[Chatlog] Diego and Phoenix: My Story Trumps Yours
((Happened after Ron's latest entry, a few minutes before Deigo's latest entry.))
Wright: Hey Armando
CoffeeKamen: Hey Wright. What's going on?
Wright: Nothing much. I just wanted to apologise for what went on there in Ron's journal. It got a little out of hand, didn't it?
CoffeeKamen: What
CoffeeKamen: Look, Wright
CoffeeKamen: You went through that whole thing without losing your facade one time
CoffeeKamen: I understood; don't worry about it
CoffeeKamen: Though, yes, I will never make a sex joke aobut Iris again
Wright: It's alright. I'd rather not keep up some sort of mask in front of my friends, though. And it is getting a little hard to tell when I'm doing it lately.
CoffeeKamen: Well, that means it's probably at about the level you need it to be
CoffeeKamen: You're becoming a lot better at living the lie, as it were
Wright: Thanks... I think.
CoffeeKamen: No worries.
Wright: So I got a story you might be interested in.
CoffeeKamen: You know, it's funny, so do I. I was just about to IM you about it. I managed not to throw up
Wright: That bad a tale, huh? Normally I'd bet on mine being more interesting, but...
CoffeeKamen: You would not be well off betting, in this case
Wright: Well, I've got nothing to lose here. Showdown-- you first, or me?
CoffeeKamen: You go right ahead there amigo
Wright: Well, I swung by the prison yesterday afternoon. Apparently, they've tightened up on security.
Wright: I was only able to meet with Engarde in a plain glass-divided visitation room and not at his cell, which was what I was planning on doing.
CoffeeKamen: What in the Hell did you want to talk to him for?
Wright: Well, to piss him off, I guess. He kind of returned to Bloodspill on too high a personal note for my tastes.
CoffeeKamen: Ha!
Wright: Glad you agree. Anyway...
Wright: He was his usual 'clueless' self. When I mentioned the attempted murder and sexual battery he asked who had done it. Stayed refreshingly calm till I brought up de Killer.
Wright: The new guy they've got working the metal detectors actually kind of looks like him, actually. Let's hope he does go on patrol soon.
CoffeeKamen: Really now
Wright: Yep. Anyway, I had him convinced enough he didn't sound like he believed himself when he called my bluff. Which was nice enough, but... I think I kind of wasted it.
Wright: I went on that tangent on a whim--he more or less forgot it when I told him I was there to pick up his cat.
CoffeeKamen: Engarde had a cat?
Wright: Yeah--the only thing he really cares about, I think. I'm surprised he hadn't talked to you about it when you were in prison. Though I guess... you weren't the best of friends?
CoffeeKamen: I broke a few of his fingers once
CoffeeKamen: I remember him talking about the damn cat now
CoffeeKamen: Why were you picking it up?
Wright: Because it's Adrian's, now. And because of how it'd hurt him.
CoffeeKamen: Wait
CoffeeKamen: Shoe?
CoffeeKamen: The cat's name was Shoe wasn't it
Wright: Yes, Shoe.
CoffeeKamen: How the Hell did you think to find that damn cat
CoffeeKamen: How did HE find the damn cat
Wright: Well... I guess he picked it up at the apartment when he assaulted her? I was just trying to picture the scene of the crime when I went to talk to Adrian, a few weeks ago-- placing everyone in my head. Victim. Assailant. ...... Cat.
CoffeeKamen: Wow
CoffeeKamen: I admit you're a better crime scene investigator than I am, then. I was so focused on the act committed - the meat of the thing - that I didn't think to look for the garnish of Adrian's cat.
Wright: I'd gone to see her knowing that something had happened. It didn't make Engarde's actions any less atrocious, but... heh, once she said she was in the hospital, I'd pretty much suspected he had attacked her. Things end up working out neatly like that too often in my experience.
CoffeeKamen: Anyway, go on with the story
Wright: Mm. Well, once I heard that I couldn't head over to his cell directly to pick the thing up, I asked a guard to deliver it to me in the visitation room. When I told him, and the guard handed Shoe over... Engarde went nuts.
Wright: Half the time he was trying to yell out profanities, and the other half was him trying to tell the thing how much 'Papa' loved it.
CoffeeKamen: All right that's kind of bent
Wright: I had it wave bye to him. I... think I may have enjoyed all of that a little too much.
