Monday Word prompt response for Arachnid

[nickherdt]

I've just done a quick sketchy thing here, but hopefully it's alright. The paragraphs switch between a modern and an older setting, I'm not sure if it's too ADD or not. XD There's definitely more to this, but I wanted to keep the weird on the modern down to a minimum if possible, so, eh. Thoughts, boos, yays?

Back and forth the shuttle scuttered,

Comments

[nyarhotep]

first, methinks, unless you're making a back-handed comment about cultural assimilation and evolution, you'd be better served using Athena instead of Minerva. sure, the Romans ensnared Athena for roughly the same purpose, but Ovid attributes Athena with the story of Arachne, not Minerva. small point, really. the bigger issue is the underlying intent of the myth, that of highlighting Hubris. i can see, around the edges, where you're touching on this ("Bro, I cast my web on the Web, don't you get it?" She said one time, flicking her black braid back over her shoulder as she rolled her eyes at me"), but methinks if you invoke Arachne so substantially, you have to ramp up your insight into the original myth. i like where you're going with the unjust wrath of the gods (as opposed to Ovid's original intent in showing human vanity), but it doesn't seem to have marinaded long enough

which leads into my second thought, dump the old-world. your strongest ideas and images come from the modern retelling, your reacquisition of the myth, ¿why even bother with the old, well-worn story? you strongly indicate in the second paragraph (your first "modern" paragraph) that you're riffing on the Arachne myth, there's no need to actually retell it. i understand the attraction in showing the connection across generations and ley-lines, but the audience already knows the original story - we're hungry for your take on it. explore the weird, explode it. at this stage (the early drafts) don't worry about losing your audience. we'll catch up in later versions