05:30.
Title: 05:30.
Genre: G.
Pairing: Yoona/Jessica; Yoona centric.
Word count: 7096.
Summary: Fragments of moments.
A/N: I promised something to someone months ago and I just had to post it today without proof-freading.
Happy birthday, my love. <3
[(C l i c k m e)]
There were times Yoona could not sleep at night.
She would lay on her back, toss around the bed, wrap her blankets closer until the sheets were crinkled under her pulling grasps, her eyes shut close but restless, before she would feel guilty of hearing Yuri stir in her sleep, so she would walk in their living room to sit before the huge LED screen on the white ledge.
It was usually very quiet, the harsh schedules knocking down most of the girls by their last appointment of the day (Sunny passed out immediately after their van started to move and was just awaken to be dragged inside their dorm) and she would always low down the volume until it was as silent as a soft murmur of figures on the screen because the others deserved their needed rest.
It was just a distraction, really, the re-runs of shows also keeping her up with the news (though their profession gave them the luxury--or the curse, it varied by chances--to know a lot behind the closed doors) and mostly enough to calm her mind to finally sleep.
It scarcely worked before being shaken up lightly by small and delicate hands, asking her attention. Yoona would blink, once and then twice, to Jessica's familiar and alertly sharp gaze.
"I warmed you some milk," the calm and low voice would tell her, "Drink it."
It sounded as an order, but Yoona knew the gentleness and care in there. The girl was the type who would not compromise themselves (she had learnt and gained to grow so with all the struggles), they were as they appeared, without hesitations, and incorrect judgments were always fast to come up; but Jessica barely cared by now, or so she showed.
Yoona's tousled hair was brushed away from her face and a warm mug was placed in between her hands before a chaste kiss was placed on the top of her head.
"Take it."
Jessica expectantly looked at her and Yoona remembered then how the blonde was always more alive at nights, resulting to her sleepy face and poor focus (and naps everywhere, every time she would have a chance) all day long. Yoona could not blame her though, insomnia was hard to deal with and Jessica had never been a morning person to begin with.
"Drink now," another urging, demanding, but always with care. "I would drink too, but I'm not like you and I can't have a bloated face for tomorrow's schedule."
Yoona obeyed wordlessly and Jessica sat beside her, a bundle of blankets in small hands.
"It's chilly out here, it's best if we don't catch a cold."
The lukewarm liquid was well-welcomed, filled her stomach with warmth and Jessica deposited the mug to the sink after Yoona was done with it.
"Try to sleep now."
Jessica draped the blankets over Yoona's body limply lying on the big couch before settling down beside her, her shorter arms pulling Yoona's fit body against her own. They were slim enough to fit another member in the plush sit, but Jessica had the fame of disregarding personal spaces and snuggled impossibly closer, their warmth radiating to each other.
"Sleep," Jessica kissed Yoona's head again, "I need you to keep me awake tomorrow."
Jessica's whispered lullaby was soothing and melodious, crawling slowly onto her system, and Yoona drifted to sleep liking how Jessica was always the talkative one when it came to those times. It felt special to have Jessica talk like that, along her typical tendency to show her affections with such tender acts of keeping Yoona locked close in her arms.
There were times when Yoona could not sleep at night, but she had her reason to love them anyway.
•
Sometimes it would get boring and Yoona was the worst in dealing with it.
It was true, they were 9 and with that amount of people under the same roof it was to be expected they could entertain themselves all the times, without even worrying that they would be bored. And yes, they rarely had dull moments but it was mostly because their schedule never gave them enough time to be unproductive and then *bored*.
Sometimes days flickered by them like hours and the crazy daily engagements let go just enough for them to only breathe and nothing else. They breathed business day in and out, essential as air and basic needs.
But then being the frenzy part of their system (their lives consisting of always adjusting, always trying be better, always to stay on top) they grew so used to it they even got bored even in some nick of time, like waiting for the managers to pick them up or that thrilling moment which never dulled before a performance on stage.
Sunny especially disliked it as the pranksters' antics tended to get out of control and they would completely disregard her ill mood for them.
"Stop!" she once yelled, exasperated, "Either you get out my sight now or I'll push you off the stairs!"
