Story: "Nonexistent Barrier" - PG-13 - original
Title: Nonexistent Barrier
Author: Guardian Erin
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Original
Summary: Social restraint is something I could do without. Doesn't mean it's something I entirely escape, unfortunately.
Her warm, soft thigh beneath my head. Everything that I crave is beneath me, fidgety and unsure. Inside I am at equilibrium, pulled in so many opposite directions with equal force. Part of me wants to rest here forever with my head against this soft denim bed of mercy. Another part of me wishes that we were alone. Wishes that I had the skills in my eyes and fingertips to show my meaning to her, to implore and put to ease any restless thoughts. If only it weren't necessary, if only she understood the confused flame inside of me, the way that it hurts to want and wonder and wait for so long. I've never done anything of the sort. I wouldn't even be sure how to begin, though I would certainly know a thing or two about what to do. Laying it all out into reality is a different story. People are fidgety and full of life and breath that makes them nervous and sweat and strange desires and unspoken words. All of me is so inexperienced. Even my mind is new to exploring, but growing bolder.
There is nothing to draw off of, no previous success or even failure to improve on. No natural social aptitude, no ability to discern a situation until it's close enough to touch. My fingers slide over the soft firmness of her leg, admiring the feel of the fabric and the warmth radiating from her body into the cooler air. Worn denim, confining but wonderful. All I know of that from experience is that it can be hard to gain any feeling through it. Even the roughest motions are muffled and only gives you a hint of what could happen, and leaves you feeling uncomfortable and wanting to break free.
So many restraints of society to keep me from breaking free. Free of anything at all. The silent, fearful surrendering is suffocating. It's something I didn't understand before, along with so many other things. Some of those things I still don't understand, like what is the importance of war or al dente pasta, and how do electronics truly work? But I understand enough to know that I can't understand a reason to be afraid of the invisible barriers we place in society. Some you have to respect, like the distance between this girl and my fingertips, but even that can melt away if I am brave enough to lift my eyes to her and see if I can see something in her, some spark of curiosity or desire granting me permission. There is no reason why I should not be sociable to people on the streets, even if the norm would be to not even look at them. There is no reason why I should not be able to sing a song of cheer and colors, even on a dreary day, even though the norm demands silence. It's ugly, it's fearful, it's painfully restrained, and it's so unlike me ever since I realized living behind a nonexistent barrier was exactly that.
I don't understand why I still won't break through that fearful wall and see what her eyes are telling me.
Author: Guardian Erin
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Original
Summary: Social restraint is something I could do without. Doesn't mean it's something I entirely escape, unfortunately.
Her warm, soft thigh beneath my head. Everything that I crave is beneath me, fidgety and unsure. Inside I am at equilibrium, pulled in so many opposite directions with equal force. Part of me wants to rest here forever with my head against this soft denim bed of mercy. Another part of me wishes that we were alone. Wishes that I had the skills in my eyes and fingertips to show my meaning to her, to implore and put to ease any restless thoughts. If only it weren't necessary, if only she understood the confused flame inside of me, the way that it hurts to want and wonder and wait for so long. I've never done anything of the sort. I wouldn't even be sure how to begin, though I would certainly know a thing or two about what to do. Laying it all out into reality is a different story. People are fidgety and full of life and breath that makes them nervous and sweat and strange desires and unspoken words. All of me is so inexperienced. Even my mind is new to exploring, but growing bolder.
There is nothing to draw off of, no previous success or even failure to improve on. No natural social aptitude, no ability to discern a situation until it's close enough to touch. My fingers slide over the soft firmness of her leg, admiring the feel of the fabric and the warmth radiating from her body into the cooler air. Worn denim, confining but wonderful. All I know of that from experience is that it can be hard to gain any feeling through it. Even the roughest motions are muffled and only gives you a hint of what could happen, and leaves you feeling uncomfortable and wanting to break free.
So many restraints of society to keep me from breaking free. Free of anything at all. The silent, fearful surrendering is suffocating. It's something I didn't understand before, along with so many other things. Some of those things I still don't understand, like what is the importance of war or al dente pasta, and how do electronics truly work? But I understand enough to know that I can't understand a reason to be afraid of the invisible barriers we place in society. Some you have to respect, like the distance between this girl and my fingertips, but even that can melt away if I am brave enough to lift my eyes to her and see if I can see something in her, some spark of curiosity or desire granting me permission. There is no reason why I should not be sociable to people on the streets, even if the norm would be to not even look at them. There is no reason why I should not be able to sing a song of cheer and colors, even on a dreary day, even though the norm demands silence. It's ugly, it's fearful, it's painfully restrained, and it's so unlike me ever since I realized living behind a nonexistent barrier was exactly that.
I don't understand why I still won't break through that fearful wall and see what her eyes are telling me.