rump shakin' both wayss
stac, trav, keegan, & i went bowling tonight muchh funn (: stac i freaking love you dear we have the greatest times the guys were all massive and pro with their bowling haha when we kinda sucked but its all good i was upset/felt like an ass though cause i went to get a medium dr. pepper and it was really loud and the lady tried to tell me something about a quarter so i just didnt pay attention when i later founf out that i could of gotten a small for only a quarter im a dumbass, but its all good we left around 11 & trav droped me off i watched the finale of kept and she picked seth i was pretty stoaked cause he was a real person he wasnt all stuck up and model like so that made me happy
tomorrow is going to consist of packing and just getting everything all planned out since we are going to the beach sunday then saturday we have to go to the family reunion and go to wal-mart and get all of our supplies haha i know im weird but im sooo excited just to even pack i havnt been to the beach in forever and i really want to get out of altoona & plus when we get back it will only be two more weeks untill school, i cant freaking wait until school starts i am so bored i know by the end of the week i'll be wishing it was summer again but o well thats me
i have been really trying not to be so self concious and down on myself lately and try to be myself, i mean i usually am myself but not care as much as to what other people think and try and make others happy im also a hypocrit i am an advocate of not letting people walk all over you but it seems like i have been kind of doing that lately and not speaking my mind i always just try to avoid the situation and just pretend nothings wrong and just be like o well i'll get over it, this summer i have had a lot of people notice/tell me that i am very self concious and that i care too much about what people think and all i do is think about others and go "well they probably think im weird for doing that, so i just wont do it" instead of being myself, which i may be weird and annoying to others but im trying to just not give a fuck as much as possible i dont know if i will ever change but i hope i will
being around certain people has given me this effect to be myself and feel good about myself but when im around another certain group of people i feel horrible about myself and all my confidence just leaves its weird you shouldnt have to feel bad about yourself when your around "friends" and some people may think that i am wrong and its my fault that i feel this way and its all in my head but its not i shouldnt ever have to feel bad about myself and there is obviously a reason why when i am with people that make me feel that way and its not my fault right now i am trying to build up my confidence and get stability i mean when i am truly confident im sure i wont feel this way to anyone and i will be able to be myself and feel good about it and not have to compare myself i just have to learn to like myself and that is going to be my goal this year and try to surround my self with as many positive people i can at the moment i know all this sounds really stupid and cheesy but thats me and thats the truth i mean my eyes were really opened this summer and i have found out a lot of things about myself and just that has boosted my confidence because now i know whats wrong and what i need to fix
hmm before i go any deeper i think its wise for me to just get off and go to bed (: