Emo updates!
So, several new things in my life. Not really but figured I'd ramble about something. So recently I've been talking again to my ex from high school. For those of you that don't know, this was my first serious relationship, the first girl I ever had sex with, blah blah. Needless to say, she was someone at one point that I cared deeply about. The reason we ended up separating was that during my senior year of high school, a few weeks after we started dating, she found out she was pregnant. This was a mere two weeks after the first time I had ever had sex. The first time was very impulsive and out of the blue, so of course we were stupid and didn't use protection, but we thought we had taken care of the issue to where this wouldn't be a problem. During the course of finding out she was pregnant and whatnot, it came out she had cheated on me with her ex (and come to find out after he and I both took paternity tests, she had cheated on me with someone else). Needless to say the relationship didn't go well after that. I went away to college, we talked a little bit while i was away, and when i came back, we didn't really converse much. After she had her ex before me take a paternity test and it came back negative, she started talking to me a bit more until I ended up taking one as well. At this point, once the test came back negative, I pretty well broke off all contact with her.
With the backstory filled out, she and I recently came back into contact a few months ago. We had found each other on facebook and had some just general conversation, how's life, whatnot. Over the course of this conversation, we found out that we both played WoW, but played different servers/factions. I was focused on my last relationship and wasn't playing much, and won't go into all that mess but we didn't have any serious contact at that point. Few months ago when I became single again, I started going back into the things i had missed out on while I was in a relationship, one of which was playing WoW. I had sorta died out playing on my current server, so on a wild hair i moved one of my chars over to hers. She and I started talking again on a more regular basis, and began to renew our old friendship (she and I were pretty decent friends before we began dating). We went and had lunch the other day, and I got to meet her son (her daughter was the one that was possibly mine. She got married, had a son, then got divorced). In doing so it made me seriously introspective over what could have been, and how my life would have been very different if it would have turned out that I was a father. I honestly think I would be a much better person, and that makes me really sad to see how much of a schmuck I am right now.
So the point to that story is, she and I had a "talk" tonight, and got a lot of things off of both of our chests. I had to express how I felt like I was a total ass during her whole pregnancy, because we were still dating. Yes, she cheated on me, but on a slightly positive note she did tell me about it. And during the whole time, when we weren't sure if it was my kid or not, she was extremely supportive of me and the fact that I needed to go off to school and pursue my dreams. In re-examining the situation as I do (i over analyze lots of past situations), I really feel like I should have been as supportive of her as she was of me. This was the topic of our discussion, and she felt like I treated her how she deserved at the time, when I really don't. She also had to make the point to clarify that it was as important to her as it is to me (and it is very important to me) that we are friends again and that we maintain our friendship, but she wanted to make sure I was aware that friends is all we would ever be. Now, this was all i ever intended since beginning contact with her again, as I was hurt quite a bit when I was younger by her, and didn't date again for a good 5 years after she and I broke up, and I told her that my only intention was to be friends with her. It is how I truly feel, but it sorta makes me sad to have it out there. I didn't really have intentions of wanting to get back with her at all, and besides the fact she is in a committed relationship now anyway. Just to have it out there and said is sorta weird, but I think it also brings official closure to whatever we had beyond friendship. We never really "broke up" in that we never said to each other that we were broken up, we just sorta stopped talking and the assumption was made. Hopefully I will get over this emo stage soon, because it is really good to have her back as a friend as she is someone that was and hopefully soon will be extremely important in my life. The other drama i'm dealing with on the romantic front I guess can wait until another update so. Thanks for reading anyone who actually does.
With the backstory filled out, she and I recently came back into contact a few months ago. We had found each other on facebook and had some just general conversation, how's life, whatnot. Over the course of this conversation, we found out that we both played WoW, but played different servers/factions. I was focused on my last relationship and wasn't playing much, and won't go into all that mess but we didn't have any serious contact at that point. Few months ago when I became single again, I started going back into the things i had missed out on while I was in a relationship, one of which was playing WoW. I had sorta died out playing on my current server, so on a wild hair i moved one of my chars over to hers. She and I started talking again on a more regular basis, and began to renew our old friendship (she and I were pretty decent friends before we began dating). We went and had lunch the other day, and I got to meet her son (her daughter was the one that was possibly mine. She got married, had a son, then got divorced). In doing so it made me seriously introspective over what could have been, and how my life would have been very different if it would have turned out that I was a father. I honestly think I would be a much better person, and that makes me really sad to see how much of a schmuck I am right now.
So the point to that story is, she and I had a "talk" tonight, and got a lot of things off of both of our chests. I had to express how I felt like I was a total ass during her whole pregnancy, because we were still dating. Yes, she cheated on me, but on a slightly positive note she did tell me about it. And during the whole time, when we weren't sure if it was my kid or not, she was extremely supportive of me and the fact that I needed to go off to school and pursue my dreams. In re-examining the situation as I do (i over analyze lots of past situations), I really feel like I should have been as supportive of her as she was of me. This was the topic of our discussion, and she felt like I treated her how she deserved at the time, when I really don't. She also had to make the point to clarify that it was as important to her as it is to me (and it is very important to me) that we are friends again and that we maintain our friendship, but she wanted to make sure I was aware that friends is all we would ever be. Now, this was all i ever intended since beginning contact with her again, as I was hurt quite a bit when I was younger by her, and didn't date again for a good 5 years after she and I broke up, and I told her that my only intention was to be friends with her. It is how I truly feel, but it sorta makes me sad to have it out there. I didn't really have intentions of wanting to get back with her at all, and besides the fact she is in a committed relationship now anyway. Just to have it out there and said is sorta weird, but I think it also brings official closure to whatever we had beyond friendship. We never really "broke up" in that we never said to each other that we were broken up, we just sorta stopped talking and the assumption was made. Hopefully I will get over this emo stage soon, because it is really good to have her back as a friend as she is someone that was and hopefully soon will be extremely important in my life. The other drama i'm dealing with on the romantic front I guess can wait until another update so. Thanks for reading anyone who actually does.