding out precisely what i'm doing, and then the conversation is over.
And I am putting that in the con/red flag column, dammit.
Because whether or not it is intentional, I think that could fall under the "controlling" column, which is sandwiched between the "abusive" and "jealous" columns. Which... is not the best group of columns.
But I don't think Jake is any of that bad stuff.
I hope not, anyway.
But the fact that I like him is cause for concern. That instant draw I felt. All the similarities to Mike...
The last blue-eyed Aquarian that I worked with who had unresolved issues from his last girlfriend/first love really didn't go so well for me...
But anyway, then after Jake left Tiffany come in the office, hops up on my desk and grins at me--one of those scary grins.
I kind of smile cautiously, as if to wordlessly prompt her to speak.
"You totally have the hots for Jake," she states.
In my memory, there is a tremor as I recall the day Kirstie realized I liked Mike and stated something along the lines of, "You totally want Mikey's dick," which was more or less the same moment that just happened, only it was much longer ago.
I couldn't lie to Tiffany, mostly because I figured denying it would be stupid if we do end up dating, and I'm totally sure I do like him, so I'm not going to change my mind about it unless it doesn't work out. So I laugh and say, "Yeah, just a little."
And she tells me it's cute.
But for the next five minute, I am a little haunted by the past. The memories of standing behind the warmer as Kirstie realized I liked Mike.
There are so many similarities that it's hard not to call them red flags.
Looking back, wouldn't I call them red flags now with Mike?
impatient
Current Music: Fearless- Taylor swift
"I'll probably call you this weekend." -Jake
"Okay." -Me
"If I don't... then I'm busy."
Sweet!
So, you know how Mike and Jeremy were always so busy all the time? And every time I wanted to hang out with either one of them, it turned out they were just not that into me busy?
Today I was wishing, hoping, praying and all that other stuff that Jake would bring the movie up. If he didn't, I was going to--IF there was a good opportunity to do so that fit the requirements, since I've been trying to listen to Fate on this.
Well, my hopes were relatively low when I got there this morning, because this guy has had my number for a week and has yet to use it.
Me = not impressed.
Then, as I'm fully "content" and stuff by myself, Jake walks up to get a drink of water, and he smiles at me and does the smile--with his eyes, too-- and nod combo like Mike used to do all the time :(
Instantly, I am a grinning puddle of goo. It's ridiculous. Completely, utterly ridiculous how a pair of blue eyes and a smile that makes me feel treasured can just knock me on my ass.
Anyway.
So, for the next minute and a half I just grin like an idiot. Like a lovestruck, smitten, stupid idiot.
And then it hits me, the weight of it, and I realize i'm totally into him. And I am not completely in love with the idea due to the fact that I'm less confident of his attraction to me now that I've actually given him his number and his dog ran away. (Also, maybe "my dog ran away" is the Jake equivalent of Mike's "I have to help someone move a couch.")
Anyway.
But since he smiled and nodded at me like that--I really do hate how every time Jake does something I relate it back to Mike and Sam: The Early Years--I was slightly encouraged, and I thought maybe he's just been having a bad week. It can happen, right? He seemed totally into me before. He even seemed into me the day I asked him to the movie, and he came right in the office to see when I was available that weekend and stuff.
Anyway.
So I go about the rest of my day, stressing a little about whether or not the stars will align and allow me an opportunity to ask him about the movie. I had already decided, if I could, I was going to ask, "Did you still think MacGruber was a good idea?" because I don't want to know if he's available for the movie, or if he's doing anything Friday night, I want to know--straight up, now instead of later--if he still wants to go to the movie with me, or if he's having second thoughts now.
The day floats away and there's no good chance. As I'm leaving for lunch, he is back there waxing a car, and I realize that I COULD make this the opportunity, but he doesn't look at me, and I was waiting for the smile to be the signal to come ask him about it. So I don't, I just keep walking, even though I am thoroughly frustrated over this. I get in my car, I go to lunch, and I bitch inwardly the whole time that my stupid hesitation might have just screwed up the only chance I had to ask him about the movie today, but then my "NO, we are staying sane this time, dammit!!" side says, "Hey, he's got your number. If he wants to make it happen, he will. Stop trying to force this thing to work. If it's supposed to, it will, and no amount of forcing on your part is going to change that for the better."
