Boys, boys, boys…
So it's been a while. But here's a little update type thing. There's a guy; a cute, talented, funny, grumpy guy who makes me have all kinds of feels. And he likes me, too.
Do you know how long it's been since a guy was interested in me? Since I was fifteen. When I was raped. I haven't let anyone be interested in me since, no matter how much I felt for them.
But Padraig is different. He's a self-proclaimed asshole, but he's really not. I mean, he has his moments just like anyone. But for the most part, he's sweet and nice and I really like him.
It scares me.
But then there are days like today. Normally we text every five minutes, unless he's at work-he's a chef. On his days off, I basically have to leave my phone plugged in all day or else it'll die five times over. But today I've heard from him once and he seemed grumpy. I haven't heard from him since.
It's sort of complicated, but he was going to go on a date with this chick. I kind of wonder if he went on that date tonight. But then he texted me. And it was grumpy and now I'm just confused. He knows how I feel about the date, which is to say he knows I hate the idea of him going out with someone else. But we worked through it.
*sigh* I guess I just don't know what to do and my friends aren't any help right now since they're not answering my texts.
It's too soon to say that I love him-we're not even dating. (did I mention I've known him for years?) But he makes me happy, so happy. Happier than I've been in forever. And I miss him when we haven't talked. It sucks because he lives in another city and he doesn't have a car and I don't have a license.
I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore. I just needed to vent a bit. I want to text him, but I'm not sure he wants me to. It's sad and frustrating. But mostly sad. I lub him.
xo
amanda: jaclyn's twin sister