The Geek Within
There's this guy I've known, from around town, for about a year. I met him at the local coffee shop, amongst some other friends. Typically, he'd be seen playing chess and then would cling on to a group of people that he had some familiarity with, but no obvious close friendship with. He's very nice, but too nice ... the kinda guy that gets stepped on while he's helping others move forward. He's outspoken and says some of the most lame and absurd comments that most people either don't understand or disregard altogether. He'll say something that HE thinks is funny, when really all it does is stop any pre-existing laughter or conversation. Sometimes, he is funny. To me, he's such a GEEK. He's scrawny, awkward, and desperate for friends. He's not a social outcast, but he's not favored among the local social crowd either. In other words, he's not desired, socially. I think I pity him, or at least look down on him in some way.
(This is all my perception, by the way.)
I have some sort of natural resistance against wanting to get closer to him as a friend ... and tonight, I finally realized what it is. Its not for any of the reasons mentioned above. Its not him ... its me. By traditional social standards, I used to be the biggest geek - socially undesirable, in desperate need of friends, and exceedingly grateful for ANY friendship I was given. He also SAYS all the things that I THINK sometimes, but refuse to mention for fear that what I say might be too corny. He just doesn't give a shit, and he's strong enough to notice whatever rejection there is towards him and continue socializing the way he wants to. I am trying SO hard not to notice that we share many qualities.
He graciously accepts the fact that he's a geek ... I don't think I ever did.
(This is all my perception, by the way.)
I have some sort of natural resistance against wanting to get closer to him as a friend ... and tonight, I finally realized what it is. Its not for any of the reasons mentioned above. Its not him ... its me. By traditional social standards, I used to be the biggest geek - socially undesirable, in desperate need of friends, and exceedingly grateful for ANY friendship I was given. He also SAYS all the things that I THINK sometimes, but refuse to mention for fear that what I say might be too corny. He just doesn't give a shit, and he's strong enough to notice whatever rejection there is towards him and continue socializing the way he wants to. I am trying SO hard not to notice that we share many qualities.
He graciously accepts the fact that he's a geek ... I don't think I ever did.