CoffeeKamen: ALl right that's actually kind of great
Wright: Was about to leave, but he yelled out again as I was heading out-- he threatened me as per usual, and I laughed. Then he threatened something or other about Tru, and I... squeezed the cat.
CoffeeKamen: On purpose?
Wright: No, I... feel kind of bad about it, actually. It made this little mewing sound.
Wright: I think *he* thought I did it purposefully... I didn't let him know otherwise.
Wright: It seems to be alright now, but I can't quite tell.
CoffeeKamen: Well, you handled yourself better than I would have
CoffeeKamen: "You realize this cat's legs look about like your fingers, Engarde"
Wright: What would you have-- wait
Wright: ... You wouldn't have ... no, you wouldn't. I think.
CoffeeKamen: What, threaten him or actually break the cat's legs?
Wright: The latter. I've got no doubt you'd do the former.
CoffeeKamen: Ever heard a cat scream?
CoffeeKamen: It's the most horrible sound in the world
CoffeeKamen: Like a woman in the most extreme agony that can be visited on a person
Wright: I've never been around pets much-- ugh
Wright: ...That doesn't answer my question
CoffeeKamen: No I would not have hurt the damn cat
CoffeeKamen: I would have had to give it Adrian twenty minutes later
Wright: Well, of course. But you get a little lost in the moment sometimes.
CoffeeKamen: Oh I would have told him, sure
CoffeeKamen: "If you threaten my daughter again I'm going to tear this thing's head off right in front of you" and so forth
CoffeeKamen: You know how I do
Wright: Yeah. And far more effective that you make the threat and hold on following it through so you have some sort of leverage-- ..... I don't think I like being aware of this.
CoffeeKamen: It's important to think both ways, especially if you've been through a hostage situation
Wright: I don't think I've ever put that much thought into it, up till recently.
Wright: Anyway.
Wright: Took the cat, walked out, returned it back to Adrian.
CoffeeKamen: She glad to have her pet back?
Wright: Very much so. I'd say that was the main reason I went to get it in the first place, but...
Wright: It wasn't
CoffeeKamen: Felt that meanness, spreading from your liver and up to your heart, did you?
Wright: Yeah...
CoffeeKamen: Don't worry about it
CoffeeKamen: I would have found a way to have him killed
CoffeeKamen: Ah ha ha ha ha
Wright: Well... I'm not quite there yet. And don't ever intend to be. Ron really cleared my head up a bit today.
Wright: The whole mess post-earthquake really got me into a certain mindset I need to pull myself out of.
CoffeeKamen: You'll do a lot of hings that would surprise you in order to exact justice - I bet you never thought you'd steal evidence from a crime scene when you first got your badge, either
Wright: Oh no, I had no illusions about that
CoffeeKamen: Oh
CoffeeKamen: Wlel nevermind
CoffeeKamen: Anyway
CoffeeKamen: My turn
Wright: Yes, do go ahead
CoffeeKamen: So you saw my advice column, and that I mentioned special massage rates at the bottom of it?
Wright: Hooboy
Wright: Yes. You got an interesting client?
CoffeeKamen: I was hired by Klavier Gavin
CoffeeKamen: To "service" his brother
CoffeeKamen: You still there?
CoffeeKamen: You uh
CoffeeKamen: You having some problems there, Trite?
Wright: lauhin g too hard hold ongt
CoffeeKamen: Son have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Wright: ahahahaahahah
Wright: oh
Wright: please
Wright: keep on going
Wright: don't keep me waiting on this
CoffeeKamen: All right so I go over to his place
CoffeeKamen: And I talk to him, he's surprised; seems as if his brother never bothered to let him know I was coming.
Wright: Seems just like what the diva would do, yes
CoffeeKamen: I manage to talk my way into doing what I was hired to do but it takes some real doing; I play with his dog (who's a sweet thing)
Wright: That dog HATES me
CoffeeKamen: Dogs read subconscious signals from their owners. Better bet is that Gavin hates you and the dog is just reacting to that
Wright: Well, I figured as much.
Wright: Anyway, please continue
CoffeeKamen: So the first thing I do is rub his feet - I need you to understand this guy likes his feet more than I like caffeine. The rougher I got the harder he pressed. He liked playing ROUGH.
CoffeeKamen: And I'm pretty sure he had wood
Wright: What, you give that good a footrub?
CoffeeKamen: Yes.
CoffeeKamen: Anyway
CoffeeKamen: So we get to the backrub, he's enjoying himself, and I discover exactly how gay Kristoph Gavin is, which is to say "very".
