brushed with the Irish - part one
This is an old one - originally posted as a Halloween fic a couple of years ago, but it's St Pat's Day, and as it's been brushed by the Irish, I thought "why not?".
So for those of you who haven't read it before ...
Summary: Brian heartless? Maybe there’s a reason
Warnings: Very definitely AU, and of course a sprinkling of the supernatural as is fitting for an Irish story. I have borrowed bits from the tales of Tam Lyn, and of the Snow Queen, and thrown in some Irish myths of the Tuatha De Danann, the Shining Ones, for good measure. However, I have molded each of these to my own purpose, so purists, beware.
Notes: This starts immediately after the guys get back from New York (ep 110). In the flower display at Molly’s party there’s a cutout pumpkin face, so I’m assuming that her party was just before Halloween (which in 2000 fell on a Tuesday).
There are many love spells for Halloween, apparently dating from when Samhain was the beginning of the New Year. The one included is a mix of several, although I made up the chant which is pure nonsense.
Ó Cionnaoith is the Gaelic form for the name from which ‘Kinney’ is derived. The family motto is ‘Truth is always great’, which has nothing to do with the fic, but which I throw in because it seems particularly apt for Brian.
My True Love Hath My Heart
Pittsburgh, October 31 2000
“Justin, it’s the perfect place. You know what the spell said, to use earth magic and draw the one you want to win in the dirt with a stick while you repeat the chant. Well, what better spot to do that than Frick Park? Not only is it full of earth magic with the Nature Center there, but it’s right opposite the cemetery.”
“What’s that got to do with it?” Justin was feeling a little overwhelmed by his friend’s enthusiasm.
“Well, it is Halloween,” Daphne giggled.
Justin squirmed a little. “Daph, this is a really dumb idea.”
“Look, you’re the one that said that you thought you were finally getting somewhere with Brian, but that you were afraid that he was going to try to cut you out again, now that you’re not living there any more.”
She punched his arm. “You have to do something, Justin. You can’t let that happen now.”
Justin sighed. She was right. He needed to find a way to make sure that he stayed firmly in Brian’s life. Now that he was no longer living at the loft, it was going to be all too easy for Brian to just drift away from him. Okay, so he was now working at the diner and would be seeing him there, but that wasn’t nearly enough. And it was hard to know just what to do. Turning up at the loft unannounced was not a good idea. Not only was Brian likely to get pissed, but he was also likely to be entertaining a trick, or two, or … well, that didn’t bear thinking about.
Justin and Daph had found the spell when they’d been surfing the net one day weeks ago. Chanted at Halloween, it was supposed to help draw your lover to you. It worked, the site said, even better if you did it outdoors and did the draw-image-in-the-dirt thing at the same time. Better still if you also lit a red candle and held something of your loved one’s over the flame as you did the chant.
Well, he had a souvenir or two stashed away. Not that he’d ever let Brian know that. And he could draw. So … that just left the red candle (easy) and the place.
Frick Park wasn’t all that far and as Daph said, it would be perfect.
He figured it was a pretty dumb idea, but what did he have to lose?
*****
What had seemed like a marginally reasonable sort of idea at the time seemed incredibly dumb when he and Daphne finally made their way into the park. The gates were locked, of course, after sunset, so that had had to find a way to get in. It was cold, and there had been fine rain falling all day. Now it looked almost as if it was building up to a storm. The wind was getting up, making the trees and bushes rustle and creak and if he’d been honest, Justin would have admitted that it all seemed a little eerie.
Daphne seemed to feel the same way, because she moved closer to him. “It’s really creepy in here at night, isn’t it?”
He shrugged. Gay or not, he wasn’t going to be like a girl or some nelly queen. “It’s okay. But it’s cold. Let’s get it done and get going.”
They found a place where there was a patch of bare earth. The trees around them had pale trunks and some had bunches of bright red berries. They scraped the earth smooth, and Justin took a stick and began to draw.
“You should keep chanting while you do it,” Daphne advised. “Remember the site said that you should chant as often as you can today and tomorrow.”
Feeling more and more stupid, Justin began to chant:
"Ulc cancallo on toso sebh
Allal onnach uochus nahl suo
Chobhano toso sebh
Banocht to lo oncach o ubano
Loubo sebh allal deer ech ossa
A onvo collaght!"
