breathe
Warning this is going to be sad emo and depressing.
it's a little after 4am and i'm still awake, because I was crying so hard I could barely breathe. I'm thinking all these things again, things I thought I was over thinking about. It's June, to most of you that means nothing but June was a happy time for a long time. This is confusing I know, but I just want this whole month to be over. I haven't sat up and cried this hard in months. Hell i'm confused as to why i'm crying is it just thinking about this month and the great and heartbreaking things that have happend in this month. Or the fact that I'm pretty sure Erick and I will be over, and yeah it has to be in this month that it happens.
I'm sick of being alone every night...and I'm sick of being treated the way I allow others to treat me. I want to get away for a little while, if only a couple days. I want to find people I can actually count on to be there when I really need them so I don't have to be sitting alone at 4am crying. It's fucking pathetic, and I can't stand myself for being so weak. I know I'm stronger than this, I have to be. And i'm back to the point where laying in bed and sleeping all day seems like the best option....I hate this state of mind, and hurting so much. But I blame him too, because all I need from him is to be around or let me be a part of his life. But he doesn't know what he wants.I hope he figures it out soon, because i can't keep this up. And I can't bring myself to just give up, I couldn't be the one to do it before...just looks like something I do. I will "fight" for something for as long as there is something to fight for, and then more for a while after it's gone. And that just makes me angry that others give up so easily, they don't try, they don't fight...and maybe i'm just not worth the fight.
I don't know to be honest.
I do know that I need to wake up in just a few hours and am already thinking of ways to get out of it.
Can't I just wake up in the morning and have someone I love next to me? Not today, I guess. God, I just miss him.
goodnight. congrats if you got through this confusing load of whiny shit...and sorry you had to read it.
-Gina
it's a little after 4am and i'm still awake, because I was crying so hard I could barely breathe. I'm thinking all these things again, things I thought I was over thinking about. It's June, to most of you that means nothing but June was a happy time for a long time. This is confusing I know, but I just want this whole month to be over. I haven't sat up and cried this hard in months. Hell i'm confused as to why i'm crying is it just thinking about this month and the great and heartbreaking things that have happend in this month. Or the fact that I'm pretty sure Erick and I will be over, and yeah it has to be in this month that it happens.
I'm sick of being alone every night...and I'm sick of being treated the way I allow others to treat me. I want to get away for a little while, if only a couple days. I want to find people I can actually count on to be there when I really need them so I don't have to be sitting alone at 4am crying. It's fucking pathetic, and I can't stand myself for being so weak. I know I'm stronger than this, I have to be. And i'm back to the point where laying in bed and sleeping all day seems like the best option....I hate this state of mind, and hurting so much. But I blame him too, because all I need from him is to be around or let me be a part of his life. But he doesn't know what he wants.I hope he figures it out soon, because i can't keep this up. And I can't bring myself to just give up, I couldn't be the one to do it before...just looks like something I do. I will "fight" for something for as long as there is something to fight for, and then more for a while after it's gone. And that just makes me angry that others give up so easily, they don't try, they don't fight...and maybe i'm just not worth the fight.
I don't know to be honest.
I do know that I need to wake up in just a few hours and am already thinking of ways to get out of it.
Can't I just wake up in the morning and have someone I love next to me? Not today, I guess. God, I just miss him.
goodnight. congrats if you got through this confusing load of whiny shit...and sorry you had to read it.
-Gina