Wright: Well, uh. That solves one of my questions about him, I guess. Though... I wasn't really wondering.
Wright: That must have been... fun.
CoffeeKamen: Listen to me
Wright: Wait
CoffeeKamen: What
Wright: Did he try to
Wright: do anything?
CoffeeKamen: Just listen to the story
Wright: Alright, alright
CoffeeKamen: So when I get down to his thighs he asks me if I've ever considered "broadening my horizons"
Wright: In terms of...
CoffeeKamen: Having sex with men, I should think
Wright: ...Hunh
CoffeeKamen: And we kind of go back and forth on that for a while and it doesn't really go anywhere, but when the time comes I ask him if he wants me to work his front - I mean his stomach and chest but he's pretty quick to think "happy ending"
Wright: ...Actually, I *can* picture his brother setting something like that up for him
CoffeeKamen: And this is the best part if you're anyone besides me: when he gave me a tip, it's in clean, hard cash
CoffeeKamen: Which he put in my pocket with his own hand
CoffeeKamen: Which was in my pocket
Wright: Did he... no, don't tell me
Wright: I spend a little too much time thinking about the guy
Wright: I don't want it to be in this way
CoffeeKamen: No he did not try to grab hold of the serpent within
CoffeeKamen: But he draws his hand back and pats me on the chest when he tells me goodbye
Wright: So.. how did you react to all of this?
CoffeeKamen: What COULD I do?
CoffeeKamen: I slapped him on the ass and walked out
Wright: ....... You what
Wright: look
Wright: on the list of options
Wright: if you were provided a list of THREE options
Wright: that one would be the JOKE one
CoffeeKamen: No
CoffeeKamen: The joke one would be to pat him on the crotch
Wright: alright, granted
CoffeeKamen: This way at least I left it somewhat ambiguous
CoffeeKamen: But long story short I think he likes me a LOT more now
Wright: ...WHY did you-- oh
Wright: ... I've still got a lot to learn
CoffeeKamen: And he's a really generous tipper
CoffeeKamen: ...Incidentally.
Wright: ... How much?
CoffeeKamen: God, I feel dirty
Wright: You should, Armando
CoffeeKamen: Enough to make me feel reeeeally dirty
CoffeeKamen: Look, ever stood next to a guy and just known that he had wood?
Wright: Uh... I try not to think too much about it at any given time?
CoffeeKamen: Look the guy was wearing nothing but a bathrobe
CoffeeKamen: I was just glad to get the Hell out of there before he asked for cream in his coffee
CoffeeKamen: I showered for forty-five minutes when I got back
Wright: What does this... maybe I'm putting too much thought into this
CoffeeKamen: What does what what
Wright: What does this say about him and me?!
CoffeeKamen: Trite, listen
CoffeeKamen: I know you think you have a really sweet ass and so on
CoffeeKamen: But not everything is about you and people who have homosexual urges for you
CoffeeKamen: He's not your Iago
Wright: He was totally coming on to me then!
Wright: ... I think
Wright: or did he just want me to think that..
CoffeeKamen: Well yeah probably
Wright: ugh
Wright: I'm putting too mcuh thought into this
Wright: it doesn't change anything
CoffeeKamen: Do I win
Wright: Yes, yes you won.
Wright: Good thing this isn't poker or you'd have broken my streak
CoffeeKamen: Does the image of Kristoph Gavin shoving his hand, fist clenched with dollar bills, down the front of my pants, trump you and a cat?
Wright: Yes
Wright: I ... think I have a lot more to learn about composure
Wright: though you'll pardon me if I never go THAT far
CoffeeKamen: You're definitely getting better
CoffeeKamen: I pray you never have to be as good as me
Wright: ... I hope so too
CoffeeKamen: Because I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm gay, now
CoffeeKamen: And that's gonna be weird
Wright: So
Wright: How are you going to use that?
CoffeeKamen: I like your utilitarian view on the subject
CoffeeKamen: But truth be told? All I got out of this was a potential repeat customer
Wright: Don't tell me you'd do it again
CoffeeKamen: Sure, I'd do it again, if it didn't go any farther than it did this time
Wright: ass slapping and all?
CoffeeKamen: I'm not sure how to respond to that
Wright: That's... alright. Sometimes I ask things without thinking them through
Wright: Sorry
CoffeeKamen: I think at some point
CoffeeKamen: I'd just choke the Hell out of him and throw him in the river
Wright: Hey
Wright: Not till I'm done with him.
