(no subject)
theres something soft groaning at the pit of my stomach aching to be let out into the cold world that once was so loud & brilliant in it's day but I think it's slowly fading to the point my body is screaming at me for it, & my heart is overwhelmed with the pain & thoughts this feeling has left behind. I slowly smoked it away with my sick addiction of marbolo red cigarettes, perhaps. I could've sworn I drank it away that sunday afternoon with that young man who used to make my problems look like republican old fashioned values. It may have lost it's way when I became a rebel against my parents, sneaking out at 1am to meet my friends. maybe it diminished when our lips met behind the local high school in this miniscule town. maybe, just maybe, it was gone when I started to deny God and Jesus Christ, and the whole idea of this christianity that was forced on my virgin mind at such a fragile age. Maybe it left when I almost had sex that night in the foggy doublewide in his sisters' bed... or maybe it left when I first realized I'm never going to be like everyone else, lead a normal lifestyle that was forced into my mind unless I lied my way out of everything.
But God would only know where it went.
Innocence.
But God would only know where it went.
Innocence.