Ad_dic_tion [uh-dik-shuhn]
Addiction
-noun
1 The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
2 A great interest in something to which a lot of time is devoted.
Origin: 1595-1605; < L addicti_n- (s. of addicti_) a giving over, surrender.
A while back my sister was mentioning something to do with AA and the like and brought up the phrase ‘functioning addict’. It was a phrase that denoted someone who had an addiction to something but it was not an addiction they had allowed free reign, ie, they still got up in the morning, lived their life, got to work on time and all the rest.
She said that my father was in such terms a functioning alcoholic because he always had a glass of wine in the evening with his supper and often a second glass after, and she couldn't imagine him ever going without.
I was… perturbed.
Mostly I was perturbed by the trait I have noted in the AA culture to term anything and everything they can as an addiction that must be owned up to and worried about in some way. This in turn lead me to consider why some things were labled ‘an addiction’ whilst others were not, and whether I felt they ought to be. Also the attitude of society as a whole to various habits. So, here, because I’m in a slightly peculiar and facetious mood, is a list of Corvidic addictions, or at least those that came to mind...
1. Tea (psychological, phisilogical, functioning).
I am not only psychologically but also physically addicted to tea. It’s unthinkable for me (unless I’ve just drained a cup) to refuse the offer of tea. I know that if I don’t have at least one cup in 24hours I will have a migrane the next day that not even a full pack of neurofen will cure. However, I find the idea of standing up and saying ‘Hi, I’m Raven, I’m addicted to tea...’ to be not only demeaning but ridiculous. (Which, obviously, is typical addict behaviour.)
2. Alcohol/Cigarettes (psychological, functioning).
This is a slightly more contentious one. Honestly, if someone said ‘you have to go a month without either smoking or drinking’ I’d be less than pleased and do my best to wriggle out of such an arrangement. On the other hand, were I to actually embark upon such an undertaking it wouldn’t be that difficult. It’s more an acute reluctance to give up something I enjoy when I indulge in it. Yes, there have been times in my life when I’ve used either cigarettes or alcohol as something to banish discomfort - used them to excess in fact. But I question the wisdom of defining either as ‘an addiction’ when that would, I think, cause far more issues than just partaking in the damn things in the first place.
3. The act of artistic creation (psychological, non-functioning).
I am addicted to making art in one form or another. Without art I lose all sense of self, all meaning, all purpose. I get depressed and ratty and become even more of a self-pitying and unbearable bitch than I am in the everyday sense. I can think of nothing that would fill the vast bleeding chasm my life would become were someone to say ‘you cannot create’ and don’t even want to try. I go on artistic benders that last a week or longer and have me up til four am every night, my neurons barely able to form a coherent sentense if it isn’t linked to whatever it is I’m drowning in. I jolt myself with cheap shitty art when I write snippets of meaningless fic - I'm not that proud, I'll take what I can get, okay? I’ve read of people far worse off than I and of the hells they suffered in, but I know that doesn't excuse what I do. My addiction is nothing to theirs, but still, if you told me it might kill me one of these days I wouldn’t be that surprised. Somehow I doubt there’s an AA for this. And if there is I’d rather fire-bomb it than attend.
4. Self harm (psychological, functioning/non-functioning).
Well, it’s a functioning addiction up until the point where I do it and then it gets non-functioning pretty damn fast. And since I do it to curtail mental trauma, its ceasation would cause a goodly amount of mental trauma. Could I give it up? Probably - although it wouldn’t be easy. Do I think that game of abstinence is worth the candle? Nope. So until such time as I have to stop, I will continue to have occasionally bloody wrists and a grovling need to appologise to whoever’s carpet I’ve just ruined.
4. Laudanum (hypothetical).
I don’t have any. But if I did, I know I’d be utterly addicted to it. *whistful sigh*
5. Fantasy - especially pertaining to the wearing of masks (psychological, functioning-ish).
Yeah, okay, so it’s a habit. I couldn’t tell you when it started - probably when I was about 15 - I blame the art, I really do. I mean, it was my fault too, I know that. But it was the art that got me started. Pretending to be someone else. Wearing the clothes, walking the walk, talking the talk - or trying to anyway. I’m pathetic, I know. I mean, when you’re in a pub conversing with strangers and trying to convince them you’re from Valdosta and born in 1850, when you’re skipping meals or have been up ‘til 3am trying to get the right shade of dye so it looks like blood or are on public transport and people are threatening to call an ambulance because they’re sure you have TB and are dying... I mean, it’s pretty clear to see you’ve got a problem, right? Yeah. Fantasy - just say no, kids, it’ll fuck you up every time.
5. Breathing (physiological, non-functioning).
I’ve tried to give it up. Really I have. It’s carcinogenic, I know. And I know I breathe too much - inhaling when I don’t have to. I know it’s not even an enjoyment any more, just a habit, and a chronic one at that. I don’t even have to think about it, just expand my lungs and -oh, fuck me, there I go again- another breath. One of these day’s I’ll stop, I swear, okay, I’m not just saying that, but for now just leave me to it, okay? I mean it’s not like I’m harming anyone else, is it? Shuttup, I don’t want to talk about it.
What about you lot? Come on, you're among friends. It's okay, I know you're nervous, just stand up - be brave - say your name and admit why you're here...
"I'm not livin' a lie while you swim in denial
'Cause you're already dead and gone
You leave me out on the curb just like everyone else before you -
Welcome to my world..."