As he chanted, he continued to draw, and as he drew, the feelings that he had for Brian seemed to grow stronger and stronger till it seemed that everything except his love for this beautiful, impossible, unattainable man was faint and far away and only that was real.
He finished the drawing, pulled the red candle from his backpack and drew from round his neck the warm scarf that was Brian’s. He’d give it back to him tomorrow, and tell him it had gotten mixed up with his things when he’d taken them sadly from the loft to Deb’s.
Remembering how that had felt, to move out of the loft, knowing that he might never again have the chance to share Brian’s life so closely, he felt tears sting his eyes. He used the scarf to wipe them away, and resolutely knelt to light the candle. That was the point of all this, to try to make sure that he did have that chance again. He just had to find a way to capture Brian’s heart. Everyone said he was a heartless shit, but Justin knew better. He just hid it well, that was all.
“I’ll find a way to win his heart, “ Justin vowed silently while his voice still murmured the chant. “I will. And I’ll keep it safe forever.”
Lighting the candle, of course, was easier said than done with the wind gusting round them. Daph knelt with him and together they did their best to shelter it while Justin struck match after match. Finally the wind died away for a moment, and swiftly Justin lit the candle and passed the scarf over the flame. The dampness of his tears glinted for a moment in the flickering candle’s glow.
Suddenly there was a great gust of wind and the candle went out. At the same moment, a cloud passed over the moon so that they were left in darkness.
Daphne gave a tiny squeak of fear, and Justin gasped, but kept on with the chant. For a few moments the darkness seemed to loom close and threatening, and Daphne was about to suggest that they’d cast the spell and could leave now when the moon came out again from behind the clouds, and suddenly the little clearing where they knelt was filled with light.
The light grew.
Nervously, Justin still chanting automatically, they looked up.
Standing just inside the clearing was a tall beautiful woman, auburn haired with eyes like sea foam. She was the source of the light. It seemed to shine from her hair, her skin, and especially from the swirling wonder of her eyes.
Their own eyes wide with fear and awe they knelt and stared at her.
“Be at peace,” her voice sang in their ears. “I bring no harm to any here.”
Justin gulped, and found that although his voice had stopped chanting, the words were continuing to sound in his head. As he tried to find his voice, he heard Daphne say, “Who are you? What … what do you want?”
“I wished to see for myself the one who petitions so hard for that which is lost. Lost, perhaps, beyond reclaiming.”
Brian! She was talking about Brian! His love drove out any fears for himself, and he jumped to his feet to confront her. “What do you mean?”
The woman gazed at him with calm assessing eyes.
“You seek to win the heart of a man who no longer has one,” she said, in that deep musical voice.
“That’s stupid. Of course he has a heart. He … he’s just …” his voice trailed off as he found himself fighting back tears. Because his own heart knew that this … being … whoever she was did not lie. But it couldn’t be true. Couldn’t. Wasn’t.
A while longer she regarded him, although he and Daphne were held silent, and found themselves unable, or perhaps just unwilling, to move.
Then it seemed the woman came to a decision, for she gestured towards the trees and said, “Come. There are things that I can tell you. Things that you need to know if you are to help your Brian.”
He stepped towards her then glanced at Daphne. To his shock, he found her lying on the ground, apparently unconscious.
“She will take no harm. But what I have to say is not for her hearing. Nor for any ears but yours.”
She turned and moved into the trees, and, half entranced, Justin followed her. She stopped a little way in where a fallen tree and a thick hedge made a small shelter. She sat, and gestured for him to join her.
Imperiously she held out her hands, and he put his into them. She held them firmly and smiled at him.
“So you are Justin.”
It didn’t surprise him at all that she knew his name, he simply nodded. She looked into his eyes for a moment longer then lowered hers to study his palms, looking from one to the other. She drew in a deep breath and nodded.
“Yes,” she said. “Yes, there is a chance. There will be danger for you down this road. There will be pain and darkness and fear. But if your heart holds true, there is a chance.”
He shook his head a little, trying to clear it, trying to understand. “I’m sorry, I don’t … What …?”
She sighed. “I need to begin at the beginning, and I have little time. You chose the time and place well to cast your spell, Justin. Only on All Hallows Eve, and only in a rowan grove could I have come to you. Now listen well, for there is knowledge you must have if you wish to fight for Brian’s heart.”
“Yes,” he said simply.
“Wait. Wait till you have heard. This is no light matter you undertake, child.”
“I’m not a child,” he protested firmly.