CoffeeKamen: Hahaha
CoffeeKamen: You're getting it better, now
CoffeeKamen: Though, next time? Try to make it sound less like you're letting me kill a prostitute
Wright: I really mean it, though. Don't I? ...... wait, what
CoffeeKamen: Just messing with you
Wright: I really, really need to step back from this
CoffeeKamen: Yes, if there's any way I can use this to help you, let me know and I'll do it
CoffeeKamen: I'll bite that bullet for you
CoffeeKamen: Though I won't take that bullet for you
Wright: ...Thanks. No, I wouldn't ask it of you. ...Nor can I think of any conceivable way it can be used, unless he starts talking uncontrollably when you start touching him
CoffeeKamen: Well, you never know. Angel did.
Wright: ... You did that for her too?
Wright: Right, someone mentioned it...
Wright: Hey, Armando
CoffeeKamen: Yeah?
Wright: I think that all of this has put one thing into very clear perspective
CoffeeKamen: What's that?
Wright: You're not allowed to provide my girlfriend your services
CoffeeKamen: Ah ha ha ha ha
CoffeeKamen: I owe her and Bikini a coupon apiece, anyway
Wright: Yeah, be a dear and give them both to Bikini. Her aching hip and all that
CoffeeKamen: Iris will probably give hers to Bikini in either case
CoffeeKamen:Regardless, I could never provide the same kind of "service" to Iris. It would be weird.
CoffeeKamen: On a related note, I have another story that's probably more interesting, but I'll make a journal entry out of it
Wright: Oh? Another date?
CoffeeKamen: You bet.
Wright: And it's *more* interesting, huh. Well, two bad ones aren't all that unusual, I guess...
CoffeeKamen: Look
Wright: Third time's a charm?
CoffeeKamen: I was, up to this point, merely convinced that God had a sense of humor
CoffeeKamen: I am now convinced He has a sense of vicious irony
Wright: I've definitely gotten that feeling before.
Wright: Give it another one or two shots? If it gets progressively worse...
CoffeeKamen: I don't think it realistically can, truth be told
CoffeeKamen: I still have a pretty decent head from all the beer, but I'm at least alert after all this coffee
Wright: Yeah, I'm staying up for this entry.
CoffeeKamen: It'll be up in another five minutes
CoffeeKamen: So I sat down and gave the talk to Pearl about a week ago
Wright: The talk?
Wright: Oh.
Wright: ...Oh.
CoffeeKamen: Can you believe it? Eleven years old and she didn't know the first thing about sex. I would slap her mother senseless if I had the chance
Wright: I think I've got to have this talk soon. Trucy doesn't know a thing about it either.... I think.
CoffeeKamen: You think?
Wright: Well, I've never brought it up with her! Though... no, wait... She has the usual conceptions a kid her age does... I think.
CoffeeKamen: What would those be, exactly?
Wright: Things like... babies coming from mommies. That's... it. I think.
CoffeeKamen: Well
CoffeeKamen: At least she knows that boys pee standing up
CoffeeKamen: Yo're one step ahead of where I was
Wright: ...Yes, thanks.
CoffeeKamen: I figured she would have at least asked Maya. ...Come to think, I wonder if Morgan ever gave that talk to her, either. Or if Mia did.
Wright: It never really came up when I was around her. Uh... you may want to check up on that. Though... that's got to be awkward.
CoffeeKamen: ...Christ I don't know if I could do that
Wright: I'd offer to help, but uh... I don't think I could either
CoffeeKamen: ....I may get Pearl to channel Mia
Wright: You know, there ARE times where spirit channeling REALL-- yes
CoffeeKamen: Yes indeed
Wright: ....You think I could get her to talk to Tru too?
CoffeeKamen: No
Wright: Why not?
CoffeeKamen: Firstly, Trucy has no idea who Mia is. She'd be getting the talk from a stranger
CoffeeKamen: Secondly, the whole channeling process might distract her so much she'd have no idea what she's hearing
CoffeeKamen: Thirdly, and most importantly: I had to do it and so do you.
Wright: ...Okay, okay
Wright: ....Any tips?
CoffeeKamen: Find a book. A book meant to teach children about sex would probably be best but I made due with an anatomy book and a lot of explanation. The hardest part is going to be explaining sex as a component of healthy relationships - that it feels good and that people want to do it because of that - so be prepared.
Wright: Well.. alright. I'll let you know how it goes. You can laugh.
