I'm surprised you make so many claims for love without backing them up (it's been awhile since I wrote any academic essays but aren't you supposed to do that?)
ie. "Love has provoked nations to rage war against one another. Love has caused individuals to end their lives together, as opposed to living them in secrecy, only being together in the darkest of hours in secret meeting places. Love can create a surreal sense of happiness, or a giant wave of depression, depending on the circumstances in question. Love is most unexplainable because it can arouse many different emotions from people. Particular events, songs, stories, and people can cause someone to feel love in many different forms. Happiness, sadness, passion, excitement, and contentment are all side effects of the unpredictable illness referred to as love. The emotions that accompany love have inspired writers, painters, and composers all throughout history. Without love there would be no art. "
That's a lot of big claims. Where are the actual arguments, because I'm not convinced :P
To the author: this is a short essay. You need to focus it in a serious way. Pick one zone in which love operates, and develop it. Humanity's love for animals. Romantic love in retirement homes. Love of nation in art. Something tight.
And, as copperbird says, back up everything you say. Proposition, evidence, conclusion. Right now you are just making claim after claim after claim, and a sequence of assertions do not amount to an essay.
ie.
"Love has provoked nations to rage war against one another. Love has caused individuals to end their lives together, as opposed to living them in secrecy, only being together in the darkest of hours in secret meeting places. Love can create a surreal sense of happiness, or a giant wave of depression, depending on the circumstances in question. Love is most unexplainable because it can arouse many different emotions from people. Particular events, songs, stories, and people can cause someone to feel love in many different forms. Happiness, sadness, passion, excitement, and contentment are all side effects of the unpredictable illness referred to as love. The emotions that accompany love have inspired writers, painters, and composers all throughout history. Without love there would be no art. "
That's a lot of big claims. Where are the actual arguments, because I'm not convinced :P
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To the author: this is a short essay. You need to focus it in a serious way. Pick one zone in which love operates, and develop it. Humanity's love for animals. Romantic love in retirement homes. Love of nation in art. Something tight.
And, as copperbird says, back up everything you say. Proposition, evidence, conclusion. Right now you are just making claim after claim after claim, and a sequence of assertions do not amount to an essay.
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*happy dance*
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Now I feel inspired to engage in some extra pointless hairsplitting!!
(You probably want to say inexplicable, not unexplainable. Check a dictionary for why.)
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97 words on why and how not
¡go!
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