Rebirth?
Today i made the most difficult decision in my life. I have been up for 27 hours and i have not eaten within that time. Not only did that make me angry (Because i hate the Navy now) I had to work all day out side of the ship to do something that is Absolutely pointless.
When i a lunch break i went straight to the phone to call Amanda. I spent the whole time in the armory last night looking at her old entries that dated back as far as January. She was so in love with me and she always knew how to make me feel happy so i called her to see if she would remember how much she loved me. But when i called Steven was there and needless to say she was cold to me because she didn't want to break down in front of him. All i wanted her to do was comfort me and tell me everything was alright, she didn't. All i wanted her to do was tell me she loved me and at first she didn't but when she finally said it, she was quiet and made sure he didn't hear it. I was Devastated.
When i went back to work after that i began to realize that no one loved me, i was alone. Not one wanted me to be happy, and no one cared about me. It was then that i made my choice to make Amanda happy and to drop out of her life so she can have a chance to be happy with Steven. no turning back now. When i called her i started out by saying "Is there anything you want to tell me before i let you go?" I think this jolted something because she was concerned. So i told her everything, no holding back now. I told her that all i want is for her to be happy even of that means i have to taste the cold, hard steel of pain. She then did something that surprised me. She cried out "Don't go Erik. Please don't let me go." I continued to tell her that as soon as she sees him again she will forget about me all over again. i told her to just be happy. she refused. she didn't want me to go. Why? She has someone that is there, despite the fact that i would give anything to be there i am not, so why bother with me?
But she couldn't let me go. she then told me that she has made a choice to not see him but to only talk to him over the phone like with me. and she also started to where the necklace i have given her to protect me and she is now wearing our engagement ring again. I'm afraid to feel anything knowing that she could change her mind again. I don't want to feel pain now. I made a choice to feel and forever feel that but now that she told me not to go i feel like a soldier about to kill an enemy only to find out the man behind the gun is a 7 year old boy, i don't think i can do that for her again if she leaves me for good.
This is for any one that can offer advise. help me. I'm asking all of her friends to lend me their hand and tell me if her being with me is the right choice for her to make. help me please
When i a lunch break i went straight to the phone to call Amanda. I spent the whole time in the armory last night looking at her old entries that dated back as far as January. She was so in love with me and she always knew how to make me feel happy so i called her to see if she would remember how much she loved me. But when i called Steven was there and needless to say she was cold to me because she didn't want to break down in front of him. All i wanted her to do was comfort me and tell me everything was alright, she didn't. All i wanted her to do was tell me she loved me and at first she didn't but when she finally said it, she was quiet and made sure he didn't hear it. I was Devastated.
When i went back to work after that i began to realize that no one loved me, i was alone. Not one wanted me to be happy, and no one cared about me. It was then that i made my choice to make Amanda happy and to drop out of her life so she can have a chance to be happy with Steven. no turning back now. When i called her i started out by saying "Is there anything you want to tell me before i let you go?" I think this jolted something because she was concerned. So i told her everything, no holding back now. I told her that all i want is for her to be happy even of that means i have to taste the cold, hard steel of pain. She then did something that surprised me. She cried out "Don't go Erik. Please don't let me go." I continued to tell her that as soon as she sees him again she will forget about me all over again. i told her to just be happy. she refused. she didn't want me to go. Why? She has someone that is there, despite the fact that i would give anything to be there i am not, so why bother with me?
But she couldn't let me go. she then told me that she has made a choice to not see him but to only talk to him over the phone like with me. and she also started to where the necklace i have given her to protect me and she is now wearing our engagement ring again. I'm afraid to feel anything knowing that she could change her mind again. I don't want to feel pain now. I made a choice to feel and forever feel that but now that she told me not to go i feel like a soldier about to kill an enemy only to find out the man behind the gun is a 7 year old boy, i don't think i can do that for her again if she leaves me for good.
This is for any one that can offer advise. help me. I'm asking all of her friends to lend me their hand and tell me if her being with me is the right choice for her to make. help me please