CoffeeKamen: I don't think I will. Entry's up, now
Wright: Alright, heading over.
Wright: Hey Armando
CoffeeKamen: Hey Wright. What's going on?
Wright: Nothing much. I just wanted to apologise for what went on there in Ron's journal. It got a little out of hand, didn't it?
CoffeeKamen: What
CoffeeKamen: Look, Wright
CoffeeKamen: You went through that whole thing without losing your facade one time
CoffeeKamen: I understood; don't worry about it
CoffeeKamen: Though, yes, I will never make a sex joke aobut Iris again
Wright: It's alright. I'd rather not keep up some sort of mask in front of my friends, though. And it is getting a little hard to tell when I'm doing it lately.
CoffeeKamen: Well, that means it's probably at about the level you need it to be
CoffeeKamen: You're becoming a lot better at living the lie, as it were
Wright: Thanks... I think.
CoffeeKamen: No worries.
Wright: So I got a story you might be interested in.
CoffeeKamen: You know, it's funny, so do I. I was just about to IM you about it. I managed not to throw up
Wright: That bad a tale, huh? Normally I'd bet on mine being more interesting, but...
CoffeeKamen: You would not be well off betting, in this case
Wright: Well, I've got nothing to lose here. Showdown-- you first, or me?
CoffeeKamen: You go right ahead there amigo
Wright: Well, I swung by the prison yesterday afternoon. Apparently, they've tightened up on security.
Wright: I was only able to meet with Engarde in a plain glass-divided visitation room and not at his cell, which was what I was planning on doing.
CoffeeKamen: What in the Hell did you want to talk to him for?
Wright: Well, to piss him off, I guess. He kind of returned to Bloodspill on too high a personal note for my tastes.
CoffeeKamen: Ha!
Wright: Glad you agree. Anyway...
Wright: He was his usual 'clueless' self. When I mentioned the attempted murder and sexual battery he asked who had done it. Stayed refreshingly calm till I brought up de Killer.
Wright: The new guy they've got working the metal detectors actually kind of looks like him, actually. Let's hope he does go on patrol soon.
CoffeeKamen: Really now
Wright: Yep. Anyway, I had him convinced enough he didn't sound like he believed himself when he called my bluff. Which was nice enough, but... I think I kind of wasted it.
Wright: I went on that tangent on a whim--he more or less forgot it when I told him I was there to pick up his cat.
CoffeeKamen: Engarde had a cat?
Wright: Yeah--the only thing he really cares about, I think. I'm surprised he hadn't talked to you about it when you were in prison. Though I guess... you weren't the best of friends?
CoffeeKamen: I broke a few of his fingers once
CoffeeKamen: I remember him talking about the damn cat now
CoffeeKamen: Why were you picking it up?
Wright: Because it's Adrian's, now. And because of how it'd hurt him.
CoffeeKamen: Wait
CoffeeKamen: Shoe?
CoffeeKamen: The cat's name was Shoe wasn't it
Wright: Yes, Shoe.
CoffeeKamen: How the Hell did you think to find that damn cat
CoffeeKamen: How did HE find the damn cat
Wright: Well... I guess he picked it up at the apartment when he assaulted her? I was just trying to picture the scene of the crime when I went to talk to Adrian, a few weeks ago-- placing everyone in my head. Victim. Assailant. ...... Cat.
CoffeeKamen: Wow
CoffeeKamen: I admit you're a better crime scene investigator than I am, then. I was so focused on the act committed - the meat of the thing - that I didn't think to look for the garnish of Adrian's cat.
Wright: I'd gone to see her knowing that something had happened. It didn't make Engarde's actions any less atrocious, but... heh, once she said she was in the hospital, I'd pretty much suspected he had attacked her. Things end up working out neatly like that too often in my experience.
CoffeeKamen: Anyway, go on with the story
Wright: Mm. Well, once I heard that I couldn't head over to his cell directly to pick the thing up, I asked a guard to deliver it to me in the visitation room. When I told him, and the guard handed Shoe over... Engarde went nuts.
Wright: Half the time he was trying to yell out profanities, and the other half was him trying to tell the thing how much 'Papa' loved it.
CoffeeKamen: All right that's kind of bent
Wright: I had it wave bye to him. I... think I may have enjoyed all of that a little too much.
CoffeeKamen: ALl right that's actually kind of great
Wright: Was about to leave, but he yelled out again as I was heading out-- he threatened me as per usual, and I laughed. Then he threatened something or other about Tru, and I... squeezed the cat.
