Stupid Lies: Let It All Burn Down
Title: Stupid Lies: Let It All Burn Down
Chapter: 2 (of ?)
Pairing: Jinyoung/Jaebum, Jinyoung/Mark
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 1020
Summary: The third installment to the Bleeding Love Saga. It follows Bleeding Love: Stupid Questions and Bleeding Love: Stupid Cliches. It would be beneficial to read both of those first. AU.
[If he’s honest with himself - and truthfully, he rarely is when it comes to Jinyoung-related things because he learns lies become easier to swallow the more you say them - he’s tired of this nomadic lifestyle.]
_____________
Because I love you
I will leave you
For you… I will leave
“For you” by Im Jaebum
-
I know I left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
“White Flag” by Dido
_____________
Jaebum makes it easy for Jinyoung to not feel guilty about inviting, or in some cases, not inviting him over to parties or out to socialize. He takes himself out of the equation completely. He moves.
(Noble idiot syndrome at its finest perhaps.)
He moves around quite a lot. To Vegas first, for a few months, and purely for hedonistic reasons. To LA, to London, to Seoul. He does extraordinarily well in his field. That’s what throwing yourself into work gets you. No life (which is okay for the most part since living had lost its meaning the same time he lost Jinyoung) and a resume that makes him envied and hated by many.
Attempting to forget becomes part of his daily routine, like the clothes he puts on, it becomes an armor he wears to protect himself against unwanted thoughts and memories. They slip through the crevices though, putting chinks in his armor, time and time again, and make it seem like he’s fighting a losing battle.
He dates throughout the years. He uses the term ‘dates’ lightly (if you can use it at all) because nothing lasts longer than a week or two at most. It isn’t fair to any of them anyway, it’s not like he can freely give them his heart. His heart hadn’t belonged to him in years, not since that fateful day on the playground.
Most of the time, it’s just a one-night stand, where they both want to feel something, anything; a brief respite from the lonely, empty lives they lead. Desperately they crave the high of a good fuck and the illusion of being wanted and loved before morning dawn comes to break the spell cast during the night’s darkest hours, shedding light on the lies they whispered in heated, meaningless moments.
And afterward, if he hates himself a little bit more, he pretends that he feels nothing and he is made of stone, not glass. Glass is much too breakable after all, and he can’t afford to try and pick up the pieces again. It’s not like he did a great job the first time anyway. He hadn’t felt whole and complete since that morning he walked away from Jinyoung, closing the door behind him with such finality that the possibility of something happy and good in his life disappeared like smoke in the wind.
-
The last remnants of winter’s first snow has melted away when he gets a call from his agent. (It feels weird and more than a little pretentious to have an agent, but then again, it’s nice to have someone else deal with peripheral concerns.)
A great job opportunity; the best yet. His agent, Matt, keeps building up the job with all its numerous benefits and the future connections it can bring to him.
“What’s the catch?” he asks because it sounds too good to be true. He waits for the proverbial other shoe to drop, and when it does, he can feel the reverberations deep within his bones, much like a pebble skipped across a river creating rippling effects in still waters.
“It’s in NYC.”
Oh, oh. New York, the one place he had told his agent specifically to pass on any and all offers. The place (a person) he wants to avoid.
The job is golden, something he had always wanted, an opportunity that is truly too good for any sane person to pass up. Of course, he’s proven that title doesn’t fit him well.
“Let me think about it.”
Matt, unsurprisingly, isn’t happy with his lukewarm response and breaks into a passionate speech about how he’s a difficult client and maybe he should drop him if he can’t be more grateful for the hard work he puts in behind the scenes. They’ve known each other for a while now, which makes his agent feel comfortable in his speech toward him, and which makes him comfortable enough to hang up on Matt mid-rant and turn his phone off to avoid the callbacks that’ll surely follow.
It’s been seven years since he left. At times, it feels like it was just yesterday he boarded the plane to Vegas and other days, he swears he can feel every single year, month, week, day, hour, minute, and second that has passed since he last saw Jinyoung’s face.
Who says Jinyoung and Mark still live in New York City? They’re probably living the good life with two kids, a white picket fence, a dog and cat in some city or town less frantically paced; the American Dream in its fullest, brightest colors. And if not, if by chance, they’re still living there, the odds of running into each other in a city filled with over eight million people is slim to none.
If he’s honest with himself - and truthfully, he rarely is when it comes to Jinyoung-related things because he learns lies become easier to swallow the more you say them - he’s tired of this nomadic lifestyle. Never feeling fully settled, never feeling like the apartment he returns to after a long day is anything more than a place to rest his head. The feelings of home and belonging elude him, like butterflies in the springtime; no matter how hard he chases after both, they’re never quite in reach. He thinks about his parents next, how they’re getting older. They live in Chicago now, moving shortly after he left New York, but still it’d be nice to live in the same country versus being almost seven thousand miles away in Korea.
It takes two weeks, two weeks of back and forth and debates and worrying and longing for him to finally return Matt’s call (all twenty-seven of them) and accept the job offer.
For better or for worse, he’s returning home.
Prodigal son, no more.
_____________
(I’m sorry.)
There’s a story to be told and to unfold, and I hope you’ll stick around for the journey. If you would, please let me know what you think of the update? Constructive criticism, comments, they’re all very appreciated.
