Stop, before you fall, into the hole that I have dug here...

[not_a_eunuch]

"I have a confession to make."I watched from across the room as Faith gave her confession to one of the officers on duty. My stomach was in knots. She needed me to save her. I knew that. I knew it when she was standing in the rain and begging me to kill her. Faith wanted redemption, but she wasn't going to find it locked behind bars. There was no

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[not_a_eunuch]

"I'm not trying to defend the things she did." I say, pausing as I search for words that won't contradict that statement. "Things were...intense between you and then she was in a coma for awhile..."

I can see the emotions fly across her face and I know that every word I say about Faith must feel like a betrayal to Buffy. I don't know how to make her understand that just because I can identify with Faith's state of being doesn't mean I don't still love Buffy. You can care about more than one person at a time. Hell, there was a time, back when I was Angelus, I had a family.

Darla, Drusilla, Penn and Spike, we were united together and I miss that. I miss not having a family or feeling like I belong anywhere. It's lonely in Los Angeles, but it wasn't until both Faith and Buffy were here that I realized...I wished they wouldn't leave.

"She doesn't deserve to be in prison. Faith needs us, Buffy. To help her find her way back out of the dark. I..."I pause, look deep into her eyes and whisper, "need you. I thought the space between us would help you, but I'm not so sure anymore."

[lastguardian]

At first I can’t believe he’s saying these things. Doesn’t he remember? Because for me? It’s crystal clear. Faith killed somebody, and she tried to kill Angel. If she hadn’t fucked up, the way she always fucks up, she wouldn’t have had a prayer. I can’t live in a world without Angel. I already tried.

That was, obviously, why she deserved to be in jail. In prison. Behind bars. Away from me, and Angel, and Xander and Willow and everybody else she’d hurt in her short tenure as evil-bitch.

But then Angel’s looking at me and Faith doesn’t even exist, never mind… matter. Because it’s just Angel. And me being near Angel and Angel being near me, and did he just admit that he was wrong? Because all of a sudden I’m not Slayer Buffy I’m just Girl Buffy and this is the way things are supposed to be.

“I agree,” I answer, because it’s obvious that the space between us has done very little good at all, even with the new boyfriend issue at hand. Which I should probably get around to resolving, because otherwise? I’m very much the Slayer Slut. “Does that mean you’re coming back?”

[not_a_eunuch]

She asks if I'm coming back and for a moment I actually consider it. It's hard when she's so damn close and my feelings are surfacing. It's easier to forget or at least try and convince myself that I've forgotten, when she isn't standing in front of me. When I'm not inhaling her scent, drowning in everything that I love about Buffy.

Except my life isn't in Sunnydale, even if the woman I love is, and I can't go back there. My finger tips brush across her jaw, my thumb traces her bottom lip, and I search for the words to make her understand why my answer has to be no. Except the words in my head are never the words I actually voice to Buffy. We don't work that way. The only way I was able to leave her before...was to just disappear. That didn't go as planned and now I have to find a way to fix the mistake I made.

"Stay." I whisper, looking into her eyes. "Stay here and make this home. We could start over and together, we can help Faith."

I know she has a life in Sunnydale, but that life is built of living for other people. Just once, shouldn't she be given the chance to live for herself? Yes, I'm selfish, I want her here with me. I just need to know she wants to be here too.

"I need you to stay, Buffy."

[lastguardian]

Stay. That'd be nice, especially with the Angel part factored in. I wonder what Giles would have to say about that aside from "Blah blah blah, sacred duty, insert British talk." My assertions that there was plenty of evil worth fighting in L.A. would probably be met by the whole "And how many apocalypses have we fought right here? How many did you deal with there?"

And the thing is, he'd be right.

But Angel's looking at me, and all I can think about is just how stupid it all is, because there's really no reason why I shouldn't be able to leave that whole life behind and start over with Angel. I handed over my keys to the Slayer kingdom, so the hellmouth? Not my responsibility anymore. Faith's responsibility.

And why do I get the feeling that if I hang around for Faith's benefit that she isn't going to head back to Sunnydale to be the good Slayer? Because she wouldn't.

But at the same time, going back to Sunnydale doesn't exactly sound like my idea of a good time. Slaying, school, Riley. Riley'd seemed like a perfectly good idea at the time, but he paled in comparison to Angel. Kind of ironic if you thought about it, which I did. A lot.

And all of a sudden I have the answer, that stupid elusive answer that's been just outside my head. The Initiative. They want the hellmouth? They can have it.

"Okay," I agree, after what seemed like an eternity of staring at Angel. "But not for... she needs to help herself first."

This is my life after all. Faith is not going to steal it again.

[not_a_eunuch]

I'm not sure what I expect her to say, but I patiently wait while she mulls over the pros and cons of staying. Buffy's mind works on it's own frequency. The only way she will make the decision that is right for her is if I let her work through all of it.

Then she says it. Tells me she will stay and that it isn't because of Faith, because Faith has to figure things out for herself. She's right. Of course Buffy is right, but I think Buffy realizes that Faith will need us. I'm just stunned that Buffy is really going to stay.

I was prepared to argue my point. Try and convince her why LA could be our home, but I can save my words. She's staying. She's staying with me.

The way it should be. My hand cups her cheek as my thumb brushes across her bottom lip. I'm looking down at her and she's smiling up at me and for the briefest of moments everything feels right. Not quite perfect happiness, but close enough, especially when I lean down to kiss her just as she leans up to meet the kiss.

She's staying.