Fic: Fight or Flight - Chapter Four
Title / Chapter: Fight or Flight (04/11)
Author: amanda: jaclyn’s twin sister / writefiction
Beta: scorpio_15
Artist: adobejunkie
Pairing: Kradam
Rating: NC-17 over all
Notes: First written for all_unwritten writing prompt #234: I can’t be trusted. Continued for kradambigbang Round 4.
Other Notes: Kris and Katy weren’t married when he was on Idol, but they were dating.
Master Fic Post
Master Art Post
Warnings: one “F” word
Word Count: 2,672 (not including lyrics)
Summary: Kris and Katy call it quits before the Idol Tour begins because Kris is in love with Adam. But Kris is too afraid to tell Adam how he feels. Until one day it slips out and Kris thinks he’s ruined everything. But little does he know, Adam feels the same. Their relationship has it’s ups and downs, but what will win out in the end? Is it fight or flight for this pair?
SONG CREDIT
Song: In a Second
Album: Into the Rush
Artist: Aly & AJ
Chapter Four
“You’re in love with me?”
Kris could only nod, not sure that he could actually speak.
“When did this happen?” Adam asked with a frown on his pretty, freckled lips.
Kris’ heart sank. He didn’t like the look Adam was giving him; a frown did not scream I love you, too. Kris shook his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he mumbled as he pulled back from Adam. “I uh, I think I’ll go stay with Lil and Allison tonight. I can ask for a room change in the morning.” Then he got up, grabbed a few items to take with him, and headed out of the hotel room. He didn’t even give Adam a chance to reply.
Down the hall, he took a deep breath and knocked on girls’ door. Lil was the one to answer. “Kris? What are you doing here?”
“Can I stay with you guys tonight?”
She stood back and gestured for Kris to come in. “Sure, sweetheart. Do you want to talk about it?”
Kris looked around and found Allison asleep in her bed, snoring quietly. “I can take the floor if you want,” he said.
“Oh hush, you,” said Lil. “I’ll just share with Alli, she won’t mind, and you can have my bed.”
“Are you sure?” Kris asked. He really didn’t want to burden his friends.
“Of course, honey. But let’s sit down and you can tell me what happened with Adam.” She guided him over to the empty bed and they sat down on the end.
Kris carded his hand through his hair. “I uh, I kind of kissed him and told him that I’m hopelessly in love with him.”
Lil’s eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. “Shut up! You did not!”
“Keep it down,” Kris hissed. “We don’t want to wake Alli.”
“Oops. Sorry,” Lil said quietly. “So you’re in love with Adam?” Kris nodded and looked down at the little goat that was still in his hand. “What about Katy?”
“We broke up before tour,” said Kris. “But we’re still friends. She figured everything out on her own before I’d even admitted it to myself.”
Lil grinned. “That Katy, she was always a smart one.”
Kris chuckled. “She sure is.” He paused to gnaw on his lower lip a moment. “Adam frowned when he asked me how long I had been in love with him.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him it didn’t matter and then I came right here.” Kris looked at her intently. “He’s already in love with someone and I don’t want to screw that up for him. Even if it kills me to see him with someone else, I just want him to be happy.”
Lil rubbed Kris’ back. “I know, and you’re a great friend for thinking like that. But what if the person he loves is you? You didn’t really have a conversation about it and you never asked him who he loves.”
“It’s not me,” Kris said. “How could he love me?”
“Oh, darlin’, have you ever seen the way that boy looks at you?”
“No?” Kris was confused.
“He looks at you like you’re the only one he can see,” Lil told him. “He looks at you the way you look at him.”
Kris bit at his cheek. “You really think so?”
Lil nodded. “I do.”
“So you think he’s in love with me, too?”
Lil shrugged. “Could be, but you’ll never know if you don’t ask.”
Kris took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Did he really want to have that kind of conversation with Adam? No, not really. But Lil was right, he’d never know if he didn’t ask. His gaze moved back to Lil. “Thanks… for everything.”
She hugged him tightly. “It’s no problem, sweetie. Now why don’t you get some rest and you can talk to Adam in the morning?” Kris nodded his agreement and slid between the sheets. He lay on his side and listened to Lil move around the room until unconsciousness took over.
****
The next morning, Kris awoke thinking he was in his hotel room and that his admission to Adam had just been a dream. But when he opened his eyes, he came face to face with Allison, her red hair rumpled with sleep. She was lying on her side in Kris’ bed, the blankets pulled up to her chin. Kris groaned and buried his face in his pillow when he realized that last night hadn’t been a dream; it was a reality he didn’t want to face.
“You okay, Krissy?” Allison asked, her voice more gravelly than normal from sleep.
“No,” he said. Then he turned his face out of the pillow to look at Allison. “Did Lil tell you what happened last night?” Allison shook her head, her eyes wide. “I uh, I told Adam that I loved him.”