She laughed. “Oh, my little one, all mortals are children to me. I am of the Tuatha De Danann. My name is Aine.”
‘Mortals?’ Justin’s mind fought a battle against itself - what he was seeing and hearing, and what he knew could not be true. If she wasn’t mortal, did that mean she was some kind of vampire or something?
“You’re not … mortal?”
“No. I am … let us say I am an Elf. I think perhaps that is the nearest to your understanding.”
Justin tried to believe he was dreaming. She smiled at him again in understanding. “Tomorrow, much of this will seem to you a dream. And your little friend will remember nothing. But, Justin there are some things that you must remember. You must. For only you have the power to help your lover.”
“He … he’s not really … my lover. My anything,” Justin confessed sadly, looking down.
She touched his face so that he looked into her eyes. He felt the world turn around him for a moment, then he heard her voice, “If not you, no one. Ever. He will be alone and empty and will surely turn to darkness.”
“But …”
“Justin, please, time grows short, ‘tis nearly midnight. Please, listen to me.”
He nodded silently, his heart cold now with fear for Brian. Something terrible threatened him, he could feel it.
“Many years ago, as mortals measure time, the Tuatha De Danann came to Ireland. They found there a wicked race, evil giants known as the Fomorians. We did battle with them, not once, but twice, and finally defeated them. They were scattered, their powers diminished, but some survived, survive still, seeking always to do harm, to destroy, for they take pleasure only in destruction and death. If they can destroy one who is beloved of us, then they count the pleasure all the greater.
“Your Brian is descended through many generations from those mortals who aided and supported us in our wars. As a child he brought delight to our hearts. His father had long turned away from us, towards the darkness, and we feared another line of our allies was lost to us. But Brian, he was not like his father and … we had such hopes for him.”
She stopped for a moment, seeming lost in sad memories, then she continued. “Brian’s grandfather was of the old beliefs and used, even in this country, to leave a little something at his doorstep. His son, though, was of another mind, always drawn to the darkness, and he became worse when he married a harridan; a cold unfeeling woman with a soul of iron.
“Little Brian, though, was his grandfather’s true heir and, although he was surrounded by cruelty, it cast no shadow on his being, and his heart was strong. But just as his eleventh year drew to an end, his grandfather died, and Brian’s heart came close to breaking. Cruel words he had then from his father, saying that he should never have been born to shame his father with his girlish tears. The beatings started then, and all his world seemed pain and spite.
“On his eleventh birthday he was beaten and chased from the house to hide until his father had fallen asleep in his drunken fit.
“In the dark of the night, with stars and moon both hidden by cloud, someone came to Brian and promised him ease of all the pain he felt. The Fomorians’ dark goddess, Domnu, she whose name means “the Abyss” came to him, and persuaded him that if he had no heart, he could feel no heart break.
“In his pain and his despair, he listened. A bargain was struck and Brian agreed to give his heart into her keeping.
“She holds it still. And while she holds it, Brian can never be whole, and cannot truly love.”
Justin stared at her in terror and disbelief. “But that can’t be true. I … Brian … Brian does care about people. He does.”
She nodded slowly. “That’s true. It is a sign of the strength for good in him that she has never fully stripped all feeling from him. But, Justin, she yet may. Indeed, she will, if you don’t find a way to stop her.”
“Me? What can I do? Why can’t you …?”
She looked at him with pity. “I may not. It is as I said, if you had not cast your spell, here, in the rowan grove, so friendly to my people, and sealed it with your heart’s tears, I would not have had the power to come to you thus.
“The world has changed, Justin, since we did open battle with Domnu and her followers. Now, our powers are weakened, and only when one seeks us out with such purity of purpose can we make ourselves known in the mortal realm. Now listen to me.
“The bargain with Domnu is not final yet. Thrice seven years must she hold Brian’s heart, with him not ever asking for it back, before she wins it forever. On the night of his thirty second birthday she will claim it finally and with it his soul, and he will be lost to the world of light for all eternity, unless, between now and then, he can be persuaded to face Domnu. He must repudiate the bargain and demand his heart back.”
Justin stared at her. “But how can I…?”
“I cannot tell you how, but take heart. While you are beside him, loving him, all is not lost. Day by day, little by little, your heart has won a place in his breast. There are others who love him also, and each small piece of their hearts that they give to him, keeps that place within him open and so hope remains.
