(no subject)
ahh, all seems right in the world at the moment. it feels so nice to be able to breathe without a catch in my throat, to laugh and smile.
i'm not exactly sure what changed but as of thursday i feel markedly different, better. much much better.
candidates for consideration:
- i ate at least a full meal or two every day in tallahassee, whether i wanted to or not. i ate things that i wanted and craved vs. things that were just available.
- i have slept a full night sleep every night, surprisingly. i have also gotten out of bed early everyday and accomplished things.
- despite worrying that i would not be able to, i did save the day!
- i had really awesome talks with a lot of different people. my life has been lacking good conversation with people who are like-minded, or at least respect/understand my strange brand of humor and incessant dissection of everything.
- when i was freaking out, dolci said exactly what i have been waiting for someone to say to me. just like that i was calming down and thinking rationally again. i didn't know that i was waiting for such specific things, but i am thankful for her.
- kev dispelled a lot of my anxious nonsense. we had a really good chat about erin on the way to have dinner with court and oz. he seemed to be really frank and honest. i appreciated that. i decided that i would put away paranoia and suspicion (as much as i am able to) and just have faith.
- he got to keep his job that he loves and that made me so happy. also, i don't have to give up my extra-super-good-deal cell phone, nor the chance to live on my own just yet.
in conclusion:
- i feel strangely worry free at the moment. it's a really alien feeling because lately i have been so bound up in stress over money, moving, love, wrk, etc. that i haven't really had much time to just chill out and enjoy the fact that i have so many awesome things in my life.
- i only have $80 until next pay day due to being financially responsible and what not, but i am not really concerned about it. i can survive on that, i think. if not, i have plenty of available resources that can supplement me. i have decided that i am just not going to worry about it.
- i am really content to sit in the computer chair at my desk (the only pieces of furniture i have) and listen to MY music/tool around on the internet/read alone in my fairly empty apartment. i am selfishly enjoying the fact that the only noise that can be heard is generated by me.
- you people should come hang out with me in my empty apartment before it gets cluttered with real furniture and starts to look too much like a grown-up place. lol. i say that you should bring your own cardboard boxes, because there is totally enough room for a fort in my bedroom. i have crayons and duct tape.
i'm not exactly sure what changed but as of thursday i feel markedly different, better. much much better.
candidates for consideration:
- i ate at least a full meal or two every day in tallahassee, whether i wanted to or not. i ate things that i wanted and craved vs. things that were just available.
- i have slept a full night sleep every night, surprisingly. i have also gotten out of bed early everyday and accomplished things.
- despite worrying that i would not be able to, i did save the day!
- i had really awesome talks with a lot of different people. my life has been lacking good conversation with people who are like-minded, or at least respect/understand my strange brand of humor and incessant dissection of everything.
- when i was freaking out, dolci said exactly what i have been waiting for someone to say to me. just like that i was calming down and thinking rationally again. i didn't know that i was waiting for such specific things, but i am thankful for her.
- kev dispelled a lot of my anxious nonsense. we had a really good chat about erin on the way to have dinner with court and oz. he seemed to be really frank and honest. i appreciated that. i decided that i would put away paranoia and suspicion (as much as i am able to) and just have faith.
- he got to keep his job that he loves and that made me so happy. also, i don't have to give up my extra-super-good-deal cell phone, nor the chance to live on my own just yet.
in conclusion:
- i feel strangely worry free at the moment. it's a really alien feeling because lately i have been so bound up in stress over money, moving, love, wrk, etc. that i haven't really had much time to just chill out and enjoy the fact that i have so many awesome things in my life.
- i only have $80 until next pay day due to being financially responsible and what not, but i am not really concerned about it. i can survive on that, i think. if not, i have plenty of available resources that can supplement me. i have decided that i am just not going to worry about it.
- i am really content to sit in the computer chair at my desk (the only pieces of furniture i have) and listen to MY music/tool around on the internet/read alone in my fairly empty apartment. i am selfishly enjoying the fact that the only noise that can be heard is generated by me.
- you people should come hang out with me in my empty apartment before it gets cluttered with real furniture and starts to look too much like a grown-up place. lol. i say that you should bring your own cardboard boxes, because there is totally enough room for a fort in my bedroom. i have crayons and duct tape.