(no subject)
Some of you may remember this entry http://writemywayout.livejournal.com/96846.html from back in december. Well....I'm coming up with a new list.
a. I found a new medication for my GAD. I feel 100x's better. The last anxiety attacks I had were caused by birds. once in Venice and once in a stair well at 9a.m. I'm pretty sure the ones in the stairwell were also mildly caused by either still being drunk/just very hungover/in desperate need of some more sleep.
b. Maybe i'm a little crazy. However, i've come to realize that everyone is crazy, you just need to find someone as crazy as you.
c. The 2 guys mentioned before. Well both are somewhat out of my life. One guy needs to be, mostly because I don't trust ourselves around eachother. The other told me the other day he met someone and it was the first time in his life he felt truly comfortable with someone. Translated: I was never actually in love with you, I actually only liked you that one time because you hung out with skaters and smoked pot and listened to good music. You weren't a normal girl.
d.My best friend still lives 2 hours away. I now have absolutely no idea how long it's been since i've seen him and if I can still say he's my best friend. It's weird debating this at 24.
e.Chicago is still great. There's so much drama though I don't know how to deal with it. i would love to just be able to go and have a drink and not worry about if someone is gonna make up some shit about who was with who etc etc etc.
f.I still haven't actually dated anyone in 2 years.
g. I saw bobby for the first time since he left for Colorado. It was nice to see him, but (if you read this no offense and i apologize) it was better to see him go. I lost it for a day or 2 after. If i had to hear one more person say OH MY GOD KELLY!! I saw Bobby! he looks fantastic, he sounds so happy with his girlfriend. His life is great! are you happy for him?" Yes yes yes I am very happy for him (you). He does look fantastic. I couldn't be happier with out him. How about you ask how i'm doing?
h.I love Fall/winter/spring in Chicago. I fucking hate summer. I don't like summer clothes. I'm already deciding on my fall/winter wardrobe. The only good thing about summer. dresses and heels.
i.Baby mama drama is still for 12 year olds.
j.I miss my grandpa more now than I did then. 2 weeks ago or so I ended up at B.G. Fellows at 3:30 in the morning on a friday night/saturday morning. That was the night papa would have been there. I lost my breath a little walking in. Knowing the reason I haven't gone there is not just because I don't like the place but because I see him every where in there. I smell him in there. I still haven't erased his cell phone number or house phone number from my cell phone. So while in B.G.s I sent him a text message. Sure his cell phone has been off since 2 days after he died and I have no idea who has his cell phone number. But I just needed a way to tell him I was there and I was ok and i missed him and that if I wasn't such an alcoholic I would have just drank diet coke and asked the dj to play jelly head. But I think i would have had a nervous breakdown if that song came on.
k.Rodan is becoming increasingly less familiar. As I've heard from the Bloomington crowd Rosies did as well.
L. I don't miss speech, but I do miss performing and writing. I finally started writing my novel.
M.In last 3 months I have found out who my true friends are. Sadly they weren't who I thought they were. i guess those people can say the same thing about me. But what goes around comes around I guess.
N. I walk every day. I don't know where it's going to take me.
O. My 24th birthday started a new spiral of life for me. I stood up for myself that night and I have every night since then. I got a text message on my way home from someone telling me I didn't deserve to have a shitty birthday. I sometimes wonder if things would have turned out differently if I would have gone there then.
P.This list isn't nearly as long as the last one. It is merely an update and there were so many things I could have omitted from the first one that I'm leaving out of this one. Just another way of showing i've grown up. I'm not mentioning busted girls or asshole guys.
R. I still like working at starbucks. Now it's mainly because I get to see guys in Suits all day.
a. I found a new medication for my GAD. I feel 100x's better. The last anxiety attacks I had were caused by birds. once in Venice and once in a stair well at 9a.m. I'm pretty sure the ones in the stairwell were also mildly caused by either still being drunk/just very hungover/in desperate need of some more sleep.
b. Maybe i'm a little crazy. However, i've come to realize that everyone is crazy, you just need to find someone as crazy as you.
c. The 2 guys mentioned before. Well both are somewhat out of my life. One guy needs to be, mostly because I don't trust ourselves around eachother. The other told me the other day he met someone and it was the first time in his life he felt truly comfortable with someone. Translated: I was never actually in love with you, I actually only liked you that one time because you hung out with skaters and smoked pot and listened to good music. You weren't a normal girl.
d.My best friend still lives 2 hours away. I now have absolutely no idea how long it's been since i've seen him and if I can still say he's my best friend. It's weird debating this at 24.
e.Chicago is still great. There's so much drama though I don't know how to deal with it. i would love to just be able to go and have a drink and not worry about if someone is gonna make up some shit about who was with who etc etc etc.
f.I still haven't actually dated anyone in 2 years.
g. I saw bobby for the first time since he left for Colorado. It was nice to see him, but (if you read this no offense and i apologize) it was better to see him go. I lost it for a day or 2 after. If i had to hear one more person say OH MY GOD KELLY!! I saw Bobby! he looks fantastic, he sounds so happy with his girlfriend. His life is great! are you happy for him?" Yes yes yes I am very happy for him (you). He does look fantastic. I couldn't be happier with out him. How about you ask how i'm doing?
h.I love Fall/winter/spring in Chicago. I fucking hate summer. I don't like summer clothes. I'm already deciding on my fall/winter wardrobe. The only good thing about summer. dresses and heels.
i.Baby mama drama is still for 12 year olds.
j.I miss my grandpa more now than I did then. 2 weeks ago or so I ended up at B.G. Fellows at 3:30 in the morning on a friday night/saturday morning. That was the night papa would have been there. I lost my breath a little walking in. Knowing the reason I haven't gone there is not just because I don't like the place but because I see him every where in there. I smell him in there. I still haven't erased his cell phone number or house phone number from my cell phone. So while in B.G.s I sent him a text message. Sure his cell phone has been off since 2 days after he died and I have no idea who has his cell phone number. But I just needed a way to tell him I was there and I was ok and i missed him and that if I wasn't such an alcoholic I would have just drank diet coke and asked the dj to play jelly head. But I think i would have had a nervous breakdown if that song came on.
k.Rodan is becoming increasingly less familiar. As I've heard from the Bloomington crowd Rosies did as well.
L. I don't miss speech, but I do miss performing and writing. I finally started writing my novel.
M.In last 3 months I have found out who my true friends are. Sadly they weren't who I thought they were. i guess those people can say the same thing about me. But what goes around comes around I guess.
N. I walk every day. I don't know where it's going to take me.
O. My 24th birthday started a new spiral of life for me. I stood up for myself that night and I have every night since then. I got a text message on my way home from someone telling me I didn't deserve to have a shitty birthday. I sometimes wonder if things would have turned out differently if I would have gone there then.
P.This list isn't nearly as long as the last one. It is merely an update and there were so many things I could have omitted from the first one that I'm leaving out of this one. Just another way of showing i've grown up. I'm not mentioning busted girls or asshole guys.
R. I still like working at starbucks. Now it's mainly because I get to see guys in Suits all day.