Yoona stopped her 'cute' nagging as she nervously backed off, thinking she had gone too far, and that was one of the famous stories they shared on a radio show, amusing the crowd with their violent side.
"Did you really threaten Yoona like that?" the DJ asked and Sunny, being one as well, just nodded. Yoona feigned her scared whimpers.
"I haven't done anything wrong!" her voiced was compressed as much as possible, sounding annoyingly as a whiney kid. "I was just talking and she didn't like it~"
Sunny's darkening expression made Yoona cower in her seat.
"She's scary! Look! But I don't want to stop, I'm very happy to be here~"
Yoona saw Tiffany's hands curling into fists and that was her cue to stop; she did not want to attract another member's wrath as Sunny was terrorising enough when pissed off and combining her with Tiffany would be illegally destructive.
Juhyun was an easy target as the youngest one lived more diligently than all of them ever did, firm in her beliefs and self-imposed rules, but Yoona could not bring herself to prank her; she yearned to be some sort of responsible older sister, even if her conduct caused her to be considered as the real baby of the group.
Hyoyeon was fun to tease and usually responded in the same kind, albeit with more violence. Sooyoung and Yuri seemed to share Yoona's awareness of this fact and they rarely took it individually on Hyoyeon too--unless they were in three.
And then there was Jessica who was Yoona's favourite target because she could get away with so much when Sooyoung and Yuri would have some bruise on their limbs.
"It is so unfair!" Yuri complained to Yoona's scampering form far Jessica's door while rubbing the sore spot of her arm. She had just to walk in there when Jessica opened her door with a vicious glare, in search of the culprit, before a hard slap was given to her arm. Yuri huffed as Jessica closed her door again and the raven haired girl could not help but rant even if no one was to hear her out.
"Her favouritism is so blatant!"
Yoona's giggle ringing from their shared room caused Yuri to forget about it; Yuri had the choding's cheeky expression embed in her head and it was the adorable one to which it was difficult to be mad at.
It was not a secret too and even if Jessica did not voice it loudly, her different attitude towards the second youngest member was hard to miss: the softening of her narrowed eyes when glancing at her or her passiveness when being the receiving end of the pranks, letting the tall girl have her way, intact and unharmed, were some of the things to go by.
"You're so spoiled," the blonde said during a public event and the younger one was rolling the water bottle back and forth on the table. She was gripping Jessica's hand wrist tightly and smiling cheekily (the expression suggestion her silent answer, "Am I? Aren't I?") when the older one continued, "Im Yoona, I swear... My wrist!"
The girl let go unafraid and as they stood up to give their ending comments, Jessica's knuckles bumped teasingly and fondly onto Yoona's head.
"I think I might be spoiling you too much," she whispered with their touching heads for a pose. "And you shouldn't take much advantage of it."
Yoona simply smiled contently.
Sometimes it would get boring and Yoona was the worst in dealing with it, but even then she would have her fun; being someone's favourite had its privileges and that alone was very entertaining enough.
•
Hurt was Girl's Generation's 10th member.
An integral part of the group and they had lived with its different forms since they were young, barely kids who could hardly be normal back then, growing to live more out of the norm because that was what they foolishly dreamt of without realising its full reality yet.
When trainings started, they knew there was no way back and all they could do was go on, practice in front of those mirrors until they could barely see clearly from exhaustion, follow the flow and wait patiently to make it out the long and dark tunnel to debut while being shaped to minimise flaws. The most they felt was mostly the physical pain they welcomed, seeing gradually what it brought: necessary changes; and it was considered the most normal kind of ache for them, the children who were not even teenagers.
It all started with one of the questions the elders loved to ask (What would you like to be?), peering down on these young ones who would answer what crossed their mind in that moment because what could you expect from the little girls' innocent mind? They didn't really think much of it, but they had always had it deep down.
Just give your best and it will pay off.
Patience was a virtue they forced to come by when they were told that. They followed, but didn't expect it would drag on for long months to years... and years. It hurt (a hell lot) for their efforts to be rewarded with more trainings and what hurt more was to be constantly reminded each of them was not good enough to survive out there. So they needed comrades to sustain where they lacked in and it dawned on them they would be forced to stuck with other trainees, some they had never even talked to; it was so discouraging.
