The meaning of life
Depression and insomnia are horrible things. They make you think about yourself in ways you really don't want to, usually at times you really don't want to either. I had a great day not very long ago, and then found myself mired in self pity by bedtime - not helped by the fact that I really wasn't going to sleep for hours to come. I called my sister, who snapped me out of my self pity, and then got to talk to my mother. She's on holiday with my dad and grandparents in Nova Scotia at the moment, so I got to hear about all the cool things they've been doing. That also helped. Then, when I finally went to bed and was lying there trying to get to sleep, I realised it. The meaning of life! It is:
To prove to ourselves that we are NOT a waste of space.
I wrote it down, so I wouldn't forget it. Cause yeah, I forget a lot of things. But this is important. See, we go through lives trying to make our mark. Many people do this by having kids, and knowing they've raised them well. Many people do this by getting involved in their communities, churches, or politics. There are infinite ways to prove that we are not a waste of space. To be simply a drain on resources, spending our parent's or the government's money. Or our spouse's. To know that if your family wants to see you, *they* have to pay for you to come home. Those are our worst fears. We want to mean something to someone, to be able to support ourselves financially (or at least help), to be missed when we're gone, to be Someone. And herein lies the problem.
Most humans are, if not perfectionists, beings who have trouble seeing their own self-worth. My mother may turn around and say it's her pleasure to buy me a plane ticket home, put me up in their house, and feed me their food, all for the joy of getting to see me. In other words, she does it because she loves me. Husbands may say to their wives that they make enough money, and want the wives to stay at home and enjoy life, because they love them. But I will still think I'm a drain, and those wives will still want to be independent. You see it in history. Housewives want to go out and work (while those working want to be ladies of leisure) and if society would let them, men would be the same. I'm not going to get into that any more.
We never think we're good enough. And that's why no one can ever feel like they've cracked the meaning of life. Because we have to be at peace with our place in the world, to know that we do make a difference in people's lives for the better, and that we're not just a waste of space, eating food that we don't deserve, spending resources we haven't earned.
When I took my depression cognitive behavioural therapy, I remember that we were supposed to focus on the good and not the bad. Sometimes, it's really hard. But this is something we can always remember: we're loved by someone, be it our parents, friends, or even a signifigant other if we're lucky enough to have one, and that means we can't be a waste of space.
This entry was originally posted at http://writerdahling.dreamwidth.org/68145.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
To prove to ourselves that we are NOT a waste of space.
I wrote it down, so I wouldn't forget it. Cause yeah, I forget a lot of things. But this is important. See, we go through lives trying to make our mark. Many people do this by having kids, and knowing they've raised them well. Many people do this by getting involved in their communities, churches, or politics. There are infinite ways to prove that we are not a waste of space. To be simply a drain on resources, spending our parent's or the government's money. Or our spouse's. To know that if your family wants to see you, *they* have to pay for you to come home. Those are our worst fears. We want to mean something to someone, to be able to support ourselves financially (or at least help), to be missed when we're gone, to be Someone. And herein lies the problem.
Most humans are, if not perfectionists, beings who have trouble seeing their own self-worth. My mother may turn around and say it's her pleasure to buy me a plane ticket home, put me up in their house, and feed me their food, all for the joy of getting to see me. In other words, she does it because she loves me. Husbands may say to their wives that they make enough money, and want the wives to stay at home and enjoy life, because they love them. But I will still think I'm a drain, and those wives will still want to be independent. You see it in history. Housewives want to go out and work (while those working want to be ladies of leisure) and if society would let them, men would be the same. I'm not going to get into that any more.
We never think we're good enough. And that's why no one can ever feel like they've cracked the meaning of life. Because we have to be at peace with our place in the world, to know that we do make a difference in people's lives for the better, and that we're not just a waste of space, eating food that we don't deserve, spending resources we haven't earned.
When I took my depression cognitive behavioural therapy, I remember that we were supposed to focus on the good and not the bad. Sometimes, it's really hard. But this is something we can always remember: we're loved by someone, be it our parents, friends, or even a signifigant other if we're lucky enough to have one, and that means we can't be a waste of space.
This entry was originally posted at http://writerdahling.dreamwidth.org/68145.html. Please comment there using OpenID.