Chapter: 2 (of ?)
Pairing: Jinyoung/Jaebum, Jinyoung/Mark
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 1020
Summary: The third installment to the Bleeding Love Saga. It follows Bleeding Love: Stupid Questions and Bleeding Love: Stupid Cliches. It would be beneficial to read both of those first. AU.
[If he’s honest with himself - and truthfully, he rarely is when it comes to Jinyoung-related things because he learns lies become easier to swallow the more you say them - he’s tired of this nomadic lifestyle.]
_____________
Because I love you
I will leave you
For you… I will leave
“For you” by Im Jaebum
-
I know I left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
“White Flag” by Dido
_____________
Jaebum makes it easy for Jinyoung to not feel guilty about inviting, or in some cases, not inviting him over to parties or out to socialize. He takes himself out of the equation completely. He moves.
(Noble idiot syndrome at its finest perhaps.)
He moves around quite a lot. To Vegas first, for a few months, and purely for hedonistic reasons. To LA, to London, to Seoul. He does extraordinarily well in his field. That’s what throwing yourself into work gets you. No life (which is okay for the most part since living had lost its meaning the same time he lost Jinyoung) and a resume that makes him envied and hated by many.
Attempting to forget becomes part of his daily routine, like the clothes he puts on, it becomes an armor he wears to protect himself against unwanted thoughts and memories. They slip through the crevices though, putting chinks in his armor, time and time again, and make it seem like he’s fighting a losing battle.
He dates throughout the years. He uses the term ‘dates’ lightly (if you can use it at all) because nothing lasts longer than a week or two at most. It isn’t fair to any of them anyway, it’s not like he can freely give them his heart. His heart hadn’t belonged to him in years, not since that fateful day on the playground.
Most of the time, it’s just a one-night stand, where they both want to feel something, anything; a brief respite from the lonely, empty lives they lead. Desperately they crave the high of a good fuck and the illusion of being wanted and loved before morning dawn comes to break the spell cast during the night’s darkest hours, shedding light on the lies they whispered in heated, meaningless moments.
And afterward, if he hates himself a little bit more, he pretends that he feels nothing and he is made of stone, not glass. Glass is much too breakable after all, and he can’t afford to try and pick up the pieces again. It’s not like he did a great job the first time anyway. He hadn’t felt whole and complete since that morning he walked away from Jinyoung, closing the door behind him with such finality that the possibility of something happy and good in his life disappeared like smoke in the wind.
-
The last remnants of winter’s first snow has melted away when he gets a call from his agent. (It feels weird and more than a little pretentious to have an agent, but then again, it’s nice to have someone else deal with peripheral concerns.)
A great job opportunity; the best yet. His agent, Matt, keeps building up the job with all its numerous benefits and the future connections it can bring to him.
“What’s the catch?” he asks because it sounds too good to be true. He waits for the proverbial other shoe to drop, and when it does, he can feel the reverberations deep within his bones, much like a pebble skipped across a river creating rippling effects in still waters.
“It’s in NYC.”
Oh, oh. New York, the one place he had told his agent specifically to pass on any and all offers. The place (a person) he wants to avoid.
The job is golden, something he had always wanted, an opportunity that is truly too good for any sane person to pass up. Of course, he’s proven that title doesn’t fit him well.
“Let me think about it.”
Matt, unsurprisingly, isn’t happy with his lukewarm response and breaks into a passionate speech about how he’s a difficult client and maybe he should drop him if he can’t be more grateful for the hard work he puts in behind the scenes. They’ve known each other for a while now, which makes his agent feel comfortable in his speech toward him, and which makes him comfortable enough to hang up on Matt mid-rant and turn his phone off to avoid the callbacks that’ll surely follow.
It’s been seven years since he left. At times, it feels like it was just yesterday he boarded the plane to Vegas and other days, he swears he can feel every single year, month, week, day, hour, minute, and second that has passed since he last saw Jinyoung’s face.
Who says Jinyoung and Mark still live in New York City? They’re probably living the good life with two kids, a white picket fence, a dog and cat in some city or town less frantically paced; the American Dream in its fullest, brightest colors. And if not, if by chance, they’re still living there, the odds of running into each other in a city filled with over eight million people is slim to none.
If he’s honest with himself - and truthfully, he rarely is when it comes to Jinyoung-related things because he learns lies become easier to swallow the more you say them - he’s tired of this nomadic lifestyle. Never feeling fully settled, never feeling like the apartment he returns to after a long day is anything more than a place to rest his head. The feelings of home and belonging elude him, like butterflies in the springtime; no matter how hard he chases after both, they’re never quite in reach. He thinks about his parents next, how they’re getting older. They live in Chicago now, moving shortly after he left New York, but still it’d be nice to live in the same country versus being almost seven thousand miles away in Korea.
It takes two weeks, two weeks of back and forth and debates and worrying and longing for him to finally return Matt’s call (all twenty-seven of them) and accept the job offer.
For better or for worse, he’s returning home.
Prodigal son, no more.
_____________
(I’m sorry.)
There’s a story to be told and to unfold, and I hope you’ll stick around for the journey. If you would, please let me know what you think of the update? Constructive criticism, comments, they’re all very appreciated.