"Scratch that"

[worthofblack]

My dad called me last night. He said, "You're so beautiful and smart and growing so fast, its hard to believe you're turning into a young lady now" and I wanted to tell him to "piss off" so bad. He only calls on his "special occasions" like christmas, easter, and my birthday. Those are the only three. grrr. It makes me sad, and I dont even know. He promises things, he says he will get clean, off of the "evil" drugs, keep a job and a roof over his head, he wants to see me and blah blah blah. I always fall for it too, and I feel ....numb? I guess thats the word. Instead of focusing on the real issues, i've been trapped inside my head, and I look at things (simple things) and ill make a big deal out of the smallest details, just to avoid confrontation, and its making me sad, and lonely, and I feel like a child complaining like this.

Last year, I cut on my birthday.
This year, I cut the day after.
A step in which direction?
When will I ever learn?

ohh, haha...some fun stuff...
I've been entertaining some ideas lately, and it is sad really.
But fun.
We'll see now, wont we?