Reasons I Suck....
Current Mood: villain
Current Music: Everything You Want- Vertical Horizon & Your Guardian Angel- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
"But you fucked me over once already."
The above quote was from Mike.
The above songs are Eddie's MySpace songs. He added Everything You Want after I vented to Erika the other night about my personal life and she was at her mom's house with Eddie over her shoulder.
Anyway, that wasn't what I planned to say.
What I wanted to say is that I am being grossly unfair. To everyone. To myself. Mostly to Eddie, which makes me feel rather shitty, because he has been so attentive and so nice to me.
And I am really rather stupid.
Jeremy 2 is rather adamant about hanging out with me when he gets his car fixed, which is a really bad idea. It's a bad idea because I genuinely like him as a person (rare) and he makes me laugh. Plus he compliments me all the time, and doesn't make me feel awkward.
And he's married, with two daughters, which totally disqualifies him.
Anyway, moving along the Daddy Market, Mike has been nice to me as of late, because I think he started feeling bad for me since I very obviously felt like shit. I even told him at one point that I can't get past my first love.
The funny thing is, I think I say these things to him MORE when I'm in the midst of getting over him. Which.... doesn't make sense. But that's how it happens.
I went to see 500 Days of Summer yesterday, and it was cathartic, and it inspired me to do this, to get past Mike, to forget about him and be good.
Of course on my way home from the movie Mike randomly makes contact to ask if I've found a job.
The next day, he randomly contacted me to ask how my day was.
And the progress has all been postponed indefinitely, because once he started talking to me I started being dumb again and basically offering myself up as his dirty little secret, which would almost make sense if I were in the misery part or the loneliness stage, but I wasn't. I had been IMing Jeremy AND this Chad guy (who does not need his own tag) all evening. I talked to Jeremy for like five hours last night--I didn't stop being attentive until Mike started texting me at like 1 am and then I turned my attention to him.
But the funny thing is, even as I tell him I want to be with him, I'm sitting here thinking, "Why did you say that? No you don't. You have decided it's time to move on, you have accepted that you deserve more--what are you doing?"
I don't know what I'm doing.
Making a mess.
Again.
And Eddie tells me I'm perfect.
I am so far from perfect.
Current Music: Everything You Want- Vertical Horizon & Your Guardian Angel- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
"But you fucked me over once already."
The above quote was from Mike.
The above songs are Eddie's MySpace songs. He added Everything You Want after I vented to Erika the other night about my personal life and she was at her mom's house with Eddie over her shoulder.
Anyway, that wasn't what I planned to say.
What I wanted to say is that I am being grossly unfair. To everyone. To myself. Mostly to Eddie, which makes me feel rather shitty, because he has been so attentive and so nice to me.
And I am really rather stupid.
Jeremy 2 is rather adamant about hanging out with me when he gets his car fixed, which is a really bad idea. It's a bad idea because I genuinely like him as a person (rare) and he makes me laugh. Plus he compliments me all the time, and doesn't make me feel awkward.
And he's married, with two daughters, which totally disqualifies him.
Anyway, moving along the Daddy Market, Mike has been nice to me as of late, because I think he started feeling bad for me since I very obviously felt like shit. I even told him at one point that I can't get past my first love.
The funny thing is, I think I say these things to him MORE when I'm in the midst of getting over him. Which.... doesn't make sense. But that's how it happens.
I went to see 500 Days of Summer yesterday, and it was cathartic, and it inspired me to do this, to get past Mike, to forget about him and be good.
Of course on my way home from the movie Mike randomly makes contact to ask if I've found a job.
The next day, he randomly contacted me to ask how my day was.
And the progress has all been postponed indefinitely, because once he started talking to me I started being dumb again and basically offering myself up as his dirty little secret, which would almost make sense if I were in the misery part or the loneliness stage, but I wasn't. I had been IMing Jeremy AND this Chad guy (who does not need his own tag) all evening. I talked to Jeremy for like five hours last night--I didn't stop being attentive until Mike started texting me at like 1 am and then I turned my attention to him.
But the funny thing is, even as I tell him I want to be with him, I'm sitting here thinking, "Why did you say that? No you don't. You have decided it's time to move on, you have accepted that you deserve more--what are you doing?"
I don't know what I'm doing.
Making a mess.
Again.
And Eddie tells me I'm perfect.
I am so far from perfect.