The gym, boys, and God
New classes have been pretty demanding, so i've been going ot the gym to relieve stress. Tonight, I had two hours of "Quick! What do i do for fun!" So i wanted to make the most of it. When i came home, my floormates's boyfriend was over arranging a suprise bouquet of roses for her. I thougth that was so sweet, and I told him so. It made me smile. He is such a doting boyfriend. He does this kind of stuff all the time, even though they have already been dating for a while. No special occasion either. So, I figured, "I've got to get myself a man like that," and so, in order to look good enough to attract one (my floormate's quite pretty), damnit i'm going to the gym!
I was dead tired, but I thought it would be in my best interests. It was good to go then, because while I was there, I was suprised to see a very attractive guy working out who looked within my dating-age range. I giggled a little and sort of glanced at him behind his back a few times. Granted, i have no idea what this person is like, but I wondered to myself. What would happen if we met? How can you meet a person at a gym? Does he have a girlfriend? It was at least entertaining while I was struggling on the treadmill. Anyhow, he got on the treadmill two away from me... then got off at the same time... then he didn't leave, but he went to lift. I lift after running too, so we passed each other a few times. I tried to act normal and not make eye contact, but I know he looked at me a few times. Well, at the very end, we did make eye contact. It was only for a split second. I quickly smiled. He did not and looked away as he went by.
Ow. My ego.
It's true I have no idea why he did that. Could be girlfriend, could be gay, or maybe I'm just the only frigg'n hideous 30-year old dog of a woman in there. Damnit! XP It totally sucks having to work out among 18 to 22 year olds and their dynamite bodies. Plus they ALL have better hair than me. God, you've given me a lot of things, but why no hair??? *smacks head on desk*
Well, I suppose if I were pretty, I would have grown up spoiled... probably wouldn't have bean beaten by my father... Nah, scratch that. There's no way I could have grown up spoiled having grown up in the fucked up family I did. Only mom ever made it a home, and even she was driven to madness by lack of love. She was the only one who ever congratulated me on my educational sucess. She emphasized it to me hundreds of times, so I did my best. It was a sure-fire way to make her proud. Dad never glanced my direction growing up, and when i got accepted to an Ivy League school, he kept telling me not to go there. Three times i got accepted, and three times he told me not to go! What the HELL was I working for all my life!!
Ok, here is where I have to stop or I begin a downward spiral. God takes care of me now, and I've never had a better family. In fact, i've been meaning to write about this, but I have finally made the leap to having faith! XD *bows* Thank you. Thank you. And it WAS a frigg'n miracle for me. I'm sure you want to know how a die-hard scientist and atheist like me did it, eh? Alright.... I'll try to make this quick. Hmm, well, several factors are involved, but I think the main one is this. Based on everything I know about God, I love him. I agree with His/Her/God's rules (darn imperfect human language). There wasn't a single thing Jesus was recored as saying that I disagree with. Weird right? Ok, so the other part is, I do not want to be destroyed. Death? Sure, it's going to happen. Believe me, I've seen it. As it stands now, or rather "stood," I knew that at my death, it was gonna be all over. Either hell or oblivion was mine. So... I will never "know" if God exists or not, but I can "trust" that God does. I can trust God to save my soul and govern my spiritual development during life. ...teach me the way to be, etc. There are concepts beyond human comprehension. I am convinced this subject is one of them. Maybe Einstein couldn't even have grasped it, to explain a God existing and souls and whatnot. The great thing, for me, is that it is not fear that makes me trust/have this faith. It's love. I would despise making any decision based on cowardice. I know it's hard for many people do keep that kind of honor in extreem situations, but so far, i have. ...and I've been though some pretty scary stuff so far.
So, I look at the whole story of Jesus with newfound awe. I think this guy really did exist, and holy crap... I wish the Bible wasn't written by imperfect humans, but it's all we have to go on. I'll have to believe what it says, except for obviously misunderstood stuff such as magic and whatnot. *shrug* The message has got to be still true. I feel that it is.
I was dead tired, but I thought it would be in my best interests. It was good to go then, because while I was there, I was suprised to see a very attractive guy working out who looked within my dating-age range. I giggled a little and sort of glanced at him behind his back a few times. Granted, i have no idea what this person is like, but I wondered to myself. What would happen if we met? How can you meet a person at a gym? Does he have a girlfriend? It was at least entertaining while I was struggling on the treadmill. Anyhow, he got on the treadmill two away from me... then got off at the same time... then he didn't leave, but he went to lift. I lift after running too, so we passed each other a few times. I tried to act normal and not make eye contact, but I know he looked at me a few times. Well, at the very end, we did make eye contact. It was only for a split second. I quickly smiled. He did not and looked away as he went by.
Ow. My ego.
It's true I have no idea why he did that. Could be girlfriend, could be gay, or maybe I'm just the only frigg'n hideous 30-year old dog of a woman in there. Damnit! XP It totally sucks having to work out among 18 to 22 year olds and their dynamite bodies. Plus they ALL have better hair than me. God, you've given me a lot of things, but why no hair??? *smacks head on desk*
Well, I suppose if I were pretty, I would have grown up spoiled... probably wouldn't have bean beaten by my father... Nah, scratch that. There's no way I could have grown up spoiled having grown up in the fucked up family I did. Only mom ever made it a home, and even she was driven to madness by lack of love. She was the only one who ever congratulated me on my educational sucess. She emphasized it to me hundreds of times, so I did my best. It was a sure-fire way to make her proud. Dad never glanced my direction growing up, and when i got accepted to an Ivy League school, he kept telling me not to go there. Three times i got accepted, and three times he told me not to go! What the HELL was I working for all my life!!
Ok, here is where I have to stop or I begin a downward spiral. God takes care of me now, and I've never had a better family. In fact, i've been meaning to write about this, but I have finally made the leap to having faith! XD *bows* Thank you. Thank you. And it WAS a frigg'n miracle for me. I'm sure you want to know how a die-hard scientist and atheist like me did it, eh? Alright.... I'll try to make this quick. Hmm, well, several factors are involved, but I think the main one is this. Based on everything I know about God, I love him. I agree with His/Her/God's rules (darn imperfect human language). There wasn't a single thing Jesus was recored as saying that I disagree with. Weird right? Ok, so the other part is, I do not want to be destroyed. Death? Sure, it's going to happen. Believe me, I've seen it. As it stands now, or rather "stood," I knew that at my death, it was gonna be all over. Either hell or oblivion was mine. So... I will never "know" if God exists or not, but I can "trust" that God does. I can trust God to save my soul and govern my spiritual development during life. ...teach me the way to be, etc. There are concepts beyond human comprehension. I am convinced this subject is one of them. Maybe Einstein couldn't even have grasped it, to explain a God existing and souls and whatnot. The great thing, for me, is that it is not fear that makes me trust/have this faith. It's love. I would despise making any decision based on cowardice. I know it's hard for many people do keep that kind of honor in extreem situations, but so far, i have. ...and I've been though some pretty scary stuff so far.
So, I look at the whole story of Jesus with newfound awe. I think this guy really did exist, and holy crap... I wish the Bible wasn't written by imperfect humans, but it's all we have to go on. I'll have to believe what it says, except for obviously misunderstood stuff such as magic and whatnot. *shrug* The message has got to be still true. I feel that it is.