(no subject)
Had a shiny day of cooking pate and game stew with Jez and of chatting and pokking his back in the kitchen.
Suddenly got very depressed in the eve after heading 'Unwell' by Matchbox 20 and seeing Ginnie's sister who is cool and shiny and rather like Baz but has all her joints and things fekked due to bad genetics and is in constant pain. Watching her and everyone be happy and social and together made my neurons feel very pathetically broken and as if they were not good enough to be included. Stupid neurons.
Went for a walk with Jez and was told he loved me and we were handfasted with invisi-ribbon by the light of the moon. (Do I love him? Hard to tell, I am wary of this word 'love' and have been for years. But I care for him a lot, I think of him often and wish him happiness, enjoy his company, want to be with him and stay with him. Does that count?) Yes, moonlit invisistring handfasting is silly, yes the whole thing seems unlikely somehow but there we are - it certainly cheered my neurons up.
Back in the kitchen when everyone else had gone to bed there was discussion of morals and I tried to translate the neurons behind Jez's eyes a lot. I've mentioned previously they are usually warm and solar-flare like, occasionally obsidian glass. Sometimes when looking at me they are quiet, like a stilled sun. Tonight I got to see them as black fire - not flint like and blankly black, but burning dark and fathomless like the heart of a star.
i'm probably being overly poetic, but none the less that's what i saw. And then they tried to make my mind ignight and i had to spend willpower - rather a lot.
Suddenly got very depressed in the eve after heading 'Unwell' by Matchbox 20 and seeing Ginnie's sister who is cool and shiny and rather like Baz but has all her joints and things fekked due to bad genetics and is in constant pain. Watching her and everyone be happy and social and together made my neurons feel very pathetically broken and as if they were not good enough to be included. Stupid neurons.
Went for a walk with Jez and was told he loved me and we were handfasted with invisi-ribbon by the light of the moon. (Do I love him? Hard to tell, I am wary of this word 'love' and have been for years. But I care for him a lot, I think of him often and wish him happiness, enjoy his company, want to be with him and stay with him. Does that count?) Yes, moonlit invisistring handfasting is silly, yes the whole thing seems unlikely somehow but there we are - it certainly cheered my neurons up.
Back in the kitchen when everyone else had gone to bed there was discussion of morals and I tried to translate the neurons behind Jez's eyes a lot. I've mentioned previously they are usually warm and solar-flare like, occasionally obsidian glass. Sometimes when looking at me they are quiet, like a stilled sun. Tonight I got to see them as black fire - not flint like and blankly black, but burning dark and fathomless like the heart of a star.
i'm probably being overly poetic, but none the less that's what i saw. And then they tried to make my mind ignight and i had to spend willpower - rather a lot.