CoffeeKamen: On purpose?
Wright: No, I... feel kind of bad about it, actually. It made this little mewing sound.
Wright: I think *he* thought I did it purposefully... I didn't let him know otherwise.
Wright: It seems to be alright now, but I can't quite tell.
CoffeeKamen: Well, you handled yourself better than I would have
CoffeeKamen: "You realize this cat's legs look about like your fingers, Engarde"
Wright: What would you have-- wait
Wright: ... You wouldn't have ... no, you wouldn't. I think.
CoffeeKamen: What, threaten him or actually break the cat's legs?
Wright: The latter. I've got no doubt you'd do the former.
CoffeeKamen: Ever heard a cat scream?
CoffeeKamen: It's the most horrible sound in the world
CoffeeKamen: Like a woman in the most extreme agony that can be visited on a person
Wright: I've never been around pets much-- ugh
Wright: ...That doesn't answer my question
CoffeeKamen: No I would not have hurt the damn cat
CoffeeKamen: I would have had to give it Adrian twenty minutes later
Wright: Well, of course. But you get a little lost in the moment sometimes.
CoffeeKamen: Oh I would have told him, sure
CoffeeKamen: "If you threaten my daughter again I'm going to tear this thing's head off right in front of you" and so forth
CoffeeKamen: You know how I do
Wright: Yeah. And far more effective that you make the threat and hold on following it through so you have some sort of leverage-- ..... I don't think I like being aware of this.
CoffeeKamen: It's important to think both ways, especially if you've been through a hostage situation
Wright: I don't think I've ever put that much thought into it, up till recently.
Wright: Anyway.
Wright: Took the cat, walked out, returned it back to Adrian.
CoffeeKamen: She glad to have her pet back?
Wright: Very much so. I'd say that was the main reason I went to get it in the first place, but...
Wright: It wasn't
CoffeeKamen: Felt that meanness, spreading from your liver and up to your heart, did you?
Wright: Yeah...
CoffeeKamen: Don't worry about it
CoffeeKamen: I would have found a way to have him killed
CoffeeKamen: Ah ha ha ha ha
Wright: Well... I'm not quite there yet. And don't ever intend to be. Ron really cleared my head up a bit today.
Wright: The whole mess post-earthquake really got me into a certain mindset I need to pull myself out of.
CoffeeKamen: You'll do a lot of hings that would surprise you in order to exact justice - I bet you never thought you'd steal evidence from a crime scene when you first got your badge, either
Wright: Oh no, I had no illusions about that
CoffeeKamen: Oh
CoffeeKamen: Wlel nevermind
CoffeeKamen: Anyway
CoffeeKamen: My turn
Wright: Yes, do go ahead
CoffeeKamen: So you saw my advice column, and that I mentioned special massage rates at the bottom of it?
Wright: Hooboy
Wright: Yes. You got an interesting client?
CoffeeKamen: I was hired by Klavier Gavin
CoffeeKamen: To "service" his brother
CoffeeKamen: You still there?
CoffeeKamen: You uh
CoffeeKamen: You having some problems there, Trite?
Wright: lauhin g too hard hold ongt
CoffeeKamen: Son have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Wright: ahahahaahahah
Wright: oh
Wright: please
Wright: keep on going
Wright: don't keep me waiting on this
CoffeeKamen: All right so I go over to his place
CoffeeKamen: And I talk to him, he's surprised; seems as if his brother never bothered to let him know I was coming.
Wright: Seems just like what the diva would do, yes
CoffeeKamen: I manage to talk my way into doing what I was hired to do but it takes some real doing; I play with his dog (who's a sweet thing)
Wright: That dog HATES me
CoffeeKamen: Dogs read subconscious signals from their owners. Better bet is that Gavin hates you and the dog is just reacting to that
Wright: Well, I figured as much.
Wright: Anyway, please continue
CoffeeKamen: So the first thing I do is rub his feet - I need you to understand this guy likes his feet more than I like caffeine. The rougher I got the harder he pressed. He liked playing ROUGH.
CoffeeKamen: And I'm pretty sure he had wood
Wright: What, you give that good a footrub?
CoffeeKamen: Yes.
CoffeeKamen: Anyway
CoffeeKamen: So we get to the backrub, he's enjoying himself, and I discover exactly how gay Kristoph Gavin is, which is to say "very".
Wright: Well, uh. That solves one of my questions about him, I guess. Though... I wasn't really wondering.
