him

[write_suicide]

Last night was completely and utterly incredible. We went to the movies, like every Friday night, and then we pulled into a park by my house. We were just sitting in his truck, and he asked me if I would walk with him, and I did. It was a short walk, but we ended up in this beautiful empty space that had trees surrounding it.. I've driven and walked by that spot probably two million times in my life, but being in the middle of that place at midnight with all the stars shining and the noises the bugs were making.. especially because he was there, made it absolutely undescribable. I want to go there sometime at sunset with him, just lay back and watch the sun fade away into the horizen. I can't explain how I feel when I don't see him some days, like today. It's like I take a huge drink of water and choke on it until I see him again. It's pure hell when I go places for weeks at a time and he's not there, it feels like drowning in the ocean.

I'm neglecting my only friend when she needs me the most, but I can't go a day without seeing him. I can't go a night without talking to him on the phone until I fall alseep. I know she understands, but I also know that I can't do this to her. It's not fair. I want you to know, love, that I've never cared about you more in my life. I think about you constantly and I'm sorry it seems like I never have time for you. I know you're struggling but I want you to know I'm here for you. I love you and I'm so glad you're a part of my life. You're my best friend in the world, and no one can ever replace you, or your spot in my heart. I love you, Heather.