“But it will not be an easy task, Justin. He has no memory of the bargain. Only that his memories of loving are memories of pain and loss. And that when he stopped allowing himself to feel love, the pain was less. He will not easily accept that pain again.”
“But …”
‘I don’t believe in love.’
The words rang in Justin’s mind with new and dreadful meaning now. She was right. Brian didn’t want to feel love. He would fight it. He’d been fighting it since the night they’d met.
‘But I can fight too,’ Justin thought. ‘I can fight for us, for him.’
“I’ll find a way,” he said. “I’ll do anything I have to and I will find a way.”
She smiled at him. “If I did not believe that you could win this battle, I would not have come to you.”
From her robe she took a small piece of crystal.
“Keep this. Although your mind may not remember what we have said tonight, if you keep this near you, your heart will. And it will help you find the way to bring Brian’s heart back to him.”
Justin took it from her.
“But, Justin, remember also my warning. This will not be an easy battle for you. Brian himself will fight you. He will hurt you. Domnu will see to that. She will use her powers to destroy you if she can, destroy your love for him at least. And she will do it through him. He will take on many guises, masks of selfishness and spite to fight you off. When he does so, you must cling to him all the harder. When he most seems like a monster, he most needs your love.
“If you can give him that, holding him tight within the web of your love, no matter how vicious and destructive he may appear, then you can defeat Domnu. She has only the power to destroy. If you refuse destruction, refuse to let her destroy your love, then she will lose the battle in the end.
“But do not underestimate her - you will suffer greatly if she puts forth her power, the more so because in loving Brian, you give him power to hurt you in ways that no one else could. But even your pain can be your ally, for in her there is no feeling. She is the Abyss. In the end she is only nothingness.”
Justin nodded his understanding. He was cold from more than just the wind, but he met her eyes bravely.
“Thank you. I will … I will try. I will fight for him. I … I love him,” he said bravely.
She smiled at him, a wonder of light, “Justin, I am Aine. In the years gone by men worshipped me as the goddess of love. It was my pleasure to watch over lovers of all kinds.”
She touched his face once more, a feather touch that he felt down to his toes.
“I see in you the ache in your chest, the emptiness, where so much of your heart has been given to Brian. And I tell you that even should you lose this battle, should Brian never regain his heart to give to you, should yours never come back from in his keeping, yet you will never feel the lack of it. Pain, yes, and loss. But not the empty void within that Brian faces every day. For your heart you gave into another’s keeping, willingly, in love. Not put it from you, desperately, in pain and fear.
“Be of good cheer, little one, Aine’s blessing goes with you. And even in this darkened world, that holds some power still.”
She bent then, and perhaps she kissed his cheek.
It seemed to him there was a great flash of light, and then only darkness, and she was gone.
When his eyes recovered from the flash, he found that he was once more kneeling in the clearing beside Daphne clutching Brian’s scarf over the faintly flickering flame of the red candle.
Daph was just starting to get to her feet. “Justin, there’s a storm coming. We shouldn’t be near the trees. We need to get back to the car.”
He stood slowly, trying to work out what had happened. Surely there was something …
Still trying to clear his mind, he wrapped the scarf around his neck. That’s when he found the crystal he was clutching in the palm of his hand. He opened his mouth to say something about it to Daphne, but found himself quietly slipping it into the inside pocket of his jacket, right over his heart.
Somehow it seemed to reach through his clothing, spreading a glow of warmth. Thunder crashed overhead and the wind tried to whip the scarf from his grasp. Daph was right, it was time to get out of here. His mind still running over the chant he’d begun what seemed like hours ago, he followed Daphne through the gloom to the car.
As they came out onto the roadway, lightning streaked the sky and for a moment the monuments in the cemetery on the other side of the road stood out in stark relief against the darkness.
“Just like a horror movie,” Daphne giggled as they got into the car.
“Nah,” Justin demurred. “Too clichéd.”
Behind the storm, the malice that was Domnu was content to let them go. She knew she had little to fear from this feckless child, she did not doubt her power over the son of the Ó Cionnaoith. All the same, perhaps …
Perhaps it was time that all who knew him were reminded to whom he belonged. She began to weave her plans, knowing that, as always, the easiest way to persuade the stubborn man who was her victim to destruction, was to convince him that what he was doing, what he would do, was in the best interest of those who, against all the odds, he continued to care about.
Then, when he saw the havoc that his best intentions wrought, oh, how easy it was to make him believe that all who knew him were safer without his love.
