Fic: Ambitions
Title: Ambitions
Author: wraithkeeper
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: none
Spoilers: none
Word Count: ~1,000
Notes/Warnings: contains child abuse (non-explicit). Pre-series.
Disclaimer: White Collar and its characters don't belong to me.
Summary: When Neal Caffrey was growing up, he had many ambitions for his life. "Thief" was never one of them.
When Neal Caffrey grew up, he wanted to be a banker, just like his daddy. He wanted to wear fancy suits and live in a big house and drive a fast car, just like his daddy. He didn’t know exactly what a banker did, but he knew that every morning a banker got to ruffle his son’s hair and kiss him on the forehead when he said goodbye to leave for work. He knew that bankers, when their son asked “What are you gonna do today, Daddy?” replied back “I’m going to go make some money.” He knew that bankers had to be away from home all day, but that when they got home at night, the first thing they did was scoop their son into their arms and give him a giant, warm hug that never seemed to end. He knew that when their son asked “Did you make money today, Daddy?” bankers answered back “I sure did, Sport.” He also knew that bankers loved to kiss their wives and dance around the kitchen even when there was no music playing. They loved to play wrestle with their son and get in tickle fights with him, but that they always let their son win. When Neal Caffrey was four years old, he knew that he wanted to be a banker, because bankers loved their families and everyone loved bankers.
When Neal Caffrey grew up, he wanted to own a casino. He had never been inside of a casino, but he knew that they had pretty flashing lights on their signs and the sound of cheery music and coins coming from inside when the door opened. He also knew that they smelled of bad things like smoke and alcohol, but that it would be worth the bad smells because everyone would want to come visit him if he owned a casino. He knew that casinos were the places that people’s daddies went to when they didn’t want to be at home anymore. He knew that if he owned a casino, his Daddy would want to come and see him after work again. If he owned a casino, his Daddy would want to hug him and play with him again. When Neal Caffrey was six years old, he wanted to own a casino, because casinos were where you could find the daddies who didn’t like their sons any more.
When Neal Caffrey grew up, he wanted to be a salesman. He wanted to be the kind of man who could show up at someone’s door and charm his way in. He knew that salesmen were the kind of men women wanted to marry. When Neal Caffrey was eight years old, he wanted to be a salesman, because they were the ones mommies left with when they didn’t love their husbands or sons any more.
When Neal Caffrey grew up, he wanted to be a jockey. He wanted to spend the rest of his life at the racetracks, because that’s where boys could stand next to their dads and cheer together for the horse that would make them some money. He knew that for two minutes while the horses were racing, nobody took their eyes off of those jockeys and their mounts. If he was a jockey, then for two minutes straight everybody would be looking at him. When Neal Caffrey was ten years old, he wanted to be a jockey, because for the two minutes that he was racing to victory, his Dad would be paying attention only to him.
When Neal Caffrey grew up, he wanted to take bets at the racetrack. If he were the man taking bets, he could let little boys know which horse to bet on, so that they wouldn’t pick the wrong one. He could tell the little boys, when their dads told them to pick the horse that would make them some money, which horse would win the race so that their dads would be proud of them for picking the right one. He would tell the little boys never to pick a horse because you liked its name, because those horses were worthless pieces of shit, just like little boys were when they got things wrong. If Neal took the bets, he could make sure that the little boys didn’t pick a worthless horse that would make them cry when they lost, because dads hate little boys who cry. When Neal Caffrey was ten years old, he wanted to take bets at the racetrack, because he would never let a little boy pick the wrong horse and have to go home with a black eye.
When Neal Caffrey grew up, he wanted to be a soldier. He wanted to be the kind of man who was strong enough to never back down. Soldiers knew how to fight, and they could stand up to their enemy, no matter who it was. A soldier would never flinch at the sound of the front door opening or their father’s voice. A soldier would certainly never let someone hurt him and do nothing to stop it. When Neal Caffrey was twelve years old, he wanted to be a soldier, because soldiers weren’t afraid.
When Neal Caffrey grew up, he wanted to be an artist. If he were an artist, he could lock himself in his room for hours and lose himself in whatever world he wanted to create. Artists could control everything that went into their paintings. If an artist didn’t want something in his painting, he simply didn’t paint it in. When Neal Caffrey was fourteen years old, he wanted to be an artist, because artists had control.
When Neal Caffrey grew up, he didn’t want to be like his father. He knew he had to get away to do this, so he did. He stole three cars, crossed four state lines, and didn’t know how many laws he broke, but he got away. With nothing but the clothes on his back and his sketchbook under his arm, he faced a new day, a new city, and a new life. He had only one ambition for this life. When Neal Caffrey was sixteen years old, he wanted to be the kind of man who would never hurt someone he loved.