A keen eye would be able to point out the peculiarity of the group of 9. The number of members was not it, instead it was what each fragment was made of, what they carried with them to strengthen and solidify the bond with all their mishaps and merits.
Juhyun's reputation often garnered spotlight as she was deemed to be the idol out of place. Prime intelligence, solid strong morals and her supreme looks which blossomed now, along the "royal" aura radiating from her had the public's agreement that was she should have been a student (within themselves they joked about how she was born such a sturdy kid with the brains) to be a delegate or a public servant of some sort, but an entertainer. But wasn't she of public use in the profession she had chosen to take? A performer, an idol... an artist. It hurt her older sisters to hear some of their youngest one's pain (and perhaps her biggest one), her frustration in what they wanted to get across other people: that they were just more than idols (and they weren't airheads). And hadn't they sacrificed enough, shed their share of bitter and exhausted tears, brought enough achievements to their country to deserve that tiny bit of recognition?
"It's not easy..." Taeyeon stalled, looking at Sooyoung's long arms encircling Juhyun's hunched form when they had opened the topic in their living room.
"It's not easy," she repeated and continued with a deep sigh, so heavy and burdened, "to change people's view of us when we were introduced as idols. Our technology may have made gigantic steps, but our people's mentality is still conservative as it was, reticent to change. It may take some more time, but Juhyun..."
That Juhyun's expression facing Taeyeon in desperate expectation like the older one had the answer to life would always be ingrained in Yoona's memories because the maknae they cherished and protected the most had never looked so vulnerable it clenched Yoona's heart painfully. Taeyeon smiled reassuringly, looking bothered and her features finally resembling her age. She finished with every ounce of belief she nurtured in her for their sake.
"Juhyun, you don't need to live by their opinions anymore. You are great, we all are. It's just formalities and... we're Girls' Generation, remember? That accounts to something and speaks per se. We might not be artists now, for them, but we have established our name and made a difference. That makes me think that it's all worth it despite everything. That it'll always be worth it with all of you."
Taeyeon who was born to be a singer, the kid from the Jeonju province had the voice with her, so wise and too young to had been bestowed of the biggest burden: being the leader. Saying it was hard would be an understatement, but she wanted to sing more than anything else and there was nothing that would have hindered it. Beside it was in her genes, as she once said, because her father had been a singer too, but difference was he was a neighbour band while his daughter ventured way far from within their nation's border, venturing into foreign grounds with uneasy yet formidable steps.
It was her dream, so she carried on and led the others who relied so much on her. It was hurtful to be the frontrunner and defender, she who knew prematurely some deep-rooted crack (stretching wider and wider) in her persona when Jeonju started to seem too far to go home to. It didn't feel like only losing her hometown, the friendly ambiance, the calm and fresh air, but it was almost as if she was bereaved of her own self. It was traumatising, but she couldn't go turn back, and that most likely smothered her limited social skills because people in the city were so different from her - more meticulous, more conscious, bolder - she assumed she wouldn't fit. She, the insecure and chubby Taeyeon, kept her distance, maintaining politeness at face value, and it was more manageable than trying hard and failing. The others could not fathom what she was bearing inside for they had not said goodbye to a part of them. They could not sympathize. Or at least she mistakenly thought so before Stephanie Hwang was roomed with her.
Tiffany lived to be a singer, the little foolhardy Californian girl who packed up her things and previous life in 3 weeks to pursue her dream at the other part of the globe from her home. Tiffany the burning, simmering, passionate soul who found comfort in music at the darkest moment of her life. The loss had taken a part of her and it was crucial to put the pieces back together, her life seeming to continue directionless, without a purpose. It sucked, and hurt so bad, but a way out was presented and she seized it without thinking twice.
And then she had her troubles in conforming herself into the Korean culture because she was so much of a Westerner in all aspects. Her booming greetings were one of those traits (it would last as her trademark in the coming years) and her poor roommate, her dear Taetae, kept wincing at hearing it even after months of being together. Taetae who was so shy and different, awkwardly cute, but genuine and steadfast in her goals. Stephanie latch onto her like a chick imprinting on her mother.
