despair. and eyeballs. opinion sought. sleep needed.
there is stuff cooking i should pay attention to, and since that's not even what's gonna be for supper this eve I should go make supper. but I don't want to move. i'm so fucking tired no - weary - bone weary of everything I just want to curl up in my coat and never move again.
my mother wanted to help with supper. since it was either say 'okay' or have her cry for another hour i gave her a blunt knife and a mushroom and told her to chop it up. i then ended up sobbing in a corner as my mother blithely and with great concentration squished a mushroom about and prodded repeatedly at the counter top like she was trying to put stitches in it. that was just kinda the crowning achievement to a long day.
i'm trying to find things to cheer myself up with but i don't have the energy. i just keep circling back to 'i'm sure there was a good reason for why i stopped trying to jugulate myself, fucked if i know what it is though'.
other than curling up and not moving ever the only thing my neurons are playing with are these - false eyeballs in shiny red - http://www.fashion-contactlenses.com/red-diamonds-crystaleyes-cosmetic-lenses-1673-0.html - and i'm trying to remind myself I have no money and plenty of other false eyeballs besides and don't need them for White Mischief. do people think they're shiny?
i really should move and stop the thing on the stove exploding.
my mother wanted to help with supper. since it was either say 'okay' or have her cry for another hour i gave her a blunt knife and a mushroom and told her to chop it up. i then ended up sobbing in a corner as my mother blithely and with great concentration squished a mushroom about and prodded repeatedly at the counter top like she was trying to put stitches in it. that was just kinda the crowning achievement to a long day.
i'm trying to find things to cheer myself up with but i don't have the energy. i just keep circling back to 'i'm sure there was a good reason for why i stopped trying to jugulate myself, fucked if i know what it is though'.
other than curling up and not moving ever the only thing my neurons are playing with are these - false eyeballs in shiny red - http://www.fashion-contactlenses.com/red-diamonds-crystaleyes-cosmetic-lenses-1673-0.html - and i'm trying to remind myself I have no money and plenty of other false eyeballs besides and don't need them for White Mischief. do people think they're shiny?
i really should move and stop the thing on the stove exploding.