-noun
1 The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
2 A great interest in something to which a lot of time is devoted.
Origin: 1595-1605; < L addicti_n- (s. of addicti_) a giving over, surrender.
A while back my sister was mentioning something to do with AA and the like and brought up the phrase ‘functioning addict’. It was a phrase that denoted someone who had an addiction to something but it was not an addiction they had allowed free reign, ie, they still got up in the morning, lived their life, got to work on time and all the rest.
She said that my father was in such terms a functioning alcoholic because he always had a glass of wine in the evening with his supper and often a second glass after, and she couldn't imagine him ever going without.
I was… perturbed.
Mostly I was perturbed by the trait I have noted in the AA culture to term anything and everything they can as an addiction that must be owned up to and worried about in some way. This in turn lead me to consider why some things were labled ‘an addiction’ whilst others were not, and whether I felt they ought to be. Also the attitude of society as a whole to various habits. So, here, because I’m in a slightly peculiar and facetious mood, is a list of Corvidic addictions, or at least those that came to mind...
1. Tea (psychological, phisilogical, functioning).
I am not only psychologically but also physically addicted to tea. It’s unthinkable for me (unless I’ve just drained a cup) to refuse the offer of tea. I know that if I don’t have at least one cup in 24hours I will have a migrane the next day that not even a full pack of neurofen will cure. However, I find the idea of standing up and saying ‘Hi, I’m Raven, I’m addicted to tea...’ to be not only demeaning but ridiculous. (Which, obviously, is typical addict behaviour.)
2. Alcohol/Cigarettes (psychological, functioning).
This is a slightly more contentious one. Honestly, if someone said ‘you have to go a month without either smoking or drinking’ I’d be less than pleased and do my best to wriggle out of such an arrangement. On the other hand, were I to actually embark upon such an undertaking it wouldn’t be that difficult. It’s more an acute reluctance to give up something I enjoy when I indulge in it. Yes, there have been times in my life when I’ve used either cigarettes or alcohol as something to banish discomfort - used them to excess in fact. But I question the wisdom of defining either as ‘an addiction’ when that would, I think, cause far more issues than just partaking in the damn things in the first place.
3. The act of artistic creation (psychological, non-functioning).
I am addicted to making art in one form or another. Without art I lose all sense of self, all meaning, all purpose. I get depressed and ratty and become even more of a self-pitying and unbearable bitch than I am in the everyday sense. I can think of nothing that would fill the vast bleeding chasm my life would become were someone to say ‘you cannot create’ and don’t even want to try. I go on artistic benders that last a week or longer and have me up til four am every night, my neurons barely able to form a coherent sentense if it isn’t linked to whatever it is I’m drowning in. I jolt myself with cheap shitty art when I write snippets of meaningless fic - I'm not that proud, I'll take what I can get, okay? I’ve read of people far worse off than I and of the hells they suffered in, but I know that doesn't excuse what I do. My addiction is nothing to theirs, but still, if you told me it might kill me one of these days I wouldn’t be that surprised. Somehow I doubt there’s an AA for this. And if there is I’d rather fire-bomb it than attend.
4. Self harm (psychological, functioning/non-functioning).
Well, it’s a functioning addiction up until the point where I do it and then it gets non-functioning pretty damn fast. And since I do it to curtail mental trauma, its ceasation would cause a goodly amount of mental trauma. Could I give it up? Probably - although it wouldn’t be easy. Do I think that game of abstinence is worth the candle? Nope. So until such time as I have to stop, I will continue to have occasionally bloody wrists and a grovling need to appologise to whoever’s carpet I’ve just ruined.
4. Laudanum (hypothetical).
I don’t have any. But if I did, I know I’d be utterly addicted to it. *whistful sigh*
5. Fantasy - especially pertaining to the wearing of masks (psychological, functioning-ish).
Yeah, okay, so it’s a habit. I couldn’t tell you when it started - probably when I was about 15 - I blame the art, I really do. I mean, it was my fault too, I know that. But it was the art that got me started. Pretending to be someone else. Wearing the clothes, walking the walk, talking the talk - or trying to anyway. I’m pathetic, I know. I mean, when you’re in a pub conversing with strangers and trying to convince them you’re from Valdosta and born in 1850, when you’re skipping meals or have been up ‘til 3am trying to get the right shade of dye so it looks like blood or are on public transport and people are threatening to call an ambulance because they’re sure you have TB and are dying... I mean, it’s pretty clear to see you’ve got a problem, right? Yeah. Fantasy - just say no, kids, it’ll fuck you up every time.
5. Breathing (physiological, non-functioning).
I’ve tried to give it up. Really I have. It’s carcinogenic, I know. And I know I breathe too much - inhaling when I don’t have to. I know it’s not even an enjoyment any more, just a habit, and a chronic one at that. I don’t even have to think about it, just expand my lungs and -oh, fuck me, there I go again- another breath. One of these day’s I’ll stop, I swear, okay, I’m not just saying that, but for now just leave me to it, okay? I mean it’s not like I’m harming anyone else, is it? Shuttup, I don’t want to talk about it.
What about you lot? Come on, you're among friends. It's okay, I know you're nervous, just stand up - be brave - say your name and admit why you're here...
"I'm not livin' a lie while you swim in denial
'Cause you're already dead and gone
You leave me out on the curb just like everyone else before you -
Welcome to my world..."