Friday Prompt Rewrite, help!
Cozumel lay in white drifts, painted against deep blue waves, practically glowing beneath the moon. His arm slipped down, hugging the curve of her hips. Freckled skin seemed to retain the warmth of the day as if it were a sundress or a still room. She smelled like light, her hair sweet with it. His hand slid over hers against the railing, fingers interlocking. She was the goddess Ix Chel and he was her lover, the jealous sun. The world was her morning star. He believed she had an affair, but she never did. Only a fascination. In the end his temper left him alone; she disappeared among the darkness of her sacred island. He saw her slipping through the trees like a ghost.
"How long should we stay?" She seemed to ponder her own question, thoughtfully watching the dark water.
"Until we become restless." Forever. Their voices were softened by the wind, the lull of the waves against the yacht's hull. He was remembering her silhouette beneath colored lanterns and falling leaves, the fairy goddess Áine dancing in the woods.
She turned and pressed her body against his length, pressed him with her gaze. "Then where will we go?" She was almost desperately vulnerable, he could do nothing but wrap his arms around her.
"Where do you want to go, Kamili? The world is yours." He pressed his mouth against her ear, whispered against her neck.
"Wherever you are, then. Anywhere at all, everywhere.” That edge was there again, threatening to disrupt the placid surface like a toe testing temperature before diving in. “I don't want to stop, Andrew. Not ever."
She had seen so much tragedy, lost so much.
So we won't, beautiful girl, he thought, running his fingers down her hair.
Her brow smoothed and she brightened, looked up at him. "Japan."
The smile that drew along his jaw said everything. He pressed his mouth to hers. You will become Izanami then, and we won't ever stop.
They never did.
I am wondering if this incorporates the goddess mythology a little better, or if I spelled it out too much. I have read this thing so much that I don't even make sense of the words anymore, hahah.
Also, is the last line just floating out there for no good reason, does it suck, is it good, should I elaborate further? Thanks in advance for your help!
I am not sure if it works, any help would be appreciated. =)