I know this makes sense. Logically, I know this. But my semester clock is ticking loudly, and I'm aware that before long he will be in New York and I will be here, in school all the time.... and so I get a little impatient. I should really let him keep the pace slow, because I am almost definitely going to fall for him if we start dating this summer, and that will probably end badly for me, because I don't know if I see him wanting to maintain a long-distance relationship with someone he's only been dating for month. And in order for us to be "dating" for a month by the time he leaves, we need to start "dating" like... soon. It just isn't long for me to completely enchant him and convince him to be my boyfriend. :(
Anyway, so I come back from lunch and the timing is terrible. He's moving a car when i'm walking in, and I look back at him--I'm looking at him too much lately. i'm trying to control it, I really am, but I can't help it, the more I can't tell if he likes me, the more I try to look at him--but I just go to the office, a little pissed at life. And then I'm kind of bitchy for the next 45 minutes.
But then Tiffany asks me to go to the back and help her with something, and I think, "Maybe I'll get to see Jake and ask him, maybe the universe DOES condone this" and so I go happily.
However, the universe does not seem to be suggesting any such thing at this point, and I end up back in the office without having seen him.
Fantastic.
BUT WAIT!
Five minutes later--maybe--Jake comes walking into the office to see me. (He's leaving in ten minutes.)
PHEW.
This is a relief. He's still coming in to see me before he leaves. Standing by my desk.
THANK YOU, LORD!
And so we talk for less than a minute about how he's having a better day today than yesterday, and how it's not as hot today, and how it was dreary but now the sun is coming out, and he doesn't have to be here much longer.
Then Tiffany--OOH, I forgot this part, DUH!--starts to walk in the office so I quickly--because I hadn't wanted witnesses, and Libby was on the phone--ask, "Did you still think MacGruber was a good idea?"
BIG, SCARY PAUSE, then he says--with not as much enthusiasm as I had hoped for--"Yeah, I've just been busy."
Ugh, that word again.
If I had a dollar for every time a guy was "too busy" to hang out with me, I could just take the next ten years off work.
But anyway, so I nod submissively and then apparently wait without saying anything--because I can't for the life of me remember replying to this, which means I really must have only nodded-- until he goes on to ask if I have any plans for the weekend.
Characteristically forgetting every other plan I had this weekend--like working for Tiffany tomorrow and Jen's house-warming party after work on Saturday--I more or less say no, which isn't even true, but I'm that much of a dipshit when I like guys. I then go on to tell him that I don't work at the restaurant tomorrow so I'll only work until one, which is WRONG, because I'm working for Tiffany tomorrow until six. Fuck.
Anyway.
So that's when he nods, thinks for a second, and then tells me, looking so damn adorable that I want to put a frowney face here, the "I'll probably call you this weekend" bit from the above quote.
It was not a definitive anything, he was just getting the upper hand again, and I've realized he always does this. He always asks the question to ascertain whether I'm doing anything and if I'm doing what i'm doing with anyone, and if so, who--BUT he never gives any info back! He'll ask me what I'm doing on any given evening, and if i'm going to a movie, who am I taking, but if HE'S going to the movie and he asks me what i'm doing that night, he will just nod when I say nothing. He doesn't invite me. He doesn't tell me who he's going to the movie with--nothing. He just puts me at a disadvantage by finding out precisely what i'm doing, and then the conversation is over.
And I am putting that in the con/red flag column, dammit.
Because whether or not it is intentional, I think that could fall under the "controlling" column, which is sandwiched between the "abusive" and "jealous" columns. Which... is not the best group of columns.
But I don't think Jake is any of that bad stuff.
I hope not, anyway.
But the fact that I like him is cause for concern. That instant draw I felt. All the similarities to Mike...
The last blue-eyed Aquarian that I worked with who had unresolved issues from his last girlfriend/first love really didn't go so well for me...
But anyway, then after Jake left Tiffany come in the office, hops up on my desk and grins at me--one of those scary grins.
I kind of smile cautiously, as if to wordlessly prompt her to speak.
"You totally have the hots for Jake," she states.
In my memory, there is a tremor as I recall the day Kirstie realized I liked Mike and stated something along the lines of, "You totally want Mikey's dick," which was more or less the same moment that just happened, only it was much longer ago.
I couldn't lie to Tiffany, mostly because I figured denying it would be stupid if we do end up dating, and I'm totally sure I do like him, so I'm not going to change my mind about it unless it doesn't work out. So I laugh and say, "Yeah, just a little."
And she tells me it's cute.
But for the next five minute, I am a little haunted by the past. The memories of standing behind the warmer as Kirstie realized I liked Mike.
There are so many similarities that it's hard not to call them red flags.
Looking back, wouldn't I call them red flags now with Mike?