"What I relate is hard to bear...
...I only endure it so that I might spare
You ladies - I'm not known for
My good advice - but -
Gentlemen aren't nice."
So.
One last conversation that reminds one why one ever loved... and yet makes one so perfectly aware of how one no longer belongs in their world.
Fucking wonderful.
===
I wish I could care less.
Embrace them with good cheer instead of want to snarl should they touch me because I still am reminded of the hurt of a month of silent fastidious total unexplained avoidance.
I want to be gracious-hearted.
But if I am, I will only remember that they pained me greatly... and despite that I will miss them anyway... If I keep them at arms length, I remember nothing. Better, in the circumstances I think. And they have demonstrated they are perfectly free of me at any rate, so where is the merit of my missing them?
They're leaving and I understand they want to smoothe things over - want to leave things as neat as they can because it's good manners if nothing else and at the 13th hour they have apparently remembered their manners. But things take their toll, and I cannot stomach manners now.
I am off-hand and depart with few pleasantries. Four years plus ends in 'Take care of yourself' and a silent, bland look that says 'why the fuck should I? and what do you care anyway?'
All of which is... bleak and depressing. But apparently that's how it is.
You ladies - I'm not known for
My good advice - but -
Gentlemen aren't nice."
So.
One last conversation that reminds one why one ever loved... and yet makes one so perfectly aware of how one no longer belongs in their world.
Fucking wonderful.
===
I wish I could care less.
Embrace them with good cheer instead of want to snarl should they touch me because I still am reminded of the hurt of a month of silent fastidious total unexplained avoidance.
I want to be gracious-hearted.
But if I am, I will only remember that they pained me greatly... and despite that I will miss them anyway... If I keep them at arms length, I remember nothing. Better, in the circumstances I think. And they have demonstrated they are perfectly free of me at any rate, so where is the merit of my missing them?
They're leaving and I understand they want to smoothe things over - want to leave things as neat as they can because it's good manners if nothing else and at the 13th hour they have apparently remembered their manners. But things take their toll, and I cannot stomach manners now.
I am off-hand and depart with few pleasantries. Four years plus ends in 'Take care of yourself' and a silent, bland look that says 'why the fuck should I? and what do you care anyway?'
All of which is... bleak and depressing. But apparently that's how it is.