not cool but working on it...
Nothing is going the way I want it to. I'm bombing exams left and right, I'm cursing every minute I spend in the DO (thus leading to a significant decrease of residency hours on my part), I'm STILL miserably single, school is not easy at all, I'm still not making progress in the whole fitting-in-in-the-batch-assembly thing, my family's still not rolling in dough and world peace has not been attained.
But it's okay, because I'm still alive and I can do something to try and remedy at least some, if not all of that. At least I'm still alive. A few days ago, a 12-year old girl from one of our Church choirs (the one I joined for Relstwo) died from aneurism. It was just a sudden and unexpected thing that lasted only for a few hours. They never suspected a thing until it hit and then bam, she was gone. She was TWELVE for crying out loud. TWELVE. We attended her wake yesterday and I just went cold all over when I saw her mom just sitting there listlessly, she seemed like she was on another planet and didn't seem to know how to come back. I couldn't go near her. What do you say to someone whose loss is so profound? "Condolence..." seems so trite and "I'm sorry" seems wrong. No, there wasn't anything I could say that would help. Thank goodness my sister was there and she was a lot more composed than I was and she went over and gave everyone a hug (which, of course, I cannot do since I have not completely succeeded in shrinking my massive and impenetrable personal space bubble).
At first I felt like crap because I kept thinking "Wtdf, how the heck am I supposed to deal with clients and patients when I can't even say anything good to this woman?!" but then I guess...I don't know, maybe it was a sign, that I should just get my stupid act together and take this Psych thing seriously. I've been treating college like just another way to pass time until the real world catches up with me. Well, I'll (hopefully) be booted out into the real world in about a year's time and until then, I have to work work work and learn how to make things better for other people. Never mind being single, never mind agonizing over physics, it's all part of what I want to do isn't it? Stop complaining...or at least stop trying to kill everyone when you're stressed...it comes with the territory of having goals and being a college student in general. These things really do come at a price...I hope in the end I find out that it was worth it...