Yoona remember seeing them entering, first Taeyeon and then some weeks later Stephanie, into the practice rooms, as clear as her memory of herself putting a foot there. She saw people come and go in the workshop studios, the academy being restricted into a limited number, but Yoona could tell why they stood out. Perhaps it was because she could sympathise with the expression on their faces, one she wore during the first day too: it was fear that they were one a bit too many in the crowd and wonder if they could weave their way to debut through the greedy and eager faces of their peers.
Yoona was aware (and saw them coming) of the whispers about the two too, petty talks within gossipmongers for entertainment (OMG look at that fat!, Isn't she a bit too tan? And fat?), but if Taeyeon and Tiffany knew of them, they didn't let it show. Taeyeon barely talked, but remained agreeable all the time, while Tiffany, the never faltering smiling and bubbly Tiffany, had constantly a friendly expression gracing her features, nimbly creating bonds with almost every trainee. The duo's faces veiled so much of their inside, pains which resurfaced years later in the circle of their so called "5 Minutes Talk" (Bless the one who proposed it as it had been their group's saving grace).
Yoona saw hope entering and delusion exiting those doors on the trainees' faces too, filled with what seemed to be fatigue, and she thought better than to dig deeper down the surface. She was afraid to know and acknowledge that, maybe, they were right to let go upon realising the blurry future their sacrifices beheld. Especially after 4 years of training. She banned herself from thinking that, perhaps, it was useless... she had been doing it for too long, the preparation, and it shook her world that it had brought her nowhere yet.
"I'm going to debut and be a singer," Tiffany once announced in between gulps of noodles after their practice, one Saturday night. There was no hesitation in there, firm as rock, and Yoona envied her and knew the others too as she felt Sooyoung nudge her on her sides.
"What makes you think of that?" Hyoyeon asked, the girl from Incheon who had the moves with her; she just wanted to dance, really, and the company sounded good enough with the dance lessons they could give her.
Tiffany shrugged and looked at Taeyeon who was intently eating her food, "I just know. I can make it, giving what it takes to achieve my goal. It's my dream and I didn't leave my life in Cali to fail."
She glanced at her peers, "We all will do it. And even if we don't end up being in the same group, but I do hope we do, let's remain friends?"
It all made sense to the naive Tiffany, despite her hardships in adjusting (and God forbid her lisp for the issues it had caused), but looking back now she would admit some doubt she desperately tried to suffocate: that she probably came too early. But she didn't let herself drown in that when her life now had set to a far direction, sometimes too obscured, but nevertheless heading to somewhere.
The debut was the breakthrough they had been yearning, their chance to show what they were made of, what they could offer. Ironically the amount of multiplied fatigue was not the source of their hardships anymore (well it still was one of them, of course, when it took tolls on their health), but instead it was the roles they were stuck in.
Taeyeon recoiled more to herself, burdened and so pressured to be in the front and first one speaking, to be the only one speaking the group's voice. What was there to do? Lead. She was the most responsible for the outcome of the 9. There was no space for weakness and mistakes; the cost could be too high to pay. The leader. Taeyeon had to persevere for all it almost crippled her.
Yoona became the canvass of their image: the face of Girl's Generation. It was so much of a blessing as it was a curse (there were days she considered the latter prevailed on the former and it was depressing) and the attention of being pushed in the middle was suffocating. But they had roles to maintain and doing hers right was the least she could for her bandmates. It hurt though and she cried herself to sleep (as silently as she could because Sooyoung and Taeyeon didn't deserve to be disturbed in their lacking sleep) for the burn of being the main target of hate. They were baseless, but they stung nevertheless and there were times she couldn't contain her feelings to surface, letting herself being visibly affected.
It would be either a pat on her head or a hand brushing her cheek, but Yoona knew when Jessica was aware of her emotional turmoil and wanted to comfort her. The girl's aloof face was deceiving and it hid so much of her assertiveness, surprising people how close she'd come into pointing out something not so obvious.
"Do not let them affect you especially when they are not true," the high-pitched voice would say to Yoona who would just nod with her bottom lip between her teeth, recalling memories of Jessica closing herself in the bathroom, under the shower, for she suffered from the hate attacks like her too.
