The Adventures of Super Bitch.
Current Mood:
caught up in life as an "It" girl
Current Playlist: Christina Aguilera- Keeps Gettin' Better
Saving Abel- Addicted
All-American Rejects- Gives You Hell
Carly Simon- You're So Vain
"So baby, yes I know what I am, and no I don't give a damn. Some days I'm a super bitch, up to my old tricks, but it won't last forever. Next day I'm your super girl, out to save the world, and it keeps gettin' better."
"As for you, well you know where to go; I wanna take my love and hate you 'til the end...."
"Now you'll never see what you've done to me. You can take back your memories, they're no good to me. And here's all your lies, you can look me in the eyes with that sad, sad look that you wear so well. When you see my face hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell. When you walk my way hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell. When you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well, then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope he gives you hell."
"You had me several years ago, when I was still quite naive..."
As you may have gathered from the previous entry, Mike and I were heading for another break-up.
I know I've said this before, but this one should be our last.
Prior to today I would have said absolutely without a shadow of a doubt, but there's a teeny tiny little shadow--not a big shadow! Just a little baby shadow that will probably fade away and amount to nothing.
This year, I am going to work on getting stronger in any and every sense.
At any rate, Mike and I broke up and he... pushed me over the edge, and I kind of went psycho-bitch. It wasn't good. But it was his fault. He's been hating on me since New Year's Eve because Sarah texted me again and asked me, and this time I didn't cover for him, I told her yes, we had been sleeping together, and I even sent pictures. It was rather diabolical of me, and totally out of character, but it just proved to me that it was not good. There should not be a guy able to push the buttons that do those things. But he did. (I'm not writing about it. It's over; it's done. I don't want to rehash it.)
And I really thought he would hate me forever, which was reinforced the other night when he was a total bastard to me, then basically told me to leave work. I resisted for 15 minutes out of spite, but then I could feel myself cracking--literally, like my insides felt like they were going to snap, and I almost quit my job, so instead I left. And when I got outside, this Super Bitch side of me that he unlocked emerged.... and I sent a picture to Katrina.
At any rate, this was when trhe shit really hit the fan.
Naturally it got back to Mike, being KFC.
And he's hated me since. He ripped up the picture strip of me and him--my side, anyway. Shoved it in the box with the DVD player and had Sarah bring it up to work so he could give it back to me.
It wasn't good.
Anyhoo.
I don't really want to talk about it, because I'm attempting not to give this relationship any attention. It has brouoght ME a lot infamy at KFC--I'll definitely go down in history as Shannon 4.0.
In other news, Erika's birthday party was Friday night and I sort of --emphasis on sort of, because it wasn't really a big deal-- hooked up with Chill-ee-me again. Nothing major at all, just minor... I don't know why I feel like it's so not a big deal this time, maybe because I'm proud of myself for being strong enough to say no 800 times. (He never listens to just one no, but when he's drunk, he's especially forceful. This time, unlike the treehouse, I stood up for my damn self. I did no more than I was willing.) But yeah, he has a girlfriend, so... that's damn annoying. Not because I want to date him (although I did entertain the thought for a moment prior to the hook-up) but because I feel bad for the girl and I don't want to be a mistress anymore.
Plus, now my last kiss wasn't Mike B.
Oh well.
I guess there's not much else to say. Mike and I kind of made nice today, and he initiated, which shocked me, but he spoke of sex more than was fully appropriate, and Erika told me awhile ago to watch out, because he may try to fuck me over for revenge. And he hasn't taken his revenge. I mean, he's been a bastard, but I've one-upped him each time, and he has a lot of shit on me that he hasn't shared...
So I'm going to be cautious.
Plus, even if not for revenge, I'm a recovering addict--recovering addicts should not take even isolated hits of their drug.