Opon an Arc of White

[mm511]

So, this story's triggered from the Monday Word-of-the-Week. I don't know how I feel about it, partly because the story I had envisioned when I first got this idea and the one you are about to read are two wildly different things and partly because I just don't know how well I do with tragedy. I've taken some liberties with Arachne's myth, but then

Comments

[lemurstew]

I think I like the lack of dialogue, it lets me feel the same disconnect with this piece that the childless woman probably feels with the village women around her.

Other than that I find, especially in the first graph, that your sentences run on far too long.

She has not moved from the chair in the main room of her house, and though she refuses to sit at her loom, has refused to sit at her loom for two days, her hands move slightly, unconsciously, almost imperceptibly, tossing a bobbin through the warp, lifting the heddle rod, weighting a warp thread.

That's just and example, but I think one of the best. I spent a lot of my time inserting my own periods and semicolons to break it up the reading.

Other than that, just a couple points. You mention the weather in the first graph, I think you should pull that connection through the story. It sets the mood well, and would expand what's a little squished together right now.

The last two large chunks also start with 'days.' I would argue the second is uneeded, as we already know that much time is passed.

This is awesome as a modern legend though. If you want it really modern, maybe make her an artist in a city? (tapestry weaving being a rarer art these days)