(no subject)
i just want to cry,
i want it to go away,
i hurt because i love (is it supposed to be this painful?)
i can honestly say, well i think
(think being the key word)
that i haven't done anything wrong.
Please just tell me it's over!! please!!
it's almost like sitting here waiting for the dagger that has already so painfully pierced your skin
just asking and begging for them to just shove it into my heart and kill me already
i'm waiting and waiting (and too much of a fucking coward to end it myself... ohhhh it's because i LOVE HIM)
I'm so confused, how could you choose comfortable over love???
how is that possible?
Yes you'll be comfortable but but but... to be in a loveless relationship, always wondering what could have been, choosing comfortable rather than being with the one person that you've never felt like this about... people only dream about this... this only happens in fairy tales.... and you're telling me you'll give this all up because you don't want to sell your boat... or possibly work more... ( i know it's more than that)
i get the money problem... but people make it work all the time, everyday... i think if you're willing you'll make it work
if you're not willing ...well then thats another thing, and maybe i should be told and then i won't think you love me as much as you say you do and it will be easier to get over you
even if you did tell me, i know it would be a lie, so that wouldn't work, and i know it's not really about the money... i just tell myself that that is what it's all about
i don't get it ... i just don't get it.. to throw everything we have away, well heh we might not have a lot of stuff, and i don't have as much money as her or a house... but we have true love, LOVE
TRUE FUCKING LOVE.... somehting 95 percent of the people in this world can't even imagine or dream about.
I see everything in this house, everything reminds me of him,
he's givin me so much, even things i can touch and feel and look at, others inbeded in my heart my mind, memories,
objects as small as a little bottle of orange jam from my birthday getaway to a fucking halloween tree that lights up black and purple sitting in the middle of my room.
i have everything from the quark that was from the first bottle of wine we opened on a cold, snowing night, when we were hiding in the middle of
mendon ponds untill 6 in the morning... and me waking up to take my math exam.... to every note he gave me, the love notes, the note from the first time he told me he loved me, to the note from when he left when my parents went away to florida for the first time back in february, everything he gives me is a treasure, i even have his phone number that he wrote down for me last year when we first met.
I'll never be able to look at them again, or touch them or read them, i can barly do it now, cause everytime i do i just start.... i don't think my eyes have been dry in about 4 weeks...
my life and my love was ripped and is slowly being taken away form me
everything i knew, everthing i thought i knew was challenged.....
and the reason he thinks i would leave him in a few years is the exact reason i fell in love with him and will always love him.
i'll never be able to enjoy the stars again.... their just a constant reminder, all the moemories. all the time spent.... everything..i ..i..
i just want him to give us a chance and to let me love him....and i'll i ask for in return is his love...
i want it to go away,
i hurt because i love (is it supposed to be this painful?)
i can honestly say, well i think
(think being the key word)
that i haven't done anything wrong.
Please just tell me it's over!! please!!
it's almost like sitting here waiting for the dagger that has already so painfully pierced your skin
just asking and begging for them to just shove it into my heart and kill me already
i'm waiting and waiting (and too much of a fucking coward to end it myself... ohhhh it's because i LOVE HIM)
I'm so confused, how could you choose comfortable over love???
how is that possible?
Yes you'll be comfortable but but but... to be in a loveless relationship, always wondering what could have been, choosing comfortable rather than being with the one person that you've never felt like this about... people only dream about this... this only happens in fairy tales.... and you're telling me you'll give this all up because you don't want to sell your boat... or possibly work more... ( i know it's more than that)
i get the money problem... but people make it work all the time, everyday... i think if you're willing you'll make it work
if you're not willing ...well then thats another thing, and maybe i should be told and then i won't think you love me as much as you say you do and it will be easier to get over you
even if you did tell me, i know it would be a lie, so that wouldn't work, and i know it's not really about the money... i just tell myself that that is what it's all about
i don't get it ... i just don't get it.. to throw everything we have away, well heh we might not have a lot of stuff, and i don't have as much money as her or a house... but we have true love, LOVE
TRUE FUCKING LOVE.... somehting 95 percent of the people in this world can't even imagine or dream about.
I see everything in this house, everything reminds me of him,
he's givin me so much, even things i can touch and feel and look at, others inbeded in my heart my mind, memories,
objects as small as a little bottle of orange jam from my birthday getaway to a fucking halloween tree that lights up black and purple sitting in the middle of my room.
i have everything from the quark that was from the first bottle of wine we opened on a cold, snowing night, when we were hiding in the middle of
mendon ponds untill 6 in the morning... and me waking up to take my math exam.... to every note he gave me, the love notes, the note from the first time he told me he loved me, to the note from when he left when my parents went away to florida for the first time back in february, everything he gives me is a treasure, i even have his phone number that he wrote down for me last year when we first met.
I'll never be able to look at them again, or touch them or read them, i can barly do it now, cause everytime i do i just start.... i don't think my eyes have been dry in about 4 weeks...
my life and my love was ripped and is slowly being taken away form me
everything i knew, everthing i thought i knew was challenged.....
and the reason he thinks i would leave him in a few years is the exact reason i fell in love with him and will always love him.
i'll never be able to enjoy the stars again.... their just a constant reminder, all the moemories. all the time spent.... everything..i ..i..
i just want him to give us a chance and to let me love him....and i'll i ask for in return is his love...