And soon it would be the little dark haired one’s birthday ...
*****
on to Part Two
So for those of you who haven't read it before ...
Summary: Brian heartless? Maybe there’s a reason
Warnings: Very definitely AU, and of course a sprinkling of the supernatural as is fitting for an Irish story. I have borrowed bits from the tales of Tam Lyn, and of the Snow Queen, and thrown in some Irish myths of the Tuatha De Danann, the Shining Ones, for good measure. However, I have molded each of these to my own purpose, so purists, beware.
Notes: This starts immediately after the guys get back from New York (ep 110). In the flower display at Molly’s party there’s a cutout pumpkin face, so I’m assuming that her party was just before Halloween (which in 2000 fell on a Tuesday).
There are many love spells for Halloween, apparently dating from when Samhain was the beginning of the New Year. The one included is a mix of several, although I made up the chant which is pure nonsense.
Ó Cionnaoith is the Gaelic form for the name from which ‘Kinney’ is derived. The family motto is ‘Truth is always great’, which has nothing to do with the fic, but which I throw in because it seems particularly apt for Brian.
My True Love Hath My Heart
Pittsburgh, October 31 2000
“Justin, it’s the perfect place. You know what the spell said, to use earth magic and draw the one you want to win in the dirt with a stick while you repeat the chant. Well, what better spot to do that than Frick Park? Not only is it full of earth magic with the Nature Center there, but it’s right opposite the cemetery.”
“What’s that got to do with it?” Justin was feeling a little overwhelmed by his friend’s enthusiasm.
“Well, it is Halloween,” Daphne giggled.
Justin squirmed a little. “Daph, this is a really dumb idea.”
“Look, you’re the one that said that you thought you were finally getting somewhere with Brian, but that you were afraid that he was going to try to cut you out again, now that you’re not living there any more.”
She punched his arm. “You have to do something, Justin. You can’t let that happen now.”
Justin sighed. She was right. He needed to find a way to make sure that he stayed firmly in Brian’s life. Now that he was no longer living at the loft, it was going to be all too easy for Brian to just drift away from him. Okay, so he was now working at the diner and would be seeing him there, but that wasn’t nearly enough. And it was hard to know just what to do. Turning up at the loft unannounced was not a good idea. Not only was Brian likely to get pissed, but he was also likely to be entertaining a trick, or two, or … well, that didn’t bear thinking about.
Justin and Daph had found the spell when they’d been surfing the net one day weeks ago. Chanted at Halloween, it was supposed to help draw your lover to you. It worked, the site said, even better if you did it outdoors and did the draw-image-in-the-dirt thing at the same time. Better still if you also lit a red candle and held something of your loved one’s over the flame as you did the chant.
Well, he had a souvenir or two stashed away. Not that he’d ever let Brian know that. And he could draw. So … that just left the red candle (easy) and the place.
Frick Park wasn’t all that far and as Daph said, it would be perfect.
He figured it was a pretty dumb idea, but what did he have to lose?
*****
What had seemed like a marginally reasonable sort of idea at the time seemed incredibly dumb when he and Daphne finally made their way into the park. The gates were locked, of course, after sunset, so that had had to find a way to get in. It was cold, and there had been fine rain falling all day. Now it looked almost as if it was building up to a storm. The wind was getting up, making the trees and bushes rustle and creak and if he’d been honest, Justin would have admitted that it all seemed a little eerie.
Daphne seemed to feel the same way, because she moved closer to him. “It’s really creepy in here at night, isn’t it?”
He shrugged. Gay or not, he wasn’t going to be like a girl or some nelly queen. “It’s okay. But it’s cold. Let’s get it done and get going.”
They found a place where there was a patch of bare earth. The trees around them had pale trunks and some had bunches of bright red berries. They scraped the earth smooth, and Justin took a stick and began to draw.
“You should keep chanting while you do it,” Daphne advised. “Remember the site said that you should chant as often as you can today and tomorrow.”
Feeling more and more stupid, Justin began to chant:
"Ulc cancallo on toso sebh
Allal onnach uochus nahl suo
Chobhano toso sebh
Banocht to lo oncach o ubano
Loubo sebh allal deer ech ossa
A onvo collaght!"
As he chanted, he continued to draw, and as he drew, the feelings that he had for Brian seemed to grow stronger and stronger till it seemed that everything except his love for this beautiful, impossible, unattainable man was faint and far away and only that was real.