Allison’s eyes seemed to get even wider, which Kris didn’t think was possible. “You told him you love him?” Kris gave her an awkward smile and shrugged one shoulder. “What did he say?”
“He frowned and asked me how long I’d been in love with him.”
“And what’d you say?”
“I told him it didn’t matter and then I came here to sleep.”
Allison pulled her hand out from under the blankets and smacked Kris upside the head.
“Ow! What was that for?”
Allison rolled her eyes. “Because you have to be the worst gay guy I know!”
“I’m not gay,” Kris muttered. “I’m bi, there’s a difference.”
Allison rolled her eyes again. “Whatevs.” She paused a beat. “Don’t you know that Adam is mad about you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about how Adam is completely in love with you and has been since Hollywood Week, duh!”
“Yeah, right.” Kris tried to think back, tried to determine if what Allison was saying was true, but he couldn’t come up with anything.
“Kristopher Allen, I am completely embarrassed to be your friend right now,” Allison announced.
“What? Why?”
“Because Adam is so obviously in love with you and you can’t see it at all.”
“I just…” Kris frowned. “I just don’t see it. Why would such an amazing guy like him be in love with me? He’s so talented and good-looking and just…” He looked helplessly at his friend. “Why would Adam be in love with me when he can have anyone he wants?”
Allison smiled at Kris and reached a hand out to press against his cheek. “You’re right, he can have anyone he wants and that person is you. You two were made for each other, Kris, I just know it. But I think Adam, until last night, was just as clueless about your feelings as you are about his.”
“Has he ever told you specifically that he’s in love with me?”
“No, but…”
“Then you really don’t know.”
“And you really don’t know that he doesn’t feel that way,” Allison retorted.
Huh. Now that made Kris stop and think. Allison had a point; he had no clue about Adam’s feelings either way. “I don’t know what to do next,” he whispered.
Allison smiled. “Just talk to him. I mean, it’s Adam and he’s your best friend.”
“That’s what makes it so hard,” Kris told her. “If he doesn’t have feelings for me, I’m scared that I’ve screwed it all up. I’m scared we’ll never be the same again and I love the relationship we have.”
“I know you do, but you also want more,” Allison said. “And you’ll never get more if you don’t find out how he feels.”
Kris sighed and pulled Allison into a hug. “God, you’re smart for a kid.”
She hugged him back and said, “I’m not that young.”
****
Kris avoided Adam like the plague that day. He was so nervous about what had happened between them and what was going to happen. He knew he wanted to do something special for Adam, but he wasn’t sure what. Then it hit him, he’d sing a song at the concert that night and dedicate it to Adam. He scanned his iTunes when he had a chance and found a song he didn’t even know he had. It must be one of Katy’s. He listened to the song through his ear buds and it was such a perfect song that he almost teared up. But when he told the tour manager about using a different song in his set, he was shut down because the song hadn’t been approved. Kris was disappointed. He couldn’t wait till he was on his own tour and could make his own decisions about what he would and wouldn’t play on stage.
****
After signing autographs for fans outside the venue, the Idols got on their buses, women on one and the men on the other. Kris was tuning his acoustic guitar as he sat in his bunk, thinking. He wasn’t sure he wanted to approach Adam with this specific subject while on the bus. But they weren’t going to have another hotel night for a few days and he really didn’t want to wait that long. So with a deep breath, he slipped from his bunk and looked towards the front where he found the rest of the guys, all except for Adam. So he headed to the back of the bus and found Adam on the couch, reading that same paperback.
Kris knocked gently on the door frame and Adam looked up at him.
He frowned. “Are you done ignoring me?”
Kris rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, I’m sorry about that,” he said.
“Yeah, right,” said Adam and focused his eyes on his book again. Kris didn’t know what to say next, so he did the next best thing. He entered the small lounge and sat on the unoccupied couch across from Adam. He’d spent so much time tuning his guitar beforehand that he didn’t bother to check it now. He licked his lips and began to play the opening notes of the song. Then the lyrics flowed as he stared at Adam, waiting for him to take notice.
“Don’t know where you are; wish I could just be near you. I would sail oceans to get a glimpse of how you feel. You’re all the things I’m looking for, everything and so much more.”
Kris watched Adam as he sang and played his guitar. When he got to the first chorus, Adam finally looked at him. Their gazes met and Adam sat up, folded down the corner of the page he was reading and tossed his book aside.
“What I think, you are just perfect. Could it be that I am worth it? Is this thing an open door? Walk right through to something more. You and me. My life would change in a second, in a second.
“Don’t know how you feel, you seem to keep it to yourself. Would you climb mountains to show me this is something real? You’re all the things I’m looking for; everything and so much more. What I think you are just perfect. Could it be that I am worth it? Is this thing an open door? Walk right through to something more. You and me. My life would change in a second, in a second.”
