read.
Let me tell you all about a little revelation I had. A story called "grow the fuck up."
Okay, so I had a reputation at one point. And I managed to clear it up by vowing to change the way I act- and then acting upon it. So I did. I took on something that I would hold sole responsibility for. And I managed to turn myself arond. 200 days today, no more of fucking around (nobody knows the real reason why i did that shit.. will be cleared up later on.) So I finally figure that I'm doing alright. People are now liking me for who I am. Less guys talk to me, but who cares? Now I know who's true and who isn't. But what really pissed me off is something that happened at Regional- why I'm choosing to talk about it now is another story in itself. Some Kushner freshman.. bejny snyder, i think that's his name.. goes up to me: "You're Sarah Morrison, right?" I go yeah what about it .. he's like "you gave head to so and so and so and so fingered you." I was in a complete state of total shock. How the fuck does he know that? Why the fuck does he care? And some friends that I just made were sitting on that couch with him. Stopped talking to me after that.
I was so fucking completely outraged .. and of course he had to go take some phone call from a girlfriend du jour, which I guess was to my advantage so I wouldn't break his fucking neck. I mean, I know I have plenty of friends who understand and respect that I changed- and some who don't know my past at all. These are the ones that should truly count, but my God! It's disgusting that little fags like mister snyder have to help fuck things up. In MAYHS, I'm clear. I have friends. I'm respected. I succeeded.
What really pissed me off is that how people judge so quickly. I bet you that he can't name three things about me. I have three for you right here: First of all, I have lots of friends. Second of all, I volunteer, I'm class president, and I do so much for everyone else. Third and last but not least: I have too much respect for myself to let your bullshit get me down. This isn't particularly at Benjy. I'm not going to pick on one kid who basically made me cry that night. I'm talking about everyone who's too stubborn to accept that people change. I mean, now I can't tell anyone in Kushner anything. They're going to ridicule my boyfriend, who I'm so happy with and who accepted the fact that I changed- they're going to tell him that he's going out with a dirty ugly slut and all this shit. And nobody can know about us because they're going to be complete assholes about it.
I can tell that people are uncomfortable talking to me. I can tell that they don't want to be my friend because of my past. Well, I had my own problems freshman year, and I'm the fucking center of the universe, number 1 champion for overcoming my shit. I'm proud to say that today is my 200th day of being cut-free and in a happier position beacuse of it. And the reason I got with those people? I was so fucking depressed, I just needed a reason to be loved. I was immature and naive. I thought they would like me if I gave them ass. I thought they would respect me, like me better, for letting them do this shit. And I loved the attention. It's something that made me feel good- something that I could look forward to in what I considered a bleak and meaningless existence. Well, medication fixed all that and I got my life back on track.
NOW IF ONLY YOU CAN SEE THAT, YOU BLINDED MOTHERFUCKER!
I'm a different person now, with morals, ambitions, and a reason to live. I don't deservea reputation anymore. I'm smart. I have lots of friends. I do amazing in school. I'd take a bullet for someone else. And I've formed a boundary around myself and won't let anyone else take advantage of me.
I've learned my lesson, and over a year later, you need to give it a fucking rest and realize that people change.
Because I'm sick of leading my life this way- in the shadow of my mistakes, regret, and the life that I once considered okay.
So kiss the fattest part of my ass, you callous bitches. Accept it, deal with it, and possibly even get to know who I really am! Then you'll realize how utterly wrong you were, how misguided you were, and how much you've missed out because of what you heard, not exactly what you knew.
xox_morr
Okay, so I had a reputation at one point. And I managed to clear it up by vowing to change the way I act- and then acting upon it. So I did. I took on something that I would hold sole responsibility for. And I managed to turn myself arond. 200 days today, no more of fucking around (nobody knows the real reason why i did that shit.. will be cleared up later on.) So I finally figure that I'm doing alright. People are now liking me for who I am. Less guys talk to me, but who cares? Now I know who's true and who isn't. But what really pissed me off is something that happened at Regional- why I'm choosing to talk about it now is another story in itself. Some Kushner freshman.. bejny snyder, i think that's his name.. goes up to me: "You're Sarah Morrison, right?" I go yeah what about it .. he's like "you gave head to so and so and so and so fingered you." I was in a complete state of total shock. How the fuck does he know that? Why the fuck does he care? And some friends that I just made were sitting on that couch with him. Stopped talking to me after that.
I was so fucking completely outraged .. and of course he had to go take some phone call from a girlfriend du jour, which I guess was to my advantage so I wouldn't break his fucking neck. I mean, I know I have plenty of friends who understand and respect that I changed- and some who don't know my past at all. These are the ones that should truly count, but my God! It's disgusting that little fags like mister snyder have to help fuck things up. In MAYHS, I'm clear. I have friends. I'm respected. I succeeded.
What really pissed me off is that how people judge so quickly. I bet you that he can't name three things about me. I have three for you right here: First of all, I have lots of friends. Second of all, I volunteer, I'm class president, and I do so much for everyone else. Third and last but not least: I have too much respect for myself to let your bullshit get me down. This isn't particularly at Benjy. I'm not going to pick on one kid who basically made me cry that night. I'm talking about everyone who's too stubborn to accept that people change. I mean, now I can't tell anyone in Kushner anything. They're going to ridicule my boyfriend, who I'm so happy with and who accepted the fact that I changed- they're going to tell him that he's going out with a dirty ugly slut and all this shit. And nobody can know about us because they're going to be complete assholes about it.
I can tell that people are uncomfortable talking to me. I can tell that they don't want to be my friend because of my past. Well, I had my own problems freshman year, and I'm the fucking center of the universe, number 1 champion for overcoming my shit. I'm proud to say that today is my 200th day of being cut-free and in a happier position beacuse of it. And the reason I got with those people? I was so fucking depressed, I just needed a reason to be loved. I was immature and naive. I thought they would like me if I gave them ass. I thought they would respect me, like me better, for letting them do this shit. And I loved the attention. It's something that made me feel good- something that I could look forward to in what I considered a bleak and meaningless existence. Well, medication fixed all that and I got my life back on track.
NOW IF ONLY YOU CAN SEE THAT, YOU BLINDED MOTHERFUCKER!
I'm a different person now, with morals, ambitions, and a reason to live. I don't deservea reputation anymore. I'm smart. I have lots of friends. I do amazing in school. I'd take a bullet for someone else. And I've formed a boundary around myself and won't let anyone else take advantage of me.
I've learned my lesson, and over a year later, you need to give it a fucking rest and realize that people change.
Because I'm sick of leading my life this way- in the shadow of my mistakes, regret, and the life that I once considered okay.
So kiss the fattest part of my ass, you callous bitches. Accept it, deal with it, and possibly even get to know who I really am! Then you'll realize how utterly wrong you were, how misguided you were, and how much you've missed out because of what you heard, not exactly what you knew.
xox_morr