Please Stay With Me I Can't Do This Alone Again
So many people have died not only in the past few days, but also in these past two years. It has creeped me out, made me so depressed that I'm actually crying as of before I even started writing this post. I never ever thought Michael Jackson would die. He was always one of those people you thought would last forever. Now I'm sorry I never went out and bought Thriller and the only thing I ever had was Jackson 5's Greatest Hits. I used to listen to that cd while I drifted to sleep every night when I was 13.
I feel like I should be chain-smoking while I write this. And tonight proves I must have alcoholism in my blood because I want to get drunk off my ass right now and forget everything that's going on right now. All these deaths and how today is the third half birthday of Emilie's that she's missed since she died. If she were alive she would be 22 & 1/2 years old. She's been gone for 2 & a quarter years today exactly. I'm still not over it.
My sister is on strict bedrest with the twins. The doctor is hoping for another 2 & 1/2 weeks with those babies inside her. And Jessica is stupid and thinks she can go up&down the stairs two or three times a day and all this other shit. She's stupid. Her luck they'll come while we're down there Saturday because she won't keep her fat ass planted in bed! So with all these deaths and because my sister is stupid and because they've put her on a monitor and IV meds that I'm now freaking out about the twins. I don't think I can take much more.
And god, when my dad called the other day he was really upset because he'd fucked up and missed all those years of our lives and he doesn't think he has much time to make it up to me. He knows he's lost Jess & Troy forever. But he's still got Kev, me, Nessa, and Minnie. Plus their kids. But he won't have Jessica's twins. And I'll never have kids so really he's screwed in the grandkid arena.
I just want some hope in my life. I want some happiness. Mostly I'm sick & tired of being so depressed of so many people dying whether I knew them personally or not. It's been a hell of a last two years and I'm sick of it.
I feel like I'm drowning, drowning in heartach and tears. I just wish someone could save me. That's what I want: I want to be saved.
Won't you save me?
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