I wrote this a few months ago, but I am so proud of it!!

[worthlessregret]

UNTITLED FEELINGS OF BETRAYED APOLOGIES:

Sometimes I feel like I could die.

I wish so much it gets me high.

But do not fear,

I am still here.

Will you miss me when I am gone?

Will you wonder what went wrong?

This anger, this hate.

I am so irate.

Deep inside my heart does race.

Life isn't going at a normal pace.

Now four years have come and passed.

I thought for sure that it would last.

Deep inside I knew it wouldn't,

And fall for you I knew I shouldn't.

But I guess at times,

I fell for your stupid lines.

Now I sit here feeling nothing, all alone.

Yet at the same time feeling everything, making me hard as stone.

My heart does bleed and my eyes do burn.

For your arms I will never yearn.

As in you I found nothing but hurt.

And to the ground my dreams have all been burnt

The pain, the lies, the misery and distrust.

Getting rid of you has become a must.

Never have been given the chance.

Not even once a second glance.

As once again you are the victim.

Even though I was the one out on a limb.

You want to know what I will miss?

Absolutely nothing, not even your kiss.

For in your arms I found refuge not,

Now all I do is drink a lot.

You did pull and you did push.

Now my heart is just all mush.

Regrets are worthless…

All this is, is one big mess.

Do you hurt, or do you cry?

Or was this all just one big lie?

I don't even know what to feel,

I just hope one day my broken heart will heal.

I wish for just one more tear filled night.

As tomorrow I will awaken at first light.

I will go on my walk all alone.

But this time I will not come home.

I hope that one day you will see,

All I ever wanted was for you to love ME.

The real me that was deep inside,

The one who was forced to hide.

For like who I was you did not,

Believe me it hurt a lot.

So I did change and hide away,

Hoping that you would see one day.

How I it killed me, how I felt.

And you would apologize so this ice around me could melt.

Instead you yelled and screamed and a fit did pitch.

Telling me I was a lying, cheating, sleazy bitch.

So down, down, deeper I dug.

One more drink I did chug.

Now I sit here seething and ponder,

Could we have even held on any longer?

Or is it just time to let it all slip away.

And wake up tomorrow to a brand new day.

I am ready to let go, I cant stand it anymore,

For in your eyes, I am just a whore.

As I think of tomorrows walk,

I wonder what it would have been like if we could talk.

As around me the darkness falls,

I sit and stare at these four walls.

The place in which we were supposed to live.

But nothing more than problems did it us give.

Just a place where I sit as fall my tears do,

Hating myself for thinking of you.

Now I know what I thought all along,

A home is not a place, but where you feel you belong.

And with you, this I did not feel.

Everything now is so surreal.

To sleep I do not want,

For my dreams you do haunt.

And this is why tomorrow at dawn,

It is the time in this life that I must move on.

I cannot anymore handle this stress.

The feeling of all this I must confess,

Has driven me to dig deep inside,

And figure out why I am still alive.

An answer to this I have not found.

I guess to this my reaction will sound,

A little bit on the side of morbid,

Please don't tell anyone that in the end I was this horrid.

For when this topic we would ever discuss,

You are selfish, a damn coward, I would fuss.

But now as I sit here faced with these choices,

I want nothing more than to listen to the voices.

The voices that scream in my head, "JUST JUMP!"

I see myself lying there in a crumpled lump.

The blood pooling around me so dark and so red.

From the crack in my skull, the gash in my head.

My extremities, around me all askew,

Hoping the person to find me is you.

For just once I want to see in your eyes a little sorrow,

I guess this wish I will get tomorrow.

Then again so selfish you are.

You will probably just drive right by in your car.

For when in the past I have been so hurt,

Your words and your tone were so short and so curt.

How long did you think you could string me along,

Before I realized it and became strong.

Strong enough to leave, to move up and move on.

Strong enough to not hurt now that your gone.

A last shuddered breath has just escaped my lips,

A woman walks by with her hands on her hips.

The blood keeps on spreading over the uneven ground.

A headache so killer in my head does pound.

My eyes now slowly roll back in my head

And with one last whisper ("you've won") I am dead.

Here you come now, with your head held high,

What is it that I will see in your eyes?

A glimmer of happiness? A tear perhaps?

From your asshole attitude will you lapse?

But once again just like every time before,

You walk on by and shout "what a whore!"

Now I know I am glad to be gone from this life.

For never would I have felt anything but pain and strife.

Never would I see a smile light your face,

Nor would I find anyone to take your place.

As what I was made to believe is that I deserve all of this,

So all of the bullshit in this life I wont miss.