Wright: That must have been... fun.
CoffeeKamen: Listen to me
Wright: Wait
CoffeeKamen: What
Wright: Did he try to
Wright: do anything?
CoffeeKamen: Just listen to the story
Wright: Alright, alright
CoffeeKamen: So when I get down to his thighs he asks me if I've ever considered "broadening my horizons"
Wright: In terms of...
CoffeeKamen: Having sex with men, I should think
Wright: ...Hunh
CoffeeKamen: And we kind of go back and forth on that for a while and it doesn't really go anywhere, but when the time comes I ask him if he wants me to work his front - I mean his stomach and chest but he's pretty quick to think "happy ending"
Wright: ...Actually, I *can* picture his brother setting something like that up for him
CoffeeKamen: And this is the best part if you're anyone besides me: when he gave me a tip, it's in clean, hard cash
CoffeeKamen: Which he put in my pocket with his own hand
CoffeeKamen: Which was in my pocket
Wright: Did he... no, don't tell me
Wright: I spend a little too much time thinking about the guy
Wright: I don't want it to be in this way
CoffeeKamen: No he did not try to grab hold of the serpent within
CoffeeKamen: But he draws his hand back and pats me on the chest when he tells me goodbye
Wright: So.. how did you react to all of this?
CoffeeKamen: What COULD I do?
CoffeeKamen: I slapped him on the ass and walked out
Wright: ....... You what
Wright: look
Wright: on the list of options
Wright: if you were provided a list of THREE options
Wright: that one would be the JOKE one
CoffeeKamen: No
CoffeeKamen: The joke one would be to pat him on the crotch
Wright: alright, granted
CoffeeKamen: This way at least I left it somewhat ambiguous
CoffeeKamen: But long story short I think he likes me a LOT more now
Wright: ...WHY did you-- oh
Wright: ... I've still got a lot to learn
CoffeeKamen: And he's a really generous tipper
CoffeeKamen: ...Incidentally.
Wright: ... How much?
CoffeeKamen: God, I feel dirty
Wright: You should, Armando
CoffeeKamen: Enough to make me feel reeeeally dirty
CoffeeKamen: Look, ever stood next to a guy and just known that he had wood?
Wright: Uh... I try not to think too much about it at any given time?
CoffeeKamen: Look the guy was wearing nothing but a bathrobe
CoffeeKamen: I was just glad to get the Hell out of there before he asked for cream in his coffee
CoffeeKamen: I showered for forty-five minutes when I got back
Wright: What does this... maybe I'm putting too much thought into this
CoffeeKamen: What does what what
Wright: What does this say about him and me?!
CoffeeKamen: Trite, listen
CoffeeKamen: I know you think you have a really sweet ass and so on
CoffeeKamen: But not everything is about you and people who have homosexual urges for you
CoffeeKamen: He's not your Iago
Wright: He was totally coming on to me then!
Wright: ... I think
Wright: or did he just want me to think that..
CoffeeKamen: Well yeah probably
Wright: ugh
Wright: I'm putting too mcuh thought into this
Wright: it doesn't change anything
CoffeeKamen: Do I win
Wright: Yes, yes you won.
Wright: Good thing this isn't poker or you'd have broken my streak
CoffeeKamen: Does the image of Kristoph Gavin shoving his hand, fist clenched with dollar bills, down the front of my pants, trump you and a cat?
Wright: Yes
Wright: I ... think I have a lot more to learn about composure
Wright: though you'll pardon me if I never go THAT far
CoffeeKamen: You're definitely getting better
CoffeeKamen: I pray you never have to be as good as me
Wright: ... I hope so too
CoffeeKamen: Because I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm gay, now
CoffeeKamen: And that's gonna be weird
Wright: So
Wright: How are you going to use that?
CoffeeKamen: I like your utilitarian view on the subject
CoffeeKamen: But truth be told? All I got out of this was a potential repeat customer
Wright: Don't tell me you'd do it again
CoffeeKamen: Sure, I'd do it again, if it didn't go any farther than it did this time
Wright: ass slapping and all?
CoffeeKamen: I'm not sure how to respond to that
Wright: That's... alright. Sometimes I ask things without thinking them through
Wright: Sorry
CoffeeKamen: I think at some point
CoffeeKamen: I'd just choke the Hell out of him and throw him in the river
Wright: Hey
Wright: Not till I'm done with him.
