It's groundhog day from the 1990s, except now it's 2013.
Well, y'all, after years of absence, I have decided to pick back up the ol' livejournal. It's like a favorite instrument, a cozy old chair, a place where the emotional me can write brisk abrupt things and be kind of anonymous. I like writing and knowing that it is posted publicly, and I like knowing that because of where it is posted, it likely will not be read by anyone. I'm blogging into semi-dead space. It's oddly sexy.
I'd like to start my second love affair with livejournal off right. Last night, I dreamt that I was kidnapped by a girl with a helicopter who kept trying to feed me to crocodiles. I spent the entire night running from huge dark green and brown crocodiles. I felt like they had some sympathy for me but I am not sure why. I was left with a mental impression of one crocodile thrashing over onto its side, exposing its white crocodile belly, and vanishing into a giant mud puddle. I could have died. Fortunately, I made it.
Human sexuality is some confusing, fucked up shit that we all indulge in.
I know what my ideal life for myself is. It took me years to figure that out. So many years. But I've finally got a handle on myself, and feel not only incredibly confident and comfortable in my skin, but also oddly depressed and scared. Becoming comfortable in your own skin requires acknowledging that in the past you lived in some shitty skin and were crazy. And then you weren't crazy because you let others help you. Thank you, anonymous. You know I love you, babe. Now? Refocus.
I'm going to be a doctor. Really. I am going to study, learn lots of formulas, score big on the MCAT, and then apply to med school. And then go there. I might even go to UAMS. It's actually a good school, although I will give myself the next year to decide. I finally have the confidence to follow a career path that I've honestly wanted for a while, but I had convinced myself that I was too stupid. Oh, no, I've got the brain for it. Now comes the work really hard for the goal part. I've already been accepted to the Johns Hopkins post bacc pre-med program, which is a step in the right direction. It's a year long program that prepares career changers for medical school. I will be spending the next week completing financial aid forms and reading about housing on...umm...craigslist, because I am not sure at this point if I can afford to look anywhere else, but hey. I also will be spending my time finishing up grant reports for the Peace Corps.
Speaking of which, I'm almost done. Last time I updated in 2010, I was en route to Kyrgyzstan. I went there. I was evacuated after a bloody revolution and an ethnic cleansing. I ended up in Senegal instead. I am coming back to the states in March, after two crazy years of the craziest things I have ever experienced in my life. I will come back radically altered, and I know everyone says it's easy to get back into the routine of things back in America, I am not so sure it will be. These three years have been a rollercoaster and my life has been turned on it's head, shaken up, and sat back down in a different spot. Crooked. A clear spot exists in the dust where I used to stand.
Clear spot.
I'd like to start my second love affair with livejournal off right. Last night, I dreamt that I was kidnapped by a girl with a helicopter who kept trying to feed me to crocodiles. I spent the entire night running from huge dark green and brown crocodiles. I felt like they had some sympathy for me but I am not sure why. I was left with a mental impression of one crocodile thrashing over onto its side, exposing its white crocodile belly, and vanishing into a giant mud puddle. I could have died. Fortunately, I made it.
Human sexuality is some confusing, fucked up shit that we all indulge in.
I know what my ideal life for myself is. It took me years to figure that out. So many years. But I've finally got a handle on myself, and feel not only incredibly confident and comfortable in my skin, but also oddly depressed and scared. Becoming comfortable in your own skin requires acknowledging that in the past you lived in some shitty skin and were crazy. And then you weren't crazy because you let others help you. Thank you, anonymous. You know I love you, babe. Now? Refocus.
I'm going to be a doctor. Really. I am going to study, learn lots of formulas, score big on the MCAT, and then apply to med school. And then go there. I might even go to UAMS. It's actually a good school, although I will give myself the next year to decide. I finally have the confidence to follow a career path that I've honestly wanted for a while, but I had convinced myself that I was too stupid. Oh, no, I've got the brain for it. Now comes the work really hard for the goal part. I've already been accepted to the Johns Hopkins post bacc pre-med program, which is a step in the right direction. It's a year long program that prepares career changers for medical school. I will be spending the next week completing financial aid forms and reading about housing on...umm...craigslist, because I am not sure at this point if I can afford to look anywhere else, but hey. I also will be spending my time finishing up grant reports for the Peace Corps.
Speaking of which, I'm almost done. Last time I updated in 2010, I was en route to Kyrgyzstan. I went there. I was evacuated after a bloody revolution and an ethnic cleansing. I ended up in Senegal instead. I am coming back to the states in March, after two crazy years of the craziest things I have ever experienced in my life. I will come back radically altered, and I know everyone says it's easy to get back into the routine of things back in America, I am not so sure it will be. These three years have been a rollercoaster and my life has been turned on it's head, shaken up, and sat back down in a different spot. Crooked. A clear spot exists in the dust where I used to stand.
Clear spot.