Faith
Two Elders came up to me today (Elder something, and Elder something else) when I was walking home. I was so religiously/culturally ignorant that at first, I was amused when they introduced themselves because I thought they both had the same first name! I surprised myself though. I think most people, including myself, would normally blow them
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I was a part of InterVarsity for three of my four years in college, and I spent much of my time at Friday large groups, small group Bible studies, etc. Yet I still always questioned everything, and the ease with which these people could evangelize was astounding.
While I share many of the same feelings and ponder many of the same things as you, I still somehow feel that charted path. I really do. I'm not sure exactly what it is but I truly believe that there is some mission for me, some greater purpose, etc.
My friend Cathy and I had dinner, after not seeing each ther for seven years, a few months ago. She said, "You're looking for something. You believe that there is some great purpose in your life, and you are actively engaged in working toward that purpose. I'm not like that. I'm not intense like you are. I'm perfectly content right here where I am, and I don't think there's some great noble thing out there I'm supposed to be working toward."
And we both agreed that neither was better. She probably experiences much more calm than I do but less emotional intensity and less of the high's and low's that are with me always. I experience restlessness much more than she does, but I also experience intense ah-ha moments where it does all come together in the sheer joy of revelation.
I dare say you're a wanderer, on a mission of sorts?
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