(no subject)
I am mad at the world today.
The car is hot, my uniform is making me sweat so that my legs stick to my pants and my hair to my neck and I am agitated. I am driving too fast. Traffic has just slowed to it's inevitable crawl, a rolling stream of tail lights and heat waves posing as a freeway. There are commercials on every station. My fingers can't grip the wheel any tighter, this dam can't be held any longer. Five dollars. Five fucking dollars today. I spent more on gas to get to work than I made.
I take a deep breath and picture their faces. She ran me and he ignored me and they walked on their check. I was left to pick up the tab and with it a lecture on how next time it's my ass. I see meaty fingers drop change on the table and I hit the brakes. If I have to stop for one more light I might cry.
I look up and read:
Let's leave God out of this. Anything helps.
Rough hands and dirty face shrouded in beard don't disguise the fact that I, in my selfishness, have no concept of your life. The flood is released and I am weeping, shaking, mad at myself. As if five dollars could redeem me, I roll the window down. I hand you the bill and you smile and thank me. You say, "You are beautiful, child", and I wonder if you are referring to my tears. I drive away too ashamed to say anything for fear I may tell you, a perfect stranger, the truth.