And the Pendulum Swings (Again)
Over the past three or so weeks, I have been doing very well in not having any major depression episodes. Although there have been minor ones at times, they are often contained within a couple hours or I have been able to fight through them and at least feel somewhat accomplished. While I feel that is a big deal for me, I know that I still have a long way to go before I am able to make more serious strides to improve how I feel about myself and the quality of the life which I claim to lead.
A major thing that I must become better at is being more sociable and drastically improving my overall social skills. Last night, my good friend Danielle told me that she thinks that my social skills "are seriously lacking" and that sometimes I say some strange, even what she claimed to be inconsiderate, things without my motives being clear. For better or worse, she is absolutely right. Although I really do try to make an honest effort to live a good, honest life, sometimes my own lame attempts at sarcasm or whatever may be misconceived or misunderstood. I sometimes say things which sound a lot better in my head and don't quite come out how I intend for them to do so. I probably also do my fair share of over-thinking and playing certain scenarios out in my head (it does cause some sleep issues as well) way too much.
There are very few people with whom I truly feel comfortable to be around constantly and there is currently nobody in my life whom I would want to see me at my worst (i.e. during one of my severe episodes). It is a very scary thing for me to think that I am already 25 and I can't seem to shake this stigma. I worry that I am going to be like this my entire life and that these issues are going to prevent me from fundamental things like dating and having long-term, growing friendships. I worry about being "that guy" who is unable to move out of singlehood and truly connect with someone on a deeper and more real level.
The big worry with trying to be more sociable is that I am afraid that that I am going to become "fake" or not the person who I think I am. While I have no problem discovering new things about myself or trying new stuff, I do not want to adjust the core person of who I am in order to placate others and live up to those expectations. It seems strange from my perspective that I am able to take myself around Europe twice and to the Middle East and meet new people but when I am here in Florida or in the "normal routine," I don't seem to function in that way.
I have to get going to "work" but I definitely have more to say on this.
A major thing that I must become better at is being more sociable and drastically improving my overall social skills. Last night, my good friend Danielle told me that she thinks that my social skills "are seriously lacking" and that sometimes I say some strange, even what she claimed to be inconsiderate, things without my motives being clear. For better or worse, she is absolutely right. Although I really do try to make an honest effort to live a good, honest life, sometimes my own lame attempts at sarcasm or whatever may be misconceived or misunderstood. I sometimes say things which sound a lot better in my head and don't quite come out how I intend for them to do so. I probably also do my fair share of over-thinking and playing certain scenarios out in my head (it does cause some sleep issues as well) way too much.
There are very few people with whom I truly feel comfortable to be around constantly and there is currently nobody in my life whom I would want to see me at my worst (i.e. during one of my severe episodes). It is a very scary thing for me to think that I am already 25 and I can't seem to shake this stigma. I worry that I am going to be like this my entire life and that these issues are going to prevent me from fundamental things like dating and having long-term, growing friendships. I worry about being "that guy" who is unable to move out of singlehood and truly connect with someone on a deeper and more real level.
The big worry with trying to be more sociable is that I am afraid that that I am going to become "fake" or not the person who I think I am. While I have no problem discovering new things about myself or trying new stuff, I do not want to adjust the core person of who I am in order to placate others and live up to those expectations. It seems strange from my perspective that I am able to take myself around Europe twice and to the Middle East and meet new people but when I am here in Florida or in the "normal routine," I don't seem to function in that way.
I have to get going to "work" but I definitely have more to say on this.