(no subject)
What is it about me that makes people think that it is aok, premissable or a good idea to demean me?
Why is a compliment to my sister phrased as an insult to me?
Why does my husband find it important to insist that he does more, feels more, whatever? I don't know. I don't kjnow why people think it is ok to use me as their lightning rod. I don't know why everybody assumes I am just there for them to get rid of whatever it is that is bugging them. I don't get why nobody is using tact around me. They all act grand and loving but when it boils down to it I am an easy joke. I am an easy target.
It used to bethat people told me it was because I cared. That I wouldn't get bullied if I didn't care. What Bullshit. On so many levels. I am a strong Person. I can deal with lots of problems. I may even have my measure of wisdom that enough people are taking advantage of whenever they feel like it. But when I need help it is all : sorry, you're on your own. I am in Timbuktu(literally) or you are WAY too senstive. You are taking this all wrong blah blah blah.
So, IF I am so dead wrong and IF it is all my own fault it seems that I am unfit to live my life. So what now? Do I get myself institutionalized? You know what would happen? Cause I have been on teh receiving end of that too: The therapist would be all nice, start to talk and leave all their shit on my doormat too.
And whenever I point it out everybody steps back, appalled saying some version of: „Ohh NOW I understand why you feel this way but I DIDN'T MEAN THAT!
And that is the extend of the reaction I get.
And then I am supposed to think that you guys care about me?
SERIOUSLY?
Am I a nebbich?
What about me gives people the feeling that I am a carpet ready to walked on.
Oh and for the record I do NOT need the kind of comments on this post that I already had here. Maybe I am dumb, but I am NOT that gullible.
It wasn't MY fault that I got bullied in school
It wasn't my fault that my dad is an erratic pasha
It wasn't my fault that my sister needed to validate herself through me
It wasn't my fault that my mum saw me as the middle child with all the firstborn expectations
It wasn't my fault that my husband didn't get the attenetion he deserevd as a child
It was my fault that I thought that he actually means what he pays lipservice to
It is my fault that I cannot get through to my dad that he hurts me without a second thought and that that fact alone hurts even more.
Crap the only people who have the right to be selfish with regard to me are my kids
and compared with teh freaking adults they are perfectly respectful and loving.
Why is everybody treating me like I don't deserve better? And then, tell me: off course you do! Look I am sorry, what esle do you want me to do? You are SOO demanding
LOOK YOURSELVES I am NOT demanding nothing but honesty at least to yourselves. Stop blaming me for the shit you are doing.
Just feraking stop. Or one day, I will have to put a stop to that.
Why is a compliment to my sister phrased as an insult to me?
Why does my husband find it important to insist that he does more, feels more, whatever? I don't know. I don't kjnow why people think it is ok to use me as their lightning rod. I don't know why everybody assumes I am just there for them to get rid of whatever it is that is bugging them. I don't get why nobody is using tact around me. They all act grand and loving but when it boils down to it I am an easy joke. I am an easy target.
It used to bethat people told me it was because I cared. That I wouldn't get bullied if I didn't care. What Bullshit. On so many levels. I am a strong Person. I can deal with lots of problems. I may even have my measure of wisdom that enough people are taking advantage of whenever they feel like it. But when I need help it is all : sorry, you're on your own. I am in Timbuktu(literally) or you are WAY too senstive. You are taking this all wrong blah blah blah.
So, IF I am so dead wrong and IF it is all my own fault it seems that I am unfit to live my life. So what now? Do I get myself institutionalized? You know what would happen? Cause I have been on teh receiving end of that too: The therapist would be all nice, start to talk and leave all their shit on my doormat too.
And whenever I point it out everybody steps back, appalled saying some version of: „Ohh NOW I understand why you feel this way but I DIDN'T MEAN THAT!
And that is the extend of the reaction I get.
And then I am supposed to think that you guys care about me?
SERIOUSLY?
Am I a nebbich?
What about me gives people the feeling that I am a carpet ready to walked on.
Oh and for the record I do NOT need the kind of comments on this post that I already had here. Maybe I am dumb, but I am NOT that gullible.
It wasn't MY fault that I got bullied in school
It wasn't my fault that my dad is an erratic pasha
It wasn't my fault that my sister needed to validate herself through me
It wasn't my fault that my mum saw me as the middle child with all the firstborn expectations
It wasn't my fault that my husband didn't get the attenetion he deserevd as a child
It was my fault that I thought that he actually means what he pays lipservice to
It is my fault that I cannot get through to my dad that he hurts me without a second thought and that that fact alone hurts even more.
Crap the only people who have the right to be selfish with regard to me are my kids
and compared with teh freaking adults they are perfectly respectful and loving.
Why is everybody treating me like I don't deserve better? And then, tell me: off course you do! Look I am sorry, what esle do you want me to do? You are SOO demanding
LOOK YOURSELVES I am NOT demanding nothing but honesty at least to yourselves. Stop blaming me for the shit you are doing.
Just feraking stop. Or one day, I will have to put a stop to that.