Jessica who was friends with male idols and thus hated by their fans. The stoic faced girl from California who was made to be a singer with endurance and patience of 7 years of training. 7 long years of her life spent into an investment she realised she loved after someone pointed it out to her (Dude, don't you know you love singing without even knowing it?). The cold front she showcased was the opposite of the kind-hearted girl who was usually first to hold her member's hands before going on stage or after their performance for reassurance and support, especially on difficult times of breakdowns. Jessica simply thought of giving as much as she received.
And it got harder after debut and many were diffident of them making it, of lasting in the industry.
What is SM thinking? A group of 9? 9 too many.
What is this madness? Super Girls huh? So foolish!
They are so ambitious.
Bets of disbanding after a year didn't pass unknown to the fresh girls who in the first period of their journey controlled what was said of them on the internet, despite theirselves. It burned, some were indignant, but everyone gritted their teeth, sharing a common hurt beside their personal ones. And that was perhaps the push they needed, the outside world's influence breaking in on them triggered the necessity to build their protection for theirselves. A shield of 9 against the odds. It was strengthen, slowly, with the hold of hands, sharing of worries in talks, long talks until they felt so light and way better despite their lack of sleep, thankful of the burden being shared with other 8 friends.
That fateful night of performance under the darkest sky they had ever seen and heard along unfamiliar chants of the crowd was the test to their beliefs and trust with each other. Their eyes brimmed with tears achingly, but they held it in: they couldn't crumble and the show had to go on, so they danced and sang their hearts to the veiling and deafening darkness. Once off the stage, it was maybe the cold or the shock numbing them, but no one spoke a word at all, seeming like they had lost their tongue or will to talk. That fateful night was a woeful one, wounded girls weeping badly for a scar deeply marked in their beings, the same girls who realised they had no one, not even their parents, managers or friends, but the 9 themselves against the harshness out there. So they cried (Taeyeon hovered over the cries of Tiffany and Sunny, biting her tongue forcefully to prevent herself from joining them; Yuri and Hyoyeon just laid together on a bed and avoided to let their silent pain get heard; Seohyun's louder sobs were audible as Sooyoung comforted their maknae with her own tear stained face) and held each other so dearly because they were the only support they had and needed.
"Shhhhh, please stop now Yoong," Jessica cooed in between salty tears. If the situation had been less serious, she would have snorted at herself for urging someone to calm down when tears streamed down her own eyes. Jessica shook Yoona's trembling shoulders lightly and place her head next to the younger one, "Yoong... enough, please... I hate to see you cry."
Bloodshot eyes stared at Jessica's and the voice that came out sounded so heartbreaking, "Why, unnie? What did we do?"
It was so raw, so broken Jessica would have given anything to ease Yoona's pain. No one deserved to suffer as much.
"I don't know, Yoong," she pulled the blanket up to their chin, her cold fingers finding force in Yoona's warm ones. Yoona was always warm. "Just keep in mind that being hurt doesn't last, but it is necessary... so that we can appreciate and be more grateful of the joys in life. What you should not forget is you're never alone, I won't ever let you be."
It didn't destroy them, but helped them to solidify the bond they hold onto. The following year they stood proud and stronger on the same spot where they had been humiliated in front of thousands the year before, shining brighter and more beautiful than the star filled night. That year was their year and no one was able to take that away, not an obstacle nor a fear. It was Girls' Generation from then on.
Hurt was Girl's Generation's 10th member and it didn't faze Yoona at all: she was never alone to face it.
•
"Your mood is so contagious, luckily it's mostly a good one," Tiffany once said with a tilt of her head. She reached out to poke Yoona's right cheek. "You constantly happy chick."
Yoona beamed and couldn't help but see Tiffany's motherly traits in treating her, like she was some bratty teenager who was somehow troublesome. Well, she kind of was, and Tiffany fussed like a worried mother all the time. She was the net of the group and diligently took care of the members, reminding them to take medicines when she herself hated it, cleaning up their mess, ordering food for them, buying them treats and clothes or whatever whenever she went back home alone. No one asked for that but Tiffany did it like it was an obligation; she couldn't bring herself not to.
"It's hard not to be happy when you have many reasons to be so," Yoona replied to her and the smile that broke on Tiffany's face was Yoona's favorite one, that curving of eyes that could melt hearts. "Thanks, unnie."
