Silent Pain
Seems like I can’t do anything right once again. All I wanted to do was talk to Amanda and tell how I feel and once again rely on her to make me feel better as I once did. It is 9:47 pm my time so that would make it 8:47 am her time. If she went to bed at 12 that means that she has gotten about 8 hours of sleep, give or take. I call her and once again pore my feelings and ask her to sooth me and the only thing she can do is get angry at me because I woke her up. What did I do to have my feelings constantly hurt by the only ONE I Love? There is no doubt about it I know she is the One for me, but when she does this to me I feel like a little boy that just got back handed for telling his mommy that he just had a bad dream. There was a time that I could call her day or night, didn’t matter if she just went to bed, she would still just talk to me until she fell asleep or until I felt better. The cuts are really starting to go deep, and I don’t know how much blood my body and produce before I fall dead. Please! I need my love, I need to be soothed and held the way I use to be. Why is this so hard to grant? I just want to die so I can stop getting in the way of Amanda and her quest to be loved because I can’t bring her to me now. I Want her know and I know that words mean very little to her, but right now they mean the word to me.