In plain sight, we must be found
If I'm totally gonna be honest, the reason why I haven't had sex with men is because I'm terrified with that level of intimacy, of the tremendous surrender it takes. I've used the valid reason of avoiding teenage pregnancy, the burden of having a child at such an early age, and I mean it. What surprises me though is how often I would imagine myself in the loving arms of a man--and the picture stays. It's not a big deal, really. I like boys probably as much as I like girls---only in a different league. My guard is tougher with boys around and it would even seem that I like to wear a costume to keep them away. So this all leads to my inclination to cover up myself with pretty, optimistic, ornamental masks, hoping they won't care enough to see through that---and find the dark underneath. I've trained myself to be a pathological liar even among friends. My very, ultimate, truest self only appears in writing and perhaps this is the reason why I uphold writing in a pedestal. But honesty is always in disguise just as much as the truth is subjective.
I like myself enough to admit it needs to stay hidden.
I've been thinking about GLOBALIZATION---how it's now easier to form connection in some suspended area somewhere that's helped more or less by technological innovation, how scarce it is for someone to be an individual when everyone is willing to settle to just be another social trend's carbon copy; a copy after copy after copy. It's catching up to us, can anyone else feel it? All the liberty and freedom but we're at war with ourselves. It's the real paradox of our time. The irony doesn't make me laugh anymore.
We're still human and yet we can't always feel it, that sometimes we're so desperate for every touch we end up crashing into each other just to feel something.
I like myself enough to admit it needs to stay hidden.
I've been thinking about GLOBALIZATION---how it's now easier to form connection in some suspended area somewhere that's helped more or less by technological innovation, how scarce it is for someone to be an individual when everyone is willing to settle to just be another social trend's carbon copy; a copy after copy after copy. It's catching up to us, can anyone else feel it? All the liberty and freedom but we're at war with ourselves. It's the real paradox of our time. The irony doesn't make me laugh anymore.
We're still human and yet we can't always feel it, that sometimes we're so desperate for every touch we end up crashing into each other just to feel something.