CoffeeKamen: Hahaha
CoffeeKamen: You're getting it better, now
CoffeeKamen: Though, next time? Try to make it sound less like you're letting me kill a prostitute
Wright: I really mean it, though. Don't I? ...... wait, what
CoffeeKamen: Just messing with you
Wright: I really, really need to step back from this
CoffeeKamen: Yes, if there's any way I can use this to help you, let me know and I'll do it
CoffeeKamen: I'll bite that bullet for you
CoffeeKamen: Though I won't take that bullet for you
Wright: ...Thanks. No, I wouldn't ask it of you. ...Nor can I think of any conceivable way it can be used, unless he starts talking uncontrollably when you start touching him
CoffeeKamen: Well, you never know. Angel did.
Wright: ... You did that for her too?
Wright: Right, someone mentioned it...
Wright: Hey, Armando
CoffeeKamen: Yeah?
Wright: I think that all of this has put one thing into very clear perspective
CoffeeKamen: What's that?
Wright: You're not allowed to provide my girlfriend your services
CoffeeKamen: Ah ha ha ha ha
CoffeeKamen: I owe her and Bikini a coupon apiece, anyway
Wright: Yeah, be a dear and give them both to Bikini. Her aching hip and all that
CoffeeKamen: Iris will probably give hers to Bikini in either case
CoffeeKamen:Regardless, I could never provide the same kind of "service" to Iris. It would be weird.
CoffeeKamen: On a related note, I have another story that's probably more interesting, but I'll make a journal entry out of it
Wright: Oh? Another date?
CoffeeKamen: You bet.
Wright: And it's *more* interesting, huh. Well, two bad ones aren't all that unusual, I guess...
CoffeeKamen: Look
Wright: Third time's a charm?
CoffeeKamen: I was, up to this point, merely convinced that God had a sense of humor
CoffeeKamen: I am now convinced He has a sense of vicious irony
Wright: I've definitely gotten that feeling before.
Wright: Give it another one or two shots? If it gets progressively worse...
CoffeeKamen: I don't think it realistically can, truth be told
CoffeeKamen: I still have a pretty decent head from all the beer, but I'm at least alert after all this coffee
Wright: Yeah, I'm staying up for this entry.
CoffeeKamen: It'll be up in another five minutes
CoffeeKamen: So I sat down and gave the talk to Pearl about a week ago
Wright: The talk?
Wright: Oh.
Wright: ...Oh.
CoffeeKamen: Can you believe it? Eleven years old and she didn't know the first thing about sex. I would slap her mother senseless if I had the chance
Wright: I think I've got to have this talk soon. Trucy doesn't know a thing about it either.... I think.
CoffeeKamen: You think?
Wright: Well, I've never brought it up with her! Though... no, wait... She has the usual conceptions a kid her age does... I think.
CoffeeKamen: What would those be, exactly?
Wright: Things like... babies coming from mommies. That's... it. I think.
CoffeeKamen: Well
CoffeeKamen: At least she knows that boys pee standing up
CoffeeKamen: Yo're one step ahead of where I was
Wright: ...Yes, thanks.
CoffeeKamen: I figured she would have at least asked Maya. ...Come to think, I wonder if Morgan ever gave that talk to her, either. Or if Mia did.
Wright: It never really came up when I was around her. Uh... you may want to check up on that. Though... that's got to be awkward.
CoffeeKamen: ...Christ I don't know if I could do that
Wright: I'd offer to help, but uh... I don't think I could either
CoffeeKamen: ....I may get Pearl to channel Mia
Wright: You know, there ARE times where spirit channeling REALL-- yes
CoffeeKamen: Yes indeed
Wright: ....You think I could get her to talk to Tru too?
CoffeeKamen: No
Wright: Why not?
CoffeeKamen: Firstly, Trucy has no idea who Mia is. She'd be getting the talk from a stranger
CoffeeKamen: Secondly, the whole channeling process might distract her so much she'd have no idea what she's hearing
CoffeeKamen: Thirdly, and most importantly: I had to do it and so do you.
Wright: ...Okay, okay
Wright: ....Any tips?
CoffeeKamen: Find a book. A book meant to teach children about sex would probably be best but I made due with an anatomy book and a lot of explanation. The hardest part is going to be explaining sex as a component of healthy relationships - that it feels good and that people want to do it because of that - so be prepared.
Wright: Well.. alright. I'll let you know how it goes. You can laugh.
CoffeeKamen: I don't think I will. Entry's up, now
Wright: Alright, heading over.