As Kris continued to sing, Adam got up from the couch and moved to sit next to him. He turned towards Adam to finish the song, sitting so close their knees almost touched. When he finished the song, Kris silenced his guitar and set it down beside the couch. “Kris…” Adam said, his face soft, his eyes shining brightly.
“I love you,” Kris told him. “And you said you’re in love with someone, too. I just need to know if it’s me or not.” He looked down at his hands, his fingers knotted together in his lap.
“You keep running away from me,” Adam said. Kris nodded, his gaze still on his hands. “Why?”
“I’m scared that I’ve ruined the most perfect friendship I’ve ever had,” Kris whispered. He looked up at Adam through his lashes. “Did I ruin it all?”
Adam reached forward to cup the side of Kris’ face. “What do you think?” Then he leaned in and pressed his lips to Kris’.
Kris couldn’t believe how soft Adam’s lips were. They moved so gently against his own, almost hesitant as if it was the first time Adam had kissed a guy instead of the other way around. After a moment, they slowly and reluctantly pulled away from each other.
Kris blinked slowly and saw that Adam’s eyes were still closed. “Adam?” Adam held his hand up to silence Kris. Kris waited for him to say something or open his eyes, but he didn’t. Kris tried again. “Adam?” But Adam shook his head, furrowing his eyebrows. Then Kris said his name for a third time.
Adam’s eyes rolled beneath his eyelids. “God, Arkansas, can’t you give a guy time to reflect?” Kris bit his lip, trying to keep silent. A heartbeat later, Adam’s eyes fluttered open and he began to stroke Kris’ hair.
Kris couldn’t help but lean into the touch. “What do you want to do?”
“Fight or flight, Kris, it’s up to you.”
“Fight,” Kris whispered.
Adam searched Kris’ eyes for a moment then leaned in close. Before their lips could touch, he stopped. “You can still run. At any point, you can run.”
“I won’t,” Kris promised.
Adam gave a short nod then closed the gap, his soft lips conforming to Kris’.
Kris moaned quietly when Adam’s tongue slipped passed his lips, tasting, licking, testing. Kris couldn’t get enough of the way Adam tasted, so sweet and something that was just purely… Adam. He needed to get closer. He grabbed a handful of Adam’s shirt in his fists and climbed into Adam’s lap, pushing at him to lie back on the couch. But Adam stopped him with a hand to his chest. Kris gave him a questioning look. “Not here,” Adam said. “Not now.”
Kris pouted. “Why not?”
“I want our first time to be special… and in a bed. I don’t want it to be some quick fuck in one of our bunks, ya know?”
Kris nodded. “Yeah, I know.” He breathed deeply as he hugged Adam close and pushed his face up against Adam’s neck. “I love you,” he whispered.
Adam kissed the side of Kris’ head as he rubbed his back gently. “I love you, too, Kris.”
The pair let a silence envelop them as they sat holding each other close, reveling in what had taken them almost a year to accomplish. They only broke apart when they heard the rest of their bus-mates coming down the hall towards them. Kris slid from Adam’s lap, sitting beside him, and leaned into his side.
“You sure about this?” Adam asked.
“About us?”
“About the others knowing.”
Kris opened his mouth to speak, but before any words could come out, the men entered the lounge and made themselves comfortable. “We thought we’d watch a movie. Wanna join?” Danny asked.
Kris and Adam shared a look and Adam answered for them. “We’ll have to take a rain check. Sorry guys.” Then he stood and headed out of the lounge with Kris right behind him.
He stopped when he got to their bunks and turned to Kris. “Your place or mine?” He asked with a smirk. Kris chuckled and climbed into his own bunk. He lay on his side, his back pressed up against the wall as he tried to make room. Then Adam crawled in, pressing tightly against Kris since the bunks really weren’t made for two people. He shut the curtain behind him as Kris reached up to turn the small overhead light on. Then he wrapped his arms tightly around Adam and brushed his lips against Adam’s freckled ones.
“What took us so long?”
“Well, for one, I thought you were straight,” Adam replied quietly, carding his hand through Kris’ hair.
Kris snorted. “Yeah, that kind of put a damper on things. Plus… I was scared of ruining what we already had.”
“Me, too,” Adam said. He stroked Kris’ hair as they stared into each other’s eyes. “What changed?” He asked after a moment.
“Lil and Alli told me to take a chance because they were sure you loved me, too.”
“And they were right.”
Kris nodded. “Will you stay for the night? I know it’s cramped in here, but… please?”
Adam smiled softly. “Of course I will.” He kissed Kris’ forehead. “But you have to be here when I wake up.”
Kris gave Adam a squeeze. “I don’t think I’ll be moving too far away from you any time soon.”
“Good to know.” There was a short pause. “Goodnight, Krissy. I love you.”
Kris smiled to himself as he snuggled further into Adam’s embrace. “Night, love you, too.” Then the two men drifted off to sleep.
****
Chapter Three // Chapter Five...