Yoona meant it and she couldn't think of having any better life despite the rough road they had been (and they would continue to go) through. There were a lot of bumps on the way but the jolts just brought them closer, blurring the line between colleagues and friends first, then friends and sisters. Being part of a large family was heart warming, and having 8 sisters who meant to her as much herself and gaining adoptive parents of the other members who considered each of the 9 as their own children made Yoona's heart swell greatly. It didn't matter if life was taxing, hurtful or unsure, all that Yoona cared about was she was blessed generously with each acquired sister who knew her as their back of their hand.
And it wasn't hard to find, but Yoona usually found greater happiness in small gestures, subtle ones which touched her heart immensely with their genuineness.
Taeyeon's personality was the closest to her own and Yoona understood her leader's unspoken words louder than her speeches. It wasn't often when Taeyeon broke her silence to offer her caring words.
"Do not be too harsh on yourself, Yoona. Everything does not depend on your control."
It was rare, but Yoona cherished those moments knowing her leader (Taeyeon would always have that title for her) cared even in her wordless guarding from afar.
The bond with Hyoyeon shared some similarity, as in it didn't tap much on the emotional side for the blonde didn't dwell on the negative side of things. Hyoyeon would have been a good personification of life: she knew how to ignite the spark and lighten up the mood, regardless the place she immersed herself in, like a total socialite. Yoona looked up to her a lot, not only in terms of silliness, but the audacity and fierceness Yoona didn't have were admirable. Hyoyeon was strong and dependable, and she was one of Yoona's pointers. The younger one loved to go out and get off the edge in karaoke bars with her. There was no one more amusing than a wasted, drunk Hyoyeon.
Sunny resembled Hyoyeon in many aspects, alive and active, perhaps somehow a dulled version of the dancer. She had the experience with her, though, and the knowledge acquired being in a family who had been breathing showbiz for a couple decades now. Perhaps it was in her blood but Sunny was an ace in negotiating with the remarkable ability of a priced middle (wo)man whenever tensed arguments broke out. Whenever there were days when everyone threaded lightly around eggshells in their dorm fearing as if mines were planted in there, like a wrong move would trigger the explosion, Sunny was agile in making the interested parties resolve their issues. Sometimes involving alcohol, everyone was more straightforward when buzzed. (Everyone thought Tiffany was the drinker, but Sunny way passed the American girl's alcohol tolerance).
And in between days of normality Yoona knew that Sunny liked to feign annoyance over her mischievousness, but the light pinches on her elbows (Sunny loved to pay attention to them) conveyed more about fondness than anything else.
"You're such a naughty kid!" Sunny pinched Yoona with a laugh as Yoona continually poked the short girl's front chanting "Bounce! Bounce!".
"Oh stop now," the older one put her on a headlock and ruffled her long hair. "Kid, it can't be helped I'm gifted."
Yoona giggled before returning to her designed position and start the series of choreographies again for their upcoming tour. The previous one was still fresh in their heads even after their longest vacation in a while, the practice was more for smoothing what they couldn't in the 20 stops of arena tour. Yoona marvelled at her vision every time she looked in front of the mirrors and it was not news, but it didn't fail to make her breath hitch for a second. She knew it was not the case but every time they were in those practice rooms it was as if she was in a room of mirrors and she couldn't help but think the 9 individuals drenched in sweats in her sight were solely a reflection of a whole. There was one and its 9 duplicates, each different from the another but of the same nature and importance for a better whole.
"We'll end up early today," Taeyeon announced loudly, her gaze landing on Yoona with soft eyes. "Let's wrap it up around 4 pm?"
Yuri's excited squeal and jumping form made everyone look at her weirdly. Yoona was reminded how her personality conformed deeply with Yuri's during their early years, giving birth to the duo of mischief, the complementary twins who shared the same sense of humour and ridiculous giving their dormmates headaches. Yuri's innocence showed in these carefree acts was really endearing and the good vibes from her spread quickly, bringing the others on their feet to finish another round.
The soft ringtone ringing out in one of their breaks attracted their attention and Yoona ran to fetch her phone. It was about 3:30 pm and the caller ID tugged at her lips.
"Hi baby Yoong," the warming voice said, it depicted sweetness from one of the most golden-hearted person Yoona had ever known.
"Hello Sooyoung unnie," she replied happily.
