a little help with genre

[journeys__end]

I am a poet. I do not have the particular endurance to write much prose, especially not stories or novels. However, I volunteered myself to take a Creative Nonfiction course this semester in hopes to expand my horizons. This is one of the pieces I put in my final portfolio for the class.

No Day But Today

As we travel to New York, we do

Comments

[printers_devil]

Hi!
Great story-- the only comments i have about revision are about working more closely with language and taking advantage of some of the same devices you can employ in poetry like symbolism, repetition, parallelism, imagery, etc.

In the first paragraph you might try changing syntax to avoid a kind of repetitive [in a bad way] feel of subject/verb, subject/verb construction where you have:
we travel
we do
I sit
Matt drives
Ron sits etc.

Try tightening up the prose a bit also, here's an example of changing a few constructions and dumping some words:
On the way to the city, we discuss everything under the sun except the upcoming show. It is the elephant in the car with us. Sitting in the front seat, I am mute, afraid of letting my nerves out of the carefully constructed cage in my stomach. Driving and fiddling with his iPod which is connected to the car stereo, Matt switches songs in response to my facial expressions [here, you should give an example of a facial expression and the kid of music you hear and also the switch]-- Ron sits in the back, watching movies on his laptop. He’s playing Casablanca, listening through large headphones that cover his ears, speaking the dialogue at random intervals. [what is the effect of this? Sounds like it could be hysterical to hear random interjections from Ron while you are talking or listening to Matt?] Matt talks music with Ron, whose answers come spaced out in between lulls in the movie. They are both indie rock elitists. [ i know the answers and conversation come in the lulls in the movie, but i am still not quite buying that he has headphones on and you are all listening to music in the front seat and he can carry on a conversation..]I stare out the window and insert an answer here or there to this conversation between two people who know each other far too well. [I wonder why this detail? Why is it important? Is it good or bad?] Every few seconds I have to convince myself that I am finally going to see Rent on Broadway, after a four-year obsession.

people seem to like the background intrusion about the history of the show, but it reminds me of the Bret Easton Ellis American Psycho narrative technique which doesn't quite jive with the tone in this piece? I miss your narrative voice in that section-- I was just getting to know you and thenn BLAM a history of Rent... great pacing and build up the the end. Overall, i think it could use some more Show don't tell kind of revision-- use some imagery and creative language. Very nice piece!