"Habit and routine make my life possible"
or whatever that line is in Memento...and even though I don't have short-term memory loss, that line alone pretty much describes how I live...
I've gotten into so many bad habits (and not too many good ones) and I'm really paying for it now. I'm waiting for someone or something to wake me up from all this. I've been so lifeless. Tired. Bored. It's got to end now.
I can't lie and say I haven't made any progress, but I can't help but feel this way on nights like this when I'm not with any of my friends and I haven't been doing anything. You know, it's 8:44pm and aside from my rehearsal that went from 11am-1pm, this is exactly what I've done:
I talked to my mom about getting my car fixed, got really depressed about not only that but the fact that I spend so much time online, I went and deleted my link to the wendiboard in my favorites and even went as far as deleting this journal, only to revive it about a half hour later. I then spent a lot of time just reading friends entries on livejournal, looking on record labels sites wishing I could buy vinyl, ate around 6 and watched two episodes of family guy, then went back online, read reviews for R-Type Final...then went into my drawer because I've been wanting to organize it for a long time, found an old journal and posted some of the dreams I kept in it on the wendiboard... and really, that's about it. That's how empty my life is. That's how empty I am, and what makes it worse is that I don't really do much about it. It's almost like I enjoy the boredom, the monotony, but I'm CONSTANTLY thinking that I could be doing something else, something productive, or even something that's fun like playing a stupid video game, but no, I'll sit here and think about doing these things, yet I'm too lazy to even get up and go find a game, or I'll sit for an hour trying to decide what I want to do. I'm tired of living this way, and I've BEEN tired of living this way probably since I started writing in this journal.
Sometimes I think I take too much advantage of my "freedom". I'm spoiled. My mom denies it, but I am. I'm really sick of it. If I have to get myself to do anything, I usually end up making a list or a schedule, in fact no, a list or a schedule are REQUIRED for me to remember to do anything, which brings me back to the quote I mentioned earlier. I can't live without routine.
I really should stop talking about this, I'm just making myself miserable.
I've gotten into so many bad habits (and not too many good ones) and I'm really paying for it now. I'm waiting for someone or something to wake me up from all this. I've been so lifeless. Tired. Bored. It's got to end now.
I can't lie and say I haven't made any progress, but I can't help but feel this way on nights like this when I'm not with any of my friends and I haven't been doing anything. You know, it's 8:44pm and aside from my rehearsal that went from 11am-1pm, this is exactly what I've done:
I talked to my mom about getting my car fixed, got really depressed about not only that but the fact that I spend so much time online, I went and deleted my link to the wendiboard in my favorites and even went as far as deleting this journal, only to revive it about a half hour later. I then spent a lot of time just reading friends entries on livejournal, looking on record labels sites wishing I could buy vinyl, ate around 6 and watched two episodes of family guy, then went back online, read reviews for R-Type Final...then went into my drawer because I've been wanting to organize it for a long time, found an old journal and posted some of the dreams I kept in it on the wendiboard... and really, that's about it. That's how empty my life is. That's how empty I am, and what makes it worse is that I don't really do much about it. It's almost like I enjoy the boredom, the monotony, but I'm CONSTANTLY thinking that I could be doing something else, something productive, or even something that's fun like playing a stupid video game, but no, I'll sit here and think about doing these things, yet I'm too lazy to even get up and go find a game, or I'll sit for an hour trying to decide what I want to do. I'm tired of living this way, and I've BEEN tired of living this way probably since I started writing in this journal.
Sometimes I think I take too much advantage of my "freedom". I'm spoiled. My mom denies it, but I am. I'm really sick of it. If I have to get myself to do anything, I usually end up making a list or a schedule, in fact no, a list or a schedule are REQUIRED for me to remember to do anything, which brings me back to the quote I mentioned earlier. I can't live without routine.
I really should stop talking about this, I'm just making myself miserable.