Determination
(August 5, 2006)
I wake up and can’t speak. I can hardly even whisper. I try and try but no sound comes out. I’m in Chicago at
Angie’s grandparents’ house. It’s the day of our performance at Second City on the main stage and I have
lost my voice. I don’t know what to do. This is horrible, but I know I’ll figure it out.
Angie helps me to explain my condition to Shenoah and Mark. All through the morning’s rehearsals I do not make a sound. I just drink bottle after bottle of water and know that I will be able to speak when I need to. We walk in a group to the main stage. It’s awe-inspiring. Standing on the stage that Tina Fey, John Belushi, Chris Farley, Amy Sedaris, Rachel Dratch, and so many others have is possibly the coolest thing I’ve ever done. Backstage is a small, colorful greenroom filled with chairs, shelves, and photos. Quotes are written all over the walls. This is fantastic.
During the quick dress rehearsal I do not speak. While the audience fills in and we huddle in the tiny wings, I drink water and I prepare myself, prepare my voice. Just before the show starts I finally test it. I make a soft scratchy noise and that’s all the confidence I get.
And now it’s time to go onstage for the first scene in which I have to speak. I am nervous, but I’m just going to have to make it work. I don’t know what’ll happen if my voice doesn’t come through for me. Zach will have to find a way to cover for it. We’ll have to improvise a totally new scene. I’m pretty confident that we could do it, but we won’t have to. I will speak. I just will. I take one more swig of water, clear my throat, and walk onstage into the bright hot lights.
And I speak. I speak loud and clear. I don’t even sound like I’m sick. And it lasts through the entire show. And that is the amazing, undeniable magic of the stage.
When the show’s over, my voice is nowhere to be heard and I am cursed to silence again.