He finished the drawing, pulled the red candle from his backpack and drew from round his neck the warm scarf that was Brian’s. He’d give it back to him tomorrow, and tell him it had gotten mixed up with his things when he’d taken them sadly from the loft to Deb’s.
Remembering how that had felt, to move out of the loft, knowing that he might never again have the chance to share Brian’s life so closely, he felt tears sting his eyes. He used the scarf to wipe them away, and resolutely knelt to light the candle. That was the point of all this, to try to make sure that he did have that chance again. He just had to find a way to capture Brian’s heart. Everyone said he was a heartless shit, but Justin knew better. He just hid it well, that was all.
“I’ll find a way to win his heart, “ Justin vowed silently while his voice still murmured the chant. “I will. And I’ll keep it safe forever.”
Lighting the candle, of course, was easier said than done with the wind gusting round them. Daph knelt with him and together they did their best to shelter it while Justin struck match after match. Finally the wind died away for a moment, and swiftly Justin lit the candle and passed the scarf over the flame. The dampness of his tears glinted for a moment in the flickering candle’s glow.
Suddenly there was a great gust of wind and the candle went out. At the same moment, a cloud passed over the moon so that they were left in darkness.
Daphne gave a tiny squeak of fear, and Justin gasped, but kept on with the chant. For a few moments the darkness seemed to loom close and threatening, and Daphne was about to suggest that they’d cast the spell and could leave now when the moon came out again from behind the clouds, and suddenly the little clearing where they knelt was filled with light.
The light grew.
Nervously, Justin still chanting automatically, they looked up.
Standing just inside the clearing was a tall beautiful woman, auburn haired with eyes like sea foam. She was the source of the light. It seemed to shine from her hair, her skin, and especially from the swirling wonder of her eyes.
Their own eyes wide with fear and awe they knelt and stared at her.
“Be at peace,” her voice sang in their ears. “I bring no harm to any here.”
Justin gulped, and found that although his voice had stopped chanting, the words were continuing to sound in his head. As he tried to find his voice, he heard Daphne say, “Who are you? What … what do you want?”
“I wished to see for myself the one who petitions so hard for that which is lost. Lost, perhaps, beyond reclaiming.”
Brian! She was talking about Brian! His love drove out any fears for himself, and he jumped to his feet to confront her. “What do you mean?”
The woman gazed at him with calm assessing eyes.
“You seek to win the heart of a man who no longer has one,” she said, in that deep musical voice.
“That’s stupid. Of course he has a heart. He … he’s just …” his voice trailed off as he found himself fighting back tears. Because his own heart knew that this … being … whoever she was did not lie. But it couldn’t be true. Couldn’t. Wasn’t.
A while longer she regarded him, although he and Daphne were held silent, and found themselves unable, or perhaps just unwilling, to move.
Then it seemed the woman came to a decision, for she gestured towards the trees and said, “Come. There are things that I can tell you. Things that you need to know if you are to help your Brian.”
He stepped towards her then glanced at Daphne. To his shock, he found her lying on the ground, apparently unconscious.
“She will take no harm. But what I have to say is not for her hearing. Nor for any ears but yours.”
She turned and moved into the trees, and, half entranced, Justin followed her. She stopped a little way in where a fallen tree and a thick hedge made a small shelter. She sat, and gestured for him to join her.
Imperiously she held out her hands, and he put his into them. She held them firmly and smiled at him.
“So you are Justin.”
It didn’t surprise him at all that she knew his name, he simply nodded. She looked into his eyes for a moment longer then lowered hers to study his palms, looking from one to the other. She drew in a deep breath and nodded.
“Yes,” she said. “Yes, there is a chance. There will be danger for you down this road. There will be pain and darkness and fear. But if your heart holds true, there is a chance.”
He shook his head a little, trying to clear it, trying to understand. “I’m sorry, I don’t … What …?”
She sighed. “I need to begin at the beginning, and I have little time. You chose the time and place well to cast your spell, Justin. Only on All Hallows Eve, and only in a rowan grove could I have come to you. Now listen well, for there is knowledge you must have if you wish to fight for Brian’s heart.”
“Yes,” he said simply.
“Wait. Wait till you have heard. This is no light matter you undertake, child.”
“I’m not a child,” he protested firmly.
She laughed. “Oh, my little one, all mortals are children to me. I am of the Tuatha De Danann. My name is Aine.”