"Am I disturbing you guys? You weren't answering my Kakaotalk messages."
"No, not really. We're on a break now. Why aren't you here?" Yoona hated when they weren't complete, even if she knew of the reason as to why.
Sooyoung bit her lip and could almost see the pout from the other line. The taller girl smiled gently at the cuteness of her little sister.
"You know why, sweetie. I just wanted to say I'll probably arrive late, but I'll make it, okay?"
The reminder further pushed the pouting lips and but Sooyoung's terms of endearments appeased her sulking, so she just exhaled loudly, letting go of something which couldn't be helped. Sooyoung was probably the only member who could persuade Yoona into doing anything, any time. The younger girl trusted Sooyoung blindly and the latter never gave her a reason not to do so. And as they spent more time together, sharing memories, the bible studies Yoona was invited into were inspiring, but what Sooyoung in person could share and teach her was stronger and relevant than any other spiritual gathering Yoona would attend. It was the taller girl's wisdom that amazed Yoona, paired with a unique wit sharpened in time. Sooyoung who was incredibly wise at her age, astonishingly compassionate and extremely beautiful... Yoona held her dear in her heart.
"Okay, I will wait for you. Don't take too long!"
"I won't. Have to go now, filming is starting again. Love you!"
"Love you too."
Yoona's smile stretched larger when she felt arms encircling her from behind. They were unmistakably long, like hers.
"Yes, Juhyun?"
"I just had the urge to hug you, unnie."
Yoona turned around and tightened her arms around the girl. So good. Too good. Even when their clothes stuck to their back stickily due to perspiration.
"Everyone's pampering me today..."
"Hmmm. It's not pampering, it's showing love."
Yoona laughed softly at their genuine baby. Juhyun was so precious.
"Okay. Everyone's showing me love. I like it."
Juhyun hummed, "Taeyeon unnie said we can go and prepare now. Are you going home or to the dorm?"
An arm find its way in between their merged body and pushed the youngest two to break the hug. It was surprisingly powerful and the bigger surprise was the arm was Jessica's.
Jessica grinned innocently.
"Everyone's going to the dorm, now shall we?"
Juhyun rolled her eyes (she rarely did that, but it came off naturally) and Yoona just tapped Jessica's arm.
"Rude, unnie. Let's go."
Yoona pulled them towards the exit door after grabbing her purse and pursed her lips when Jessica separated herself and started to walk to her own car.
"I have to drop by in my home though, I forgot something! Meet you later!"
A wave of hand and after everyone shuffled inside their service vans, they returned to the familiar walls of their home and prepared for dinner. Make up wasn't necessary nor flashy clothes, artificialities were useless: they didn't need to impress anyone, and they were more beautiful in their bare states anyway. It was just them, the 9. The group who could not help but be together. They surprised themselves they weren't tired of each other year. And birthdays... required special celebrations, not fancy, but intimate, almost solemn ones. They enjoyed the peace of a quiet surrounding with the people they knew by heart, in and out. The clattering of utensils, the emptying and re-filling of their champagne glasses and their endless chats enriched with booming laughs and claps as if they hadn't seen each other for a long time were like the cool bath after a wearing day, refreshing, inexplicably invigorating for their soul.
"I'm sorry I'm late!"
Honey coloured-hair peek through the doors and Jessica entered hastily, her hair somehow in a contained mess, as everyone stared at her expectantly. She was never short of classy.
“I fell asleep...” she paused at their judging looks. “What? Did you blow the cake?! Oh my God, you all--”
A rough hand knocked Jessica's head quite hard and interrupted the rant.
“Shut up! Of course they didn't, I was missing. Duh.”
Jessica swivelled around with force and wrinkled her nose in annoyance at Sooyoung's heavy lidded eyes and a messy full bangs, fresh from the shooting.
“Ouch! Choi Sooyoung! I'm older than you! Pay some respect!”
The wave of a hand as a clear dismissal of her remarks riled up Jessica more when Sooyoung continued.
“Sure, sure. Oldie. Now, make way, I wanna eat. My babies are hungry.”
“Hey Choi Sooyoung I'm talking to you!”
Yuri joined in, “What a bunch of idiots...”
“Kwon Yuri I am older than you too!”
“Then you should start acting as such!”
“You brat!”
