Circumstances and Consciences
I'm sad and pissed off, and you lucky LJ users get to hear me rant.
Corey broke up with me. My Dad is a bastard. And both of them were very nice to me, even after being bastardy, which makes them both even more disgustingly horrid.
Why, EVERY time I trust a man and make myself so completely vulnernable do they decide that it doesn't really matter that much and then do their damnest to emotionally destroy me?
Seriously, how many FUCKING times am I going to have to do this? A few more times before I learn my lesson, most likely.
I'm an awesome secret keeper. Seriously, if you tell me something, I will take it to the grave. Nothing is more important to me than a person's trust.
But this is big.
Too big.
And I'm not sure if I care enough about this person's trust. It's not like he ever cared about mine.
I hate this.
Its not even like I'm that totally upset about it.
I'm just very...disappointed.
I don't have faith in much, but I do have a deep belief in the people I open myself up to. And if you screw that up, then basically thats it. It takes a lot for me to become angry. Truly, completely encompassed and bitterly blinded by the fact that someone has managed to violate my confidence in their ability to protect whichever emotions I choose to show.
It takes even more for me to forgive.
And even if I do, then things will NEVER be as they once were. You can not earn the honesty and compassion. Its either a given or something that isnt real.
So much for the stars.
Corey broke up with me. My Dad is a bastard. And both of them were very nice to me, even after being bastardy, which makes them both even more disgustingly horrid.
Why, EVERY time I trust a man and make myself so completely vulnernable do they decide that it doesn't really matter that much and then do their damnest to emotionally destroy me?
Seriously, how many FUCKING times am I going to have to do this? A few more times before I learn my lesson, most likely.
I'm an awesome secret keeper. Seriously, if you tell me something, I will take it to the grave. Nothing is more important to me than a person's trust.
But this is big.
Too big.
And I'm not sure if I care enough about this person's trust. It's not like he ever cared about mine.
I hate this.
Its not even like I'm that totally upset about it.
I'm just very...disappointed.
I don't have faith in much, but I do have a deep belief in the people I open myself up to. And if you screw that up, then basically thats it. It takes a lot for me to become angry. Truly, completely encompassed and bitterly blinded by the fact that someone has managed to violate my confidence in their ability to protect whichever emotions I choose to show.
It takes even more for me to forgive.
And even if I do, then things will NEVER be as they once were. You can not earn the honesty and compassion. Its either a given or something that isnt real.
So much for the stars.