44
44 is a big number somehow. Today, I just feel old. I remember being excited about birthdays and cake and a party, but I guess that kind of stuff goes away when you're a grownup - you save it for the kidlets. However, tobight I will have a nice dinner at home with my family; my Mom is coming to visit as well. Tomorrow, GMajor is taking me to see Dangerous Liaisons and probably lunch at Raja, which will be ridiculously yummy. Indian food is so completely indulgent. I adore it.
Somehow our traditional breakfast in bed on birthdays didn't happen. GMajor did take my 6 am dog-walking duty, which was lovely. But then somehow the time ran away from us and we had to pack lunch, get showered, get to school and here we are. I was supposed to meet a friend for a walk this morning, but her little one has a cold, so that's postponed. Maybe GMajor and I will head to Balzac's later for a latte and a muffin. They have the best muffins there. So, so good.
I'm trying not to be too sad today, but it's hard not to remember that there is one card I'm not going to find in the mail, one call that's not going to come, and, of course, no present. My Dad is not going to be at this birthday. And since my stepmother has pretty much disappeared, I guess she's not going to be around for this one either. One year ago today, at 3 pm at Kingston General Hospital, my Dad died. Most of use feel that he chose this day deliberately, to make sure he would never be forgotten. I don't think there would ever have been a chance of that. And even though, as my stepmother unkindly reminded me, I didn't see him much more than twice a year, I spoke to him and e-mailed him often. And I miss him a lot. He was my go to guy for money advice, construction advice and just chatting about life and interesting things in general. Now, I am without this advice and I feel like I'm been flung into the grownup deep end. I just have to flail around and figure things out on my own now. I know I'll muddle through somehow, but there's a big empty spot and it feels very lonely.
Somehow our traditional breakfast in bed on birthdays didn't happen. GMajor did take my 6 am dog-walking duty, which was lovely. But then somehow the time ran away from us and we had to pack lunch, get showered, get to school and here we are. I was supposed to meet a friend for a walk this morning, but her little one has a cold, so that's postponed. Maybe GMajor and I will head to Balzac's later for a latte and a muffin. They have the best muffins there. So, so good.
I'm trying not to be too sad today, but it's hard not to remember that there is one card I'm not going to find in the mail, one call that's not going to come, and, of course, no present. My Dad is not going to be at this birthday. And since my stepmother has pretty much disappeared, I guess she's not going to be around for this one either. One year ago today, at 3 pm at Kingston General Hospital, my Dad died. Most of use feel that he chose this day deliberately, to make sure he would never be forgotten. I don't think there would ever have been a chance of that. And even though, as my stepmother unkindly reminded me, I didn't see him much more than twice a year, I spoke to him and e-mailed him often. And I miss him a lot. He was my go to guy for money advice, construction advice and just chatting about life and interesting things in general. Now, I am without this advice and I feel like I'm been flung into the grownup deep end. I just have to flail around and figure things out on my own now. I know I'll muddle through somehow, but there's a big empty spot and it feels very lonely.