“You are!”
“What you--” Jessica was pulled forcefully by Hyoyeon to sit down on her seat.
“Unnies, please.” Juhyun's scolding always ended their banters as the older members felt guilty at not acting like role models. Their maknae had always had that role instead, though. “We're here to celebrate? Stop arguing.”
Yoona was amused, really, and she would usually be one of those childish arguments, but this time she was an audience. Amusing. And Sooyoung's snort at the short banter while eating lively beside her was hilarious. She stopped for a while to hurriedly ask the other girl, “Yoong? Did you eat? Do you want this? Or eat with me? Let's share?”
There were things that beat her spirit, hurtful and jarring experiences left their marks, but Yoona was mostly happy, thinking that happiness was beautiful and it was around her at that moment. As she padded her way to her room in her own apartment with her family, she recalled the night's happening in her elated mind clouded by the haze caused by their second bottle of champagne. Sooyoung talking about the friendly set, Hyoyeon sharing her night outs, Seohyun opening up about her college adventures, Yuri discussing about her preparation for an upcoming project, Tiffany and Taeyeon alternating their stories about the newest pet of the family, Ginger, Jessica just listening to everyone... everything wes all deposited into Yoona's happy memory bank as she laid on her bed. She thought that perhaps she could be dreaming and that it was all her illusion in what she wished her life would be, but if that was the case, she would get the most of it and hope no one would wake her up soon.
“Hey...”
Her sleep started to dissolve.
No.
“Wake up.”
Her mind was becoming clearer.
No...
“Yoong, open your eyes.”
Yoona blearily stared at the phone-illuminated face.
“Sica unnie?”
Despite the darkness and sleepiness the satisfied smirk on Jessica's face appeared to be so charming to Yoona.
“What are you doing here? Where am I? Where are we?”
“In your room,” Jessica pulled and sat Yoona up against the bed's headboard. “In your apartment.”
“Okay... What are you doing here? Am I late for the schedules? But the sun doesn't seem to be up yet. What time is it?”
Jessica stood up and and walked to the door, “I'm just here to show you something. Just so you know I didn't fall asleep earlier and the reason why I was late is...” she paused. “Look at the time.”
Yoona's mind wasn't working fully yet, but she reached out and grabbed her phone on the bedside table. She pushed the home button and blinked, adjusting her eyes on the light.
“5... 5:30...am...?!”
“Earlier I was around looking for some things I needed and I had to pass by here to ask your father for the permission to crash in your place.”
Jessica turned the dim light's switch slightly and pushed a button on a smaller remote control, balloons Yoona wasn't aware of before spark up to life all around the room.
“Thankfully he gave me consent, otherwise I couldn't have done my plan.”
She skipped towards the bed and sat down beside Yoona. The room was filled with floating balloon hearts on the ceiling and what struck the younger girl was the effect created by the feeble glow which surrounded the pink neon light of the hearts; it was as if the pink illuminated hearts had a glow of a yellow dull light.
“Happy Yoong time on Yoong day,” Jessica whispered, gazing at her work. She was proud and content. “I couldn't think of a decent gift, but you can go to any restaurant you please with me and I'll pay.”
The lack of response and silence made Jessica shift her feet, her confidence in having made a good job was shrinking and maybe it wasn't a good idea at all. Yoona was paralyzed in her seat, intent on staring at the beauty in her room and silently basking in the bliss of receiving special efforts when she less expected it.
“Yoong? Sorry, you must still be sleeping...”
No, she just didn't know what to say.
“I don't know what to say,” she embraced Jessica tightly and buried her nose on the smooth hair.
“Is that good or bad?”
“More than good.”
“I guess I can say I did a good job then.”
Yoona was compelled to freeze the memory into a static image to have something to remember the moment by. Once again, if it was all a dream, everything, she hoped reality would not be so different.
“You don't have to pay my meals though.”
Jessica slid down on the bed and went under the covers, tugging at Yoona's arm to copy her.
“I don't, but I want to have reasons to keep you by my side,” she mumbled sleepily. Yoona smiled tenderly at the admittance.
“Thank you so much, unnie.”
Happiness was present in a lot of forms and reality being better than a dream made Yoona constantly happy.
“I love you.”
“Love you more, brat.”