Drabble 2
Title: Drabble 2 Fandom: Original.
Author: write_rewrite
Rating: G.
Pairings: None.
Warnings: Emo; spinelessness.
Notes: I don't know what this is. I've slept maybe seven hours in the last two days, and I'm exhausted and strange. I kept them nameless, so people going through the same shit can empathize. I'm not. And I've probably spelled that wrong.
Summary: So it goes.
She had the whole world inked between her shoulderblades, in one concise and small line: 'So It Goes'. It was a tattoo that had followed her through the tangled hallways of college, the long, dry summers that came before and after, it was a tattoo that meant something, though they were someone else's words.
Every time there was a problem, she thought 'so it goes', and she would find a solution.
Today, 'so it goes' was not enough.
The water was wild today. The waves reared up towards her dangling feet, and licked her skin. Her shoes were by her side, the impractical heels spiked into the weakened, salty wood, and her body ached, her heart ached, to just throw them into the water and fling herself after them. So it goes.
So it goes.
Nothing changed, not a shifting of emotion, even the smallest little shift, not a parting in the clouds, which were piled on top of one another and turned the world black and dark and shadowy. Nobody was on the boardwalk today - the storm must have kept them all inside.
There was nothing to fear.
It was so easy to be brave about the material things.
She knew that She was there before the woman sat down by her. The wind changed, slightly; howled in a different way, and the tendrils of her perfume reached out like hooks, dragging itself against nerves like nails. It was impossible not to look back; it was equally impossible to look at Her and not cry.
She knew, too.
It was in Her eyes, and her mouth remained firm and strong, and her hands were in knots on her lap.
"I can't see you anymore."
Mentally, the phrase sounded a lot easier, and now it sounded like tearing skin and panic, like that hollowed-out echo in a marble hallway, reflecting off the ghosts of real voices, real emotions. Whenever worry struck, the human voice always did recede to a shadow of what it was capable of.
Her once-girlfriend stared ahead at the horizon, like She hadn't heard a word, and the knotted hands loosened.
So it goes.
"It's-It's just not as easy as, as being with you," bumbling, she pulled her fingers through her hair, though what she really wanted was to rip it out, and focused on the blue, blue water below. "I can't do it."
"Right."
"I'm sorry."
The shifting of Her body indicated movement, but otherwise, She was statue-like, staring outwards.
"In a week--" She said, in that flat, dummy voice, "you're going to call me up again and say 'I've changed, I've made a mistake, take me back'. And I'm going to take you back, because I love you, and I know you're what I want, because I don't try to hide what makes me happy just because of family, or work, or whatever patriotic reason you've got in your head. I hate that you keep playing with my heart, and I hate that I keep taking you back. I wish I couldn't."
The words streak by like birds, and she understood only half of them, and the rest were blocked out by the waves - the gist was clear: you are a bad person. Maybe that's not what She had meant, but that's what she understood. So it goes.
It wasn't just as simple as admitting 'I'm gay'. It never was as simple as one step. There were always more things that came from it, rippling outwards, until the option was to fight it or to sink. This time, she'd sink.
She had promised to pull her out of the water, but she wondered how long that promise would keep repeating, and which one of them would drown first.
Inacceptence of one's self was a trying, problematic, painful situation, but so was being in love with someone like that.
Her once-girlfriend left after that, and it was like she'd never been there at all, except now she put her head in her hands and sobbed quietly, hidden here at the edge of the boardwalk, with the waves getting uglier by the minute.
So it goes.
It still didn't work.