‘Mortals?’ Justin’s mind fought a battle against itself - what he was seeing and hearing, and what he knew could not be true. If she wasn’t mortal, did that mean she was some kind of vampire or something?
“You’re not … mortal?”
“No. I am … let us say I am an Elf. I think perhaps that is the nearest to your understanding.”
Justin tried to believe he was dreaming. She smiled at him again in understanding. “Tomorrow, much of this will seem to you a dream. And your little friend will remember nothing. But, Justin there are some things that you must remember. You must. For only you have the power to help your lover.”
“He … he’s not really … my lover. My anything,” Justin confessed sadly, looking down.
She touched his face so that he looked into her eyes. He felt the world turn around him for a moment, then he heard her voice, “If not you, no one. Ever. He will be alone and empty and will surely turn to darkness.”
“But …”
“Justin, please, time grows short, ‘tis nearly midnight. Please, listen to me.”
He nodded silently, his heart cold now with fear for Brian. Something terrible threatened him, he could feel it.
“Many years ago, as mortals measure time, the Tuatha De Danann came to Ireland. They found there a wicked race, evil giants known as the Fomorians. We did battle with them, not once, but twice, and finally defeated them. They were scattered, their powers diminished, but some survived, survive still, seeking always to do harm, to destroy, for they take pleasure only in destruction and death. If they can destroy one who is beloved of us, then they count the pleasure all the greater.
“Your Brian is descended through many generations from those mortals who aided and supported us in our wars. As a child he brought delight to our hearts. His father had long turned away from us, towards the darkness, and we feared another line of our allies was lost to us. But Brian, he was not like his father and … we had such hopes for him.”
She stopped for a moment, seeming lost in sad memories, then she continued. “Brian’s grandfather was of the old beliefs and used, even in this country, to leave a little something at his doorstep. His son, though, was of another mind, always drawn to the darkness, and he became worse when he married a harridan; a cold unfeeling woman with a soul of iron.
“Little Brian, though, was his grandfather’s true heir and, although he was surrounded by cruelty, it cast no shadow on his being, and his heart was strong. But just as his eleventh year drew to an end, his grandfather died, and Brian’s heart came close to breaking. Cruel words he had then from his father, saying that he should never have been born to shame his father with his girlish tears. The beatings started then, and all his world seemed pain and spite.
“On his eleventh birthday he was beaten and chased from the house to hide until his father had fallen asleep in his drunken fit.
“In the dark of the night, with stars and moon both hidden by cloud, someone came to Brian and promised him ease of all the pain he felt. The Fomorians’ dark goddess, Domnu, she whose name means “the Abyss” came to him, and persuaded him that if he had no heart, he could feel no heart break.
“In his pain and his despair, he listened. A bargain was struck and Brian agreed to give his heart into her keeping.
“She holds it still. And while she holds it, Brian can never be whole, and cannot truly love.”
Justin stared at her in terror and disbelief. “But that can’t be true. I … Brian … Brian does care about people. He does.”
She nodded slowly. “That’s true. It is a sign of the strength for good in him that she has never fully stripped all feeling from him. But, Justin, she yet may. Indeed, she will, if you don’t find a way to stop her.”
“Me? What can I do? Why can’t you …?”
She looked at him with pity. “I may not. It is as I said, if you had not cast your spell, here, in the rowan grove, so friendly to my people, and sealed it with your heart’s tears, I would not have had the power to come to you thus.
“The world has changed, Justin, since we did open battle with Domnu and her followers. Now, our powers are weakened, and only when one seeks us out with such purity of purpose can we make ourselves known in the mortal realm. Now listen to me.
“The bargain with Domnu is not final yet. Thrice seven years must she hold Brian’s heart, with him not ever asking for it back, before she wins it forever. On the night of his thirty second birthday she will claim it finally and with it his soul, and he will be lost to the world of light for all eternity, unless, between now and then, he can be persuaded to face Domnu. He must repudiate the bargain and demand his heart back.”
Justin stared at her. “But how can I…?”
“I cannot tell you how, but take heart. While you are beside him, loving him, all is not lost. Day by day, little by little, your heart has won a place in his breast. There are others who love him also, and each small piece of their hearts that they give to him, keeps that place within him open and so hope remains.
“But it will not be an easy task, Justin. He has no memory of the bargain. Only that his memories of loving are memories of pain and loss. And that when he stopped allowing himself to feel love, the pain was less. He will not easily accept that pain again.”
“But …”
‘I don’t believe in love.’
The words rang in Justin’s mind with new and dreadful meaning now. She was right. Brian didn’t want to feel love. He would fight it. He’d been fighting it since the night they’d met.
‘But I can fight too,’ Justin thought. ‘I can fight for us, for him.’
“I’ll find a way,” he said. “I’ll do anything I have to and I will find a way.”
She smiled at him. “If I did not believe that you could win this battle, I would not have come to you.”
From her robe she took a small piece of crystal.
“Keep this. Although your mind may not remember what we have said tonight, if you keep this near you, your heart will. And it will help you find the way to bring Brian’s heart back to him.”
Justin took it from her.
“But, Justin, remember also my warning. This will not be an easy battle for you. Brian himself will fight you. He will hurt you. Domnu will see to that. She will use her powers to destroy you if she can, destroy your love for him at least. And she will do it through him. He will take on many guises, masks of selfishness and spite to fight you off. When he does so, you must cling to him all the harder. When he most seems like a monster, he most needs your love.
“If you can give him that, holding him tight within the web of your love, no matter how vicious and destructive he may appear, then you can defeat Domnu. She has only the power to destroy. If you refuse destruction, refuse to let her destroy your love, then she will lose the battle in the end.
“But do not underestimate her - you will suffer greatly if she puts forth her power, the more so because in loving Brian, you give him power to hurt you in ways that no one else could. But even your pain can be your ally, for in her there is no feeling. She is the Abyss. In the end she is only nothingness.”
Justin nodded his understanding. He was cold from more than just the wind, but he met her eyes bravely.
“Thank you. I will … I will try. I will fight for him. I … I love him,” he said bravely.
She smiled at him, a wonder of light, “Justin, I am Aine. In the years gone by men worshipped me as the goddess of love. It was my pleasure to watch over lovers of all kinds.”
She touched his face once more, a feather touch that he felt down to his toes.
“I see in you the ache in your chest, the emptiness, where so much of your heart has been given to Brian. And I tell you that even should you lose this battle, should Brian never regain his heart to give to you, should yours never come back from in his keeping, yet you will never feel the lack of it. Pain, yes, and loss. But not the empty void within that Brian faces every day. For your heart you gave into another’s keeping, willingly, in love. Not put it from you, desperately, in pain and fear.
“Be of good cheer, little one, Aine’s blessing goes with you. And even in this darkened world, that holds some power still.”
She bent then, and perhaps she kissed his cheek.
It seemed to him there was a great flash of light, and then only darkness, and she was gone.
When his eyes recovered from the flash, he found that he was once more kneeling in the clearing beside Daphne clutching Brian’s scarf over the faintly flickering flame of the red candle.
Daph was just starting to get to her feet. “Justin, there’s a storm coming. We shouldn’t be near the trees. We need to get back to the car.”
He stood slowly, trying to work out what had happened. Surely there was something …
Still trying to clear his mind, he wrapped the scarf around his neck. That’s when he found the crystal he was clutching in the palm of his hand. He opened his mouth to say something about it to Daphne, but found himself quietly slipping it into the inside pocket of his jacket, right over his heart.
Somehow it seemed to reach through his clothing, spreading a glow of warmth. Thunder crashed overhead and the wind tried to whip the scarf from his grasp. Daph was right, it was time to get out of here. His mind still running over the chant he’d begun what seemed like hours ago, he followed Daphne through the gloom to the car.
As they came out onto the roadway, lightning streaked the sky and for a moment the monuments in the cemetery on the other side of the road stood out in stark relief against the darkness.
“Just like a horror movie,” Daphne giggled as they got into the car.
“Nah,” Justin demurred. “Too clichéd.”
Behind the storm, the malice that was Domnu was content to let them go. She knew she had little to fear from this feckless child, she did not doubt her power over the son of the Ó Cionnaoith. All the same, perhaps …
Perhaps it was time that all who knew him were reminded to whom he belonged. She began to weave her plans, knowing that, as always, the easiest way to persuade the stubborn man who was her victim to destruction, was to convince him that what he was doing, what he would do, was in the best interest of those who, against all the odds, he continued to care about.
Then, when he saw the havoc that his best intentions wrought, oh, how easy it was to make him believe that all who knew him were safer without his love.
And soon it would be the little dark